Relationships  Discussion Forum

We are living abroad and married for 5 years now. I am a working woman. I have a question about how women who are working abroad feel financial independence. I have some credit cards. My husband gives me money and when I am out of money I will ask him and he will give me more. Somehow I feel like even though I am doing job I have to ask for each and every thing I spend. My husband says that you have credit cards and no body is restricting you from spending money so spend it. Even when we go to India, I have to ask him for everything. HE doesn’t give me more than like 2000 rupees. He comes with me to shopping etc and he spends money for whatever I buy. He says that whatever expenses you have you can ask and I will give you. But, my point is you know if I want to buy something for my parents or my sister I have to ask for him. He might not like that and I can’t tell each and every thing to him. I used to say nothing in this regard until now. But now I am feeling very ill about this. If I talk to him about this matter now, he says that you should have asked me then only I should have given you. When we go to India, he spends money like buying some things for his parents, sisters, nephews etc. My point is if he gets to spend the way he wants why I can’t spend money the way I want. I told him that I need pocket money like some amount for every month so that I can buy some stuff here or when I go to India. He is saying that okay then I also need same amount of pocket money. I am kind of freaked out in this matter. I suspect that he thinks if he gives me pocket money then I will give it to my parents. He also says that does you mother or sister told you to ask for money..since I haven' t argued with him in this regard..but my mom nd sister can' t say things like that....What women working abroad are doing in this regard? Help me. friend replied. Hi Dear what I do, even I don' t work, my husband also don' t like buying anything for my side of family. I buy the things on credit card and tell him That I bought it for my self. And later I can Give it to anyone I like, sometime when I buy something for his mother or sis I buy 1 etc so that I can give it to from My side, and what you can do is start keeping some money aside like $10 , $ 5 dollar. at end you can have $400-$500 of your own when you go to india and spend the way you want. I hope this will help you The One replied. If your husband is telling you to spend for whatever you want to buy, go for it. Why are you assuming that he will feel bad or create problem if you buy anything for your parents, sister, brother, friends? It is in your mind, did he ever said to you don’t buy for your family. If you buy by for your family don’t spend more than this etc?

Ask him if you have any doubts don’t assume he will think badly or he will create problem. If you still feel that then get whatever you want on credit card or use debit card.

Good luck
Ritika replied. I am working and have a joint account with my hubby. I also have a seperate account (from before marriage) where I keep abt $500 or so...my hubby or I keep that for emergencies or for taking out from ATM from that account...because our main joint acc is at a credit bank which doesnt have that many ATM' s in the city...

To answer yr question, we take out abt $200 or so every week and keep $100 each..for small expenses like lunch or small shopping that he or I might do in the middle of the week...

I also use my credit card to do shopping at the stores etc...if I like something for my parents, siblings, his parents or his siblings, I go ahead and buy it...if he really dislikes it later on (e.g. a T-shirt color which he doesnt want to give his father)...we can always return it...

He pays for all the credit cards at the end of the month from our joint account...never ever asks me why I spend more on lunch one week, why I bought a new dress etc...

If we go to India, I keep the travellers checks in my purse...and when we convert it to rupees, I keep the majority of it...we do go shopping together but we do it because its more fun that way...

We both are careful with money so we dont really question each other when either of us really wants to buy something for ourselves or our respective families...

For big purchases, ofcourse both of us sit down and discuss whether we really need it and if yes, when and how best to buy it...

The thing is - if you feel so vehemently about it, then why don' t you go to the ATM and take out some money and keep it for your small needs? You could also use yr credit cards to do most of yr shopping...you dont need cash...

hope this helps...