Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hi!

I feel very depressed at times like i am feeling now. i have a husband who loves me alot n ours is a happy family that way - i feel he has changed alot... it has been 4 years to our marraige - we have one 1 year kid - but i feel the distances between us have increased slowly and gradually ... i dont expect much from him but these are very small things ... like i want a hug from him when he comes from or goes to office. i want a look in his eye that tells me i m special for him even now ... while sleeping we really use to cuddle each other n sleep ... now offcourse baby sleeps between us, but i expect that he should sometimes though not always just come to my side of bed n hug me n give a goodnight kiss or whisper \" i luv u\" just like that.... but he never comes to my side unless it is about having sex (he never forces me about that though) ... i know he luvs me but i want him to express it which he does not ... when home he is simply busy with paper, TV, his work or sometimes with child ...i feel good when we go out for walk together atleast we exchange a word or two there .... but these are the small things i expect from him i have told him the same in past several times but no change he just does it when i ask him to n then forgets in a few days again ........... i feel very lonely n unwanted by his such behaviour ...

can someone help me out so as how can i change myself or what should i do so that my husband does this sweet little things for me ... plz suggest

Mitu amba replied. Hi Mitu,
That' s the spirit. Ritika n Happy soul gave u a good solution. Me too following the same. Guess what - i' m happy now. Have patience and enjoy the result.
All the best n be happy always.
amba. nids replied. Hi Mitu,

I have suffered the same thing after my delivery and my husband who used to be so loving and caring suddenly became very indifferent. Friends, I am not trying to seed anything your minds things can be different for different people but I found just month back after 2+ years sulking that hubby is having a EMA with a somebody whom I supported in each and every aspect of her life.

My request is that pl do close your eyes and sit as I have done ... open your eyes and try and explore the truth before its too late like mine.

All the best all of you

Cheers
Nids Ritika replied. Hi Mitu,

I agree with Happy Soul. If your husband doesnt do it, then you go ahead and do it...give him a nice hug & kiss when he comes from office..while walking past him, just ruffle his hair, give a big grin and say, I love you!

Whatever sweet little things you want, just go ahead and do it...

and as far as him forgetting to do it on his own after a few days, what' s the harm in reminding him? If he forgets to kiss you goodnight, just give him a cute smile and say \" where' s my goodnight kiss\" .

When you start showing your own affection so often, he' s bound to reciprocate...

Also, I would suggest that since your baby is now 1 year old, you can transfer him to his own bed/crib now. It might take a few days in the beginning for the transition to happen..you might have to go and chk on the baby often in the night to assure him that you are there..

But BELIEVE ME, it is the most important thing you can do for your romance and marital life.

You need to reclaim your bed. Your baby will be fine sleeping alone in his bed/crib...you might also feel feel very guilty doing it in the beginning, but rest assured, both your baby and you will thrive after it becomes a habit.

I think it is very important for a child to have a happy mother & father. Right now since you are feeling depressed, why dont you try this technique and see if it works? It might be the panacea you are looking for.

I would also suggest that you hire a baby sitter for a few hours on the weekend and just go out for a movie or dinner with your hubby (just the 2 of you).

From experience I can tell you that it can be very liberating...you' ll feel much happier (sometimes I just go for a long drive with my hubby)...and in turn your baby will also get a much happier mother...(good for the baby also)..:)

Hope this helps...

take care,
Ritika
Happy soul replied. Hi friends
I see that a baby has effected ur married life. Well i think i have a solution.If ur hubby does not cuddle u or hug u or kiss u U DO IT.U start kissing him good bye, hug him somtimes.He will definately like it(who does not).Then i m sure he will reciprocate.I can see in all of the cases tht hubby' S love u but they dont express often or the way u want right?Men are like tht, dumbos.So u get going.U make the moves and they will start doing it.

Sam replied. Hi All,

Even I am in the same boat, married for 4 years and have a 8 month old baby. The same thing goes for my husband too. Even I had told him all these things but again the reasult is also the same. He does all that for a few days and then back to normal :-)

And as Mitu says, even i try to forget all this but it comes back again and again. Specially when i am depressed.

How do you guys manage these feeling? sahi replied. hi,

i am exactly in same state as u r in.
i too have a 1 year old baby..i am married since 3 years..

i feel the initial days of marriage will never come back after the arival of the baby..we are more focuussed on the baby so.. we dont have time to think of the other.

even i need some ideas from people here to charge up my life. Sadhana replied. Hi Mitu,

I had gone thru ur feeling and i am replacing myself in your place. I am also a married women but it is 3 years we got married.

C i have too faced the same problem and even my husband is like that. I had even told these things to him ( he is very very vary caring, loving , polite, effectionate) but he doesn' t do all the things which u mentioned (which i too like and expects from him).

He says that life is not like a cinema and hence practically all which are shown are not possible in life (like u we too hav a kid of 1yr old and sleeps between us at night)

He says that I am childish and i should change myself, not to be in dreams and thinking all that stuff that happens in movies. He is very practical guy.

Becoz of this discusstion with him and even i complained to my mom abt this, the RESULT IS................

SPOILING THE ENVIRONMENT IN THE HOME AND GETTING UPSET , THAT ALL, NOTHING MORE THAN THAT....SO I THOUGHT THAT I SHOULD CHANGE THIS SORT OF THINKING TO RUN A SMOOTH LIFE AND STARTED PLAYING WITH MY KID ALONG WITH HIM WHEN HE COMES TO HOME FROM THE OFFICE AND EVEN THOUGH HE DOES NOT SPEAK TO ME ROMANTICALLY IM FORGETTING AND NOT EXPECTICTING SUCH THINGS FROM HIM.........

I am a working lady and spoling the envirnoment and gud relations with my hubby becoz of this discussion and expections..

So i think i need not tell u anything what to do, i think u understood..

Its upto u whether u like my words and agree or not, but it is the fact......

Njoy this short life, ignore this type of thinking..

ALL the best..