Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hi The One,
Glad to see ur parents treating DILs as daughters and my own mother had such god like inlaws . I' ve seen many such good inlaws and good DILs in my relatives.

But I sincerely advice u to not to see anything only frm parents perspective .Ok ,Parents r great and they need respect at their old age whether girls' s parents or BOy' s parents.
But Proably u must be feeling... due to typical Indian woman mentality, families r ruining. I somehow could see this feeling in ur reply to hh.

But Do u know The-One? I came from a family where I never seen ego problems or any kind clashes btwn my mom and my grand parents(Dad' s parents) .My dad side relatives come frequently and treat us with love and we r having fun with them without any fears or worries.

NOW,I want to tell u another living angle in this Inlaws and DIL relation.

I' m married to my hubby and came this home. My mil had no relations at all with her inlaws and only she get along with her mother side relatives.That too she is elder so everyone listens there . She never call her MIL nor take care of her. Ok, I accept she must have suffered from mil. So she is taking revenge. But thier compliant is my FIL' s mother didnt give them money when they needed. And always she used to illtreat my mil. That must be true.



Now My mil' s intension is to give everything to daughter and for achieving it, she wants to prove everyone I' m not fair DIL .Though she od injustice to son, She wants to remain as saint and plain lady.

I do everything fr them, Knowing their greedy natures, I became myself broadminded and gifted out of range. I do my best to impress them and talk very sweet and nice. So when thye have nothing to complain about me they stay nice with me. When we celebrate any function, She creates some or other drama. Actually she wants to use any occassion to spoil my image in relatives so that she can give everything to her daughter without getting any q' s from anyone.
To achieve this , She humiliates me severely to get a word frm my mouth as a reaction, which she can cook up some story around my words. SO I never talk when she humiliates , because just due to tha, she would spoil all my image. I control myself alot.
Ok, even then , Once she humiliated verymuch in my hubby' s absence,and my hubby suggested me to spend 1weekat my parents place. In my absence, She lied many many things and tried her best to spoil relation in btwn me and hubby. My hubby saw she was illtreating me but I dont know y he believed her to that extent, (He knows my nature well,I cant even answer back to my neighbours) Still he could believe all the lies and came to parents home, Took me out to restaurant and scolded me for things I have never said. EVEN he didnt give me chance to say him those r lies. He asked me to go and die for making his saint mother sad....!!!!!!Q! SAD!


All she wanted is proving me bad. Though I try to be nice with them.I TOO BELIEVE IN RESOLVING ISSUES WITH LOVE THAN DEMANDS. But tell me way to deal with this ladY? She is ok in my presence in normal days, becasue I spend weekend and behave sweet without giving any chance. I alwasy live in fear whta step she would take to spoil my hubby' s love towards me.
She is greedy that counts even a penny . Though she has money (my FIl is retired in decent job). Also she is getting lakhs of rupees from her MIL (FIL' s mom has many properties).STILL she will take money from her own son for minor expenditures she spent for us. Where as every year, She buy gold for her daughter worth Rs.Lakh and many costly gifts officially and unofficially. I never mind it because I never expect anything from old couples,

FYI, we r married for 5yrs. She never bought single dress for her son. When it comes for traditions, she buy for me and my daughter (That too she makes up while taking double money from son)but never buy for her son. And says , her son and she r not separate. Ok, but atleast she can buy fr his birthday ,right??

But never. When my baby born she bought a big amount of gold for herself and her daughter(FYI, MY SIL /HER DAUGHTER and SonINLAW R V.WELL SETTLED IN LIFE AND EARNING HANDSOME MONEY) but not has given me anything but gave to my baby something. BUT A BIG SHOCK TO ME IS THAT ,SHE TOOK DOuBLE MONEY for the gold from my hubby. They take money for any major expenditure for household and occassionally my hubby give them .I never mind becasue A son has to look after them (Though,they r in sound position and never need money at all frm son).

All her intension is being greedy with son and giving entire properties to daughter . IT IS very clear. EVen my hubby must have known it.I never discuss these things with him with a fear it might seem as complaints. That good manners I have. But in turn, What I' m getting??? He scold me while believing all her lies.

Recently she humiliated me again in my function and I could said this to hubby just to be precautious not to become victim for what I' ve not done. Seems now he understood what I' m going thru but I never said him to question his mother for her actions .Just I asked him to support me when time comes.

See, this is my position. I never expect money from inlaws and I' m ok with we loosing money while giving them gifts according to their expectations. Still, she couldnt digest the fact I' m getting good name in relatives or even at my hubby and myFIL ( my FIL knows I' m fair-minded,but still never can say word against her ).Even my SIl' s son is being brought up by my mil and FIl just to make my FIL' s love turn totally towarfds him ,And to make my FIl responsible to his studies and expenditures in future. Its all strategic.But I love SIl' s children and that boy too affectionate to me ,which is again sour to my mil.


Her main goal is to spoil my image in her hubby' s (my FIL' s ) View. Becasue he is the one ,sometimes feel guilty for not giving me gold when he buy in bigamount while spending lakhs of rupees. So she want to cut his affection proving I' m not worth it.

Second goal is to cut my hubby' s love towards me because of the fear her son might not be able to give his siter and parents big amounts while fulfilling his resposibilities towards his wife and baby...

So, TheOne, Pl tell me, In this situation how can I get along nicely with my mil?Though as this humiliating process is not on regular basis, I bear with her and talk sweet as if nothing happened. So she had to talk well with me...Becaseu she doesnt want to express herself infront of her son.And she wants to remain as good MIL in her son' s view.

But her intensions r dangerous, So I' m worried how to save my image. She did it many times wantedly. I dont know my hubby knows it or not,but she tried to sour our b' tiful relation btw me and hubby.My hubby is loving but as his mother does things in his absence and tell him in otherway while being sweet to him, He cant see her colors.We got affected many tiems but at last now my hubby little bit understood my view .

But I' m not sure he' ll be same . If he spend one day with his mom in my absence, she can spoil all the trust and love he has built for me with her Sugar COAted words and emotional dramas.

MIL has no poblems with me at all. i listen to what she says and follow. Everytime I take her advice to satisfy her ego.
I do the best to make realtion best . But still when OPP comes she creates dramas .What shd I do in this case?


So theone, I' m asking u because I saw u were telling some issues can be resolved only wiht love and not with demands.
I' ve been loving and caring for them but she never say a word and instead, scolds me indirectly when her relatives r around .She scolds me in a way everyone knows she is accusing ' me' but i cant answer due to the fear she would make scene.

Lately, in this function her own relatives could come and tell me , though she scold me I ve to bear and they know I' m lovign and affectionate towards everyone. It relieved me alot. And now littlebit free from worry. But this is in her hands ,she can create lies, and everyone around her listen to her including her son and my hubby.
HOW CAN I LIVE MY LIFE WITHOUT INSECURITY FEELING???

In my circle I have good name and everyone praise that I am matured and can analyse manythings in positive way .I Even resolve my friends problems and been very best guide to my hubby in his career issues and personal decisions.
But ,Still I can' t resolve this sensitive issue and can' t live securely that my hubby will be there for me and again never believe in false things...

I know this is simple mil-dil issue and someday she would realise she need me and my love.


But ,I' m afraid when she would extend her jaws to scare me and sour my and my hubby' s relation.Now I' m talking to her normal and nice like anyday. But she could sense that my hubbby somehow understood me. So she is like a LION with great hunger.So this time she would cook up something bigggg to spoil my hubby' s love. This is my present worry.

Anyone can help ! Thanks for reading loong Post.




Bee replied. Great..good to hear that you let everything out.Enjoy your self. vimpi replied. Dia,

When you find your inner courage you have solved your problem.
You seem to have a good husband. Like I said before dwell in that goodness. He and you are the foundation of your family.
Lucky you not living in a joint family!
Count your blessings not your worries!
All the best! Stay strong! The One replied. First of all, thank you very much for sharing your story with us. You have no idea what you have achieved in 5 years of marriage. What are you doing right now is absolutely correct, you are being who you are. There is nothing wrong in fact I would say one should always be who he/she is.

You have mentioned that you are married from five years. In these five years you discovered that your mother-in-law is the one who is responsible for the bad relationship with your father-in-law and his family. Just think, if you a person like you who knows her from past five years can figure it out that she is the one who played the biggest role for all that problem, what all family members will think about her? I am 100% sure that all of your in-laws family knows very well that she is the most controlling women. I am also sure that when you got married everyone in their family must have said to their spouse that this woman (your mother-in-law) is going to make the new bride’s (your) life as hell. But look what you did with love, you made one positive and a great human beings impression in everyone’s heart. You made your husband to understand that what you are going through by not telling him and showing nothing but love to everyone including your mother-in-law. That’s what love can do my friend. So keep behaving like this.

Now let’s take you’re another issue.
You are feeling insecure because when you leave the house, she fills your husband’s ears with poison. For that I agree with Bee’s response. Talk to your husband openly, as you have gained his trust, be open with him. Try to follow your mother-in-law’s step, talk with him in sweet tone, and express yourself with emotion. If you have to cry use some onions nothing wrong in that, you are doing it for a good cause. Any drama for a good cause is always forgiven. When your hubby comes home, talk with him what you did today. Tell him everything even if it is a small thing include it. Try to win his 100% trust. Don’t leave anything where you mother-in-law can complain. But also don’t bore him with useless thing like “We watched Thodi Khushi Thode Gum serial” Just tell him what you did!

Now let’s take your other issue. Your mother-in-law seems a greedy woman, a hungry person for money. What you can do is take interest in financial planning. Tell your husband that you want to help him in your financial needs. Like paying bills, going to bank, writing checks and anything related to money. if he denies that try to explain him why you want to do it. Tell me you want to be independent woman. You don’t like to be a lazy house wife. That will make your husband proud, bingo! Now you are paying bills, explain your husband that all his money is going according to bills. Now your mother-in-law can’t ask you for extra money, if she still asks you for extra money go back to your husband with a bill and tell him that the bill amount is this much but mummy is asking more! He will for sure ask her why she is asking for extra cash.

Another think you can do is once you start taking care of money and bank stuffs try to put amounts in fix-deposits. They are at least for six or twelve months. Or invest money in real estate. Once you block the cash your mother-in-law have no choice but to open her own safe for money.

I also agree with Vimpi on don’t be afraid to tell the truth. You know the biggest advantage of telling the truth, you don’t have to remember it. If she is a liar, she has no escape. It’s just a matter of time. Because truth always comes out, so no need to be living in insecurity, keep your smiling face in play, be nice and have fun. Life is beautiful enjoy it.

God bless and good luck. If you have any further questions feel free to ask.
Bee replied. Dia

I think if I was you I would have told my husband right away that what his mother does when he is not home. It seems your husband is understanding person and your mil seems to take his advantage .i would say before your mil says anything you should tell him. again not the way that he goes & fight with his mother but just to tell him that if this is what happen today it’s her or my fault so before she tells you anything I want you to know my side of story.
Second you sound nice & seems you do take good care of family I would say you shouldn’t worry abt Mil spoiling your image..if your intentions are nice then you are nice & I am sure ppl must know that. In your case I would say just communicate more with your husband.
Abt giving gifts to your SIL & not to you sometimes that happens I don’t know if they do it intentionally or not ..but all those stuff you have to ignore. if she doesn’t buy something for you ..then who cares you go get it what you want. I know that hurts inside but try to think like oh at lest I got something of my choice & not hers.
vimpi replied. Hi Dia,

I know you addressed your questions to The One but I would still like to say a word because it is obvious the common thread among most stories here is we have a MIL who successfully kept her own inlaws away but now wants to be included(actually control) in your life.
I was shocked too when in my wedding itself there were no relatives from my FILS side. Gradually I discovered that FIL had never been in touch with his brothers and sisters for decades!
My MIL made him and her kids dance to her tune all her life. Her kids even say that they owe everything in their life to her even us their spouses! Most of us have had arranged marriages and the sons mothers have a big say in approving of the girl for the son so they think you should be grateful to them for getting you into their sons life in the first place! So they seek to control you and try to show you that even though my son has begun to understand you and love you it is all because I got you there in the first place so don' t you dare forget that!
My MIL did the same from the very beginning. I have a wonderful FIL whom I respect as a man and a father. My husband is great too. You will have to dwell on the goodness in your husband. Build the trust the friendship. Eventually he will realize his mom is not this benevolent saint to whom he owes his very existence and every success in life to.
If I were you I would have asked all the questions you ask here to my husband and my FIL and even my MIL. When they realize what the answers to the questions are they will know what the truth is and when that happens everyone finds their place in this world.
I have never cared for my image or what people will think about me if I speak. What is there to be scared of when you are speaking the truth? When you find that courage you will lose your insecurity until then you will remain insecure.
Today my FIL connects with his family. They visit our home after all these decades. They are wonderful simple people and my MILS blood boils when she sees them. When I see women like my MIL I wonder who breaks families we DILS or these MILS?