Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hi, M eand my boyfriend of 6 yrs are now planning to get married. now that we are discussing our married life, he is saying that one thing he will never do is live separate from his parents. i like to be independent and i like to have my own place that i can decorate and stuff myself. i am having a hard time adjusting to the concept of living with inlaws. they are nice but i want a place that i could call my own. Please advice me on how to convince him, or how to deal with it. renu replied. Hi , I have been facing the exact same problem. I have been wth my bf for past 7 years and now that my parents have agreed to our wedding i am having doubts . he says he will never leave his parents and live in the same house . I feel he gives our relationship a back seat . he also asks me to agree to anything his parents say even if i dont like it . I am an independent girl andnever lived in a joint family . i am so anxious because of this that i am having doubts whether i shd marry him. but at the other end i dont feel like ending a relationship that i have invested in for past 7 years and fought with my parents to agree with it. Please help by providing your guidance . thanks Listen up!!! replied. I am a male and am angry as HELL itself!! What's the matter with you? You are a human being first, girlfriend next. Ok, last year-I was surprised by my future MIL-that they prefer their son-in-law to live with them. My grandmother (mom) said, I should have given in. Believe me, I am still single. I loved that girl like nobody's business. I could never love anyone more so. To this day, I don't know why I was rejected. A quote from MTV. This was mentioned by someone. \";Regjection, is God's protection.\"; Your boyfriend should also see your point of view. Read the responses of what's being written. Six years, is a long time of committment. So, also is the sanity of being alive and well. I have lived with more relatives than numbers in the system. Trust me....marriage, relationships, and love are linked together. How can you be sexual with your in laws around. Sure, my hurt lasted....but it made a stronger and better person. The real truth never came out...in my opinion. NO love lost there. Here is another thing...my future mil. This bitch, wouldn't even let me wear the f*****g 50 cent god awful slipper out to the backyard patio. Furthermore, she mentioned to my face. The daughter of hers, that I was in love with....that another gentlemen was to come and see her. These are actual NOT made up accounts. I hope that I am helping you. Reality, can't be changed. Real life is minus Disneyland. Good luck. uuu replied. Convince him any how. But do it before getting married. Think abt your finances, find an apartment or a house and decide on where you will live before getting married itself.

I am a married woman living in the U.S. My in-laws come to visit us every year from India and in those 3-4 months they make my life a hell. You will realize after marriage that decorating the house according to ur choices etc is just a minor thing. There are so many adjustments that a girl staying with her in-laws has to make. I am not saying that all in-laws are bad but it is difficult for a dil and a mil or a fil to agree on all the things and even a smallest disagreement can lead to sour relationships.

Bottom line. Be firm. Let him know that you will not stay with his parents. Assure him that it does not mean that you will not love or respect them. Tell him that you will be there for them whenever they need you, but it is always a good idea to live seperately right from the beginning coz unlike what he may be thinking (leaving seperately means breaking ties with his parents) it is only for the sake of everyone's happiness in the long run.

And remember, always be nice to ur in-laws and be for them even if you live seperately