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Womens Issues:for sivakamia

2007-05-16

Name: anita hello sivakamia,
i have read ur posts on happy marriage and i found ur posts sensitive and hate dissolving.. my question to you is, how does the woman build her self esteem? i am grappling with the realisation that we as women are programme do nurture and love... and iÂ´ m very very content when i do that for my husband, but it does not get reciprocated.. not the way i want! and no matter how many times i talk about it with him, it always slips back.. i hate having to always ask for love! we women are so tuned into men and their needs... why not vice versa? and this from a guy whom i think is very broad minded in his outlook! i am made to feel like its just too much to spend time with me, talk with me, be physically intimet with me... i cant tell my husbacnd these things, iÂ´ ve tried! but he is not receptive...iÂ´ ve suggested we go to a counsellor, read soem books on relations... but he refuses... what is the point of being together if weÂ´ re going to have separate lives? talking to me is beyond events in teh world, relatives, opinions, solutions to world problems, ideas... its also about us... and i know we cant have such conversations everyday, but when he senses it in me, he just pretends that it doesnÂ´ t exist and i hate that! my self esteem is hit coz i feel unwanted, unneeded.. what do i do?

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hello sivakamia,
i have read ur posts on happy marriage and i found ur posts sensitive and hate dissolving.. my question to you is, how does the woman build her self esteem? i am grappling with the realisation that we as women are programme do nurture and love... and iÂ´ m very very content when i do that for my husband, but it does not get reciprocated.. not the way i want! and no matter how many times i talk about it with him, it always slips back.. i hate having to always ask for love! we women are so tuned into men and their needs... why not vice versa? and this from a guy whom i think is very broad minded in his outlook! i am made to feel like its just too much to spend time with me, talk with me, be physically intimet with me... i cant tell my husbacnd these things, iÂ´ ve tried! but he is not receptive...iÂ´ ve suggested we go to a counsellor, read soem books on relations... but he refuses... what is the point of being together if weÂ´ re going to have separate lives? talking to me is beyond events in teh world, relatives, opinions, solutions to world problems, ideas... its also about us... and i know we cant have such conversations everyday, but when he senses it in me, he just pretends that it doesnÂ´ t exist and i hate that! my self esteem is hit coz i feel unwanted, unneeded.. what do i do? r replied. I think its not only you who face this problem there are many more who have the same problem including me,My problem is little different I am his second wife and its a love marriage before marriage when we were going around we use to have a healthy sex life but suddenly after marriage his disinterest is killing i have discussed it million of times and now i have got use to it. B' coz of these kind of men we womens get attracted to mens and have affairs but they will finally blame that my wife ditch me . The worst part is we cant even discuss this with our parents or friends, we are just trapped in a cage ,we show the world that we are proud to be his wife but interlly we are broken just a toy to dance on his orders.

Life is pathetic

2007-05-17

Name: r
Subject:

Hi anita

I think its not only you who face this problem there are many more who have the same problem including me,My problem is little different I am his second wife and its a love marriage before marriage when we were going around we use to have a healthy sex life but suddenly after marriage his disinterest is killing i have discussed it million of times and now i have got use to it. B' coz of these kind of men we womens get attracted to mens and have affairs but they will finally blame that my wife ditch me . The worst part is we cant even discuss this with our parents or friends, we are just trapped in a cage ,we show the world that we are proud to be his wife but interlly we are broken just a toy to dance on his orders.

Life is pathetic

2007-05-19

Name: anita
Subject:

emotional needs of women

hi r,
i think women have emotional needs to be met... and menhav ethem too and i think both have every right that their individual needs are met. i am rite now in the same place as u are... getting used to this state of affairs..my whole point is: hwy did we get together in the first place? why marry? why make an effort to be part of his family? why ? why ? why????????? my husband will give me attention when i become sad and then withdrawn.. everytime i have to cry or wat to get his time and love? he´ s doing meherbaani or what? anyway he will hav eto do all that so instead of waiting till it becomes a big issue and then waste time, energy and emotional turmoiil, i can´ t understand why he cant do little little things as and when needed so all the drama and tension can be avoided. i hate doing it. i always say forget it, i´ m not going to depend on him for my emotions, but then he will come and make me feel that i was silly to feel bad and it feels good to be wanted and loved by someone! what can i do? i am like a yo yo! i start to make other frenz and get involved in other activities, but then when he comes along, then i have to drop everthing becoz i really love being with him! i only feel, that he does not care so much about being with me and that really hurts... he gets charged up about so many other things.. but never me.. never.. even if we have a chance to go out together, he´ ll want to call soem friends... and if i say, no, lets be alone togeter, we´ ll go.. but he´ ll talk about everything else but us.. nothing romantic or about us. ya maybe i want constant reassurance.. so wat? why is it so difficult to give? men want constant physical attention and we give easily no? then why is it so difficult to give to us?????? he remembers that i am there when he wants to get physical.. arrey, what happens when i want physical intimacy and closeness?? yes, it is frusturating and more so becoz there is no point in talking or letting them know hat the problem is.. how many times does one repeat things without losing self respect and feeling like beggars?

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