Relationships  Discussion Forum

I see in this forum, almost all of us has things to say about abusive husbands, abusive in-laws etc.
i was just thinking that surely not all husbands are bad and also not all in-laws are bad. there could be bad wives too, isn' t it ?
Also, i was just wondering if in this generation, we are more intolerant and less understanding of a situation. I am sure not all the fathers in the previous generation were good and of course, not all the mothers may have been good too. But still what made them stick to the marriages ? Does all of this problems like incompatibility, ego problems, abusiveness etc. slowly disappear as years go by ?
what is it that such things as abuse are more projected now and more resisted in this generation ? was such abuses just brushed off as passing phase or loose comments by the previous generation who in their old age seem ok as couples ? Or is it that this generation all of a sudden is seeing too much of money which cannot be compared with the previous generations' s earnings is what is paving way to greed and causing all these in turn with divorces increasing in numbers ? I am just thinking as going through this forum makes me very worried.
Please do not get me wrong. I am a married woman too and have posted in this forum too. But just that sometimes when people are undergoing trouble in their lives, positive way of looking at a situation which might seem bad is needed.
my mother too has suffered in her young age as my father was not understanding. I know at this age, he has told many times that at that time, his awareness was only so much and so he behaved that way and he is fine with my mother now and doesn' t see her any different from seeing himself. Chameli replied.
I have been thinking for a while and i had some thoughts.I wud like to present it here.

Men Can Dominate

In our mother' s and their mother' s childhood days they were actually brought up by insisting that a male child is more important than a female child and were always shown that men can dominate.

Submissive

These people after getting married naturally were submissive to their husbands.In that case the male ego was not at all affected & they did not turn to abuse their wives.When they did abuse also, the woman wud not dare to leave her husband and go to her mother and ask for a support.Because to her mother a man abusing a woman is normal in a family life.So they didn' t dare to speak back.

Different Brought up


But we were not brought up giving importance to brothers & infact our fathers had always given importance to us than to our brothers.Your father or brother' s male ego will not be hurt when u earn equally or more.They ' ll feel proud of you.

Male Ego does Hurt

But a husband who ' s bound to take care of ur needs cannot put up with the fact that you can live without his help or he is not ready to accept any of the facts abt your positives to his previous generation mother.These things are always in their sub consious mind and stays there till a problem arises.Whatever problem comes he is ready to abuse u badly because u r not like his mother who was very submissive to his father.His male ego, hurt by the fact that he has not got a submissive wife, encourages him to speak abusive words.Doesn' t mean that women are less patient nowadays.They have money,they can earn as equally and so they want to be respected equally.No wrong in it.If there' s something that shud be mended it is the male ego of men to be made a little less sharp.And if u stay calm and adjust like ur mother then ur daughter will face the same set of problems again.Then it will mean that u r born as a women because u did so much of sin in ur previous incarnation.When a son' s ego seems to be hurt his mother comes to his aid & confronts the poor woman.They thin k u people have more money than they had in their days & she thinks y u not just adjusting for a peaceful life.

Late Realization :

It' s good ur parents are living great but how many men do realize like ur father did.Ur father must be a great man to realize and to agree with it till now.My grandfather was the not good with my granny,he realized only when she went to grave.One woman (my hubby' s relative), her hubby realized only after her MIl dead that happened only when her daughters and sons were married.What is the use of late realization.That' s y women want to make up things fast.They just wonder we have money and wat else r we waiting for to have a good life & y this guy is so unexplainable? RadhaK replied. Hi Anu,

Your thoughts were good to read. I also see that you attempted an explanation of the situation connecting money awareness etc, which I like to agree with.

Well to me the major factors are:
1. Globalization
2. The coming off age of the urban middle class
3. Invasion of technology

Let me now explain my thoughts: In the gen-prev there was hardly any info available to the supressed women as to what is wrong and what is right. Also if something is wrong, what action can be taken or are taken in similar cases elsewhere. Even the facilities be it counsellors, psychryatists or legal aid were very diffcult to come by, inaccesible and also huge taboo attached. Globalization has changed things, right here ours in a community where we get to know whats hapening in US, Europe and India in very similar cases! I have spoken to a abused wife myself, who had no idea of what could be called a normal sexual practise between H & W for over 5 years of her M.

What was available in a very restricted manner to the upper class even two deacades back are now available to almost entire economic spectrum. Today in a office you will not be able to distinguish the MD and the helper by the clothes they wear. Like in US every family has 2/3 cars, that has got hardly anything to do with their economic class. So according to Maslow' s hierarchy of needs, this generation is expected to look at love belongingness, self esteem etc far more than our auts and granies did!

The effect of Invasion of Technology is far more in our life than we actually realize. Having got used to too many gadgets and machines who perform duties we want them to do like slaves, we are possibly growing impatient and intolerant, this may not be a major cause by itself but may have a huge catalytic impact in combination with other factors.

This forum really lacks thinkers, I wish few like you do contribute to the site more frequently.