Relationships  Discussion Forum

hi!
i got married 4mths back & moved to U.S i feel very lonely i have'nt made any friends .caz non of th ladies in my complex stay at home & most of them have kids so they seem to b busy .
i feel very depressed &feel like going back to India .recently when i was sick & went to th Dr she adviced me to go out & make some friends . i'm a bit shy type pls help me how do i communicate with others and make friendship.

cheers
anu Maneesha replied. Hi,
I do feel the same.I feel bore most of the time.I was working as a software engg. in India and left the job and came to US to live with my husband.I tried to find work here but could not be succesful.I am higly educated and it feels like i am wasting all my talent and hard work i have done to built up my carrer .I had never been staying at home girl and now here i am just being at home for around one year and i am really fed of this kind of life and feel depressed most of the time. I am peregnent now and feel more helpless and depressed due to increasing size of body and discomfort.I do have few friends here in my apartment but doing the same kind of talk with them daily and daily bores me more. abx replied. Hi anu,
Its quite natural for girls like us to feel lonely when we come to an entirely new place. It takes a lot of time to get aquainted to this new atmosphere, and feel comfortable here. I live in canada. And initially i felt terribly depressed, and morever i also had some other problems also in the family front. Though i lived in singapore before this, i din't find that place much lonely, and loved the place. BUt i too din't like this place much, especially with the severe weather conditions here, that too during winter, most of the time we can't even go out much. And i too felt just the way u said. Then i slowly started going out alone more frequently, and found a good day care for my daughter, and took a couple of hrs off and spent some time for myself, and also roaming around and seeing the places around me. And since i live in an apartment, now i luckily have a lot of friends, here, and we are really having a good time together. So u get more friends, when u live in an apt. Where do u live btw. Try to go to some desi grocery shops, and many people will show up there, and make them ur friends, sometimes even talking to the shop owners make us feel so comfortable. I will keep in touch regularly, and u could add me as well as another new friend.
take care and bye
mitr replied. Hi Anu. Lovely to hear that you are feeling better and sure you have found a friend in me. I live in UK not US but will keep in touch, irrespective of time difference. Keep writing, about your daily routine, share ur thoughts and enjoy life. Look at US as a land of opportunities, where you can learn more about not only the western world but about urself too. Find out that interests you and make the most of time u have on hand before u go on family way in few yrs...then u will miss this time on hand!
Have a lovely weekend. Mahima replied. I can understand your situation very well. I was new in US couple of years ago and even though I had my daughter with me. If you want we can stay friends. I have my ways to keep busy with my daughter and maybe we we can give each other tips. Mitr replied. Hello Anu. I can relate to you feeling lonely after moving to a new country, leaving ur family behind for a new person in your life, who is busy with work routine so has less time during the week to spend with you, even if he wants to be with you all the time!
I remember when I was newly married in a new country, I felt lonely too. Don't feel hard done by. Try few of these things to help you keep your mind active.
Read newspapers, watch TV, watch sitcoms like Friends, Frasier, Sex and the City and others. Watch cartoons, humour urself. learn more about the world and US lifestyle in general by reading newspapers and exploring the Internet. Read online filmi magazines, screen, femina, filmfare...they will make you feel closer to home. Watch films, try new recipes of ur taste and ur hubby's taste. Cook dinners for him, walk around to local stores and see where u find desi people you can befriend. Get phone cards to call back home in India. Speak to family as much as you can, but don't get home sick for u r here for good, and losing heart will only make it tougher to settle. I remember my mum asking how I was, and I was lonely and sad but didn't want to upset her and used to say, I'm fine, miss you a lot but coping fine. Need to reassure them and when you do that, u reassaure yourself too. I hope you are able to find comfort using these suggestions. And you can always write back to us and share ur thoughts on the board.
God bless u.
A woman who has been through the same as you Saheli replied. Hi Anu,

I understand what you are saying. From your posting, what I got was, you are newly weds. Its highly likely that loneliness happens when you are with a person who just came into your life, a new family, a new country and above all, no friends around. Be bold and mature and please do not go in a depressing mood. Whenever you start feeling depressed think of the good things that is happening in your lives, or that had happened in the past. An idle mind is a devil's workshop. Never sit being depressed. Do things that would make you pleasant. Hope your husband is working regular hours (9-5). Talk to him more openly and frankly. Tell him what your likes and dislikes are. Ask him to take you somewhere after he comes from work. You can choose some parks/riversides or whatever makes you feel that you are not lonely. Learn to love good books. Go to the nearest library and spend sometime there.

Nobody is lonely in this world. Distance between others is something created by ones mind. So think of only positive things in life. Everybody is close and everybody is depended and supportive of each other. No one has any problem that does not have any solution.

In U.S. most of the people will be working. Still you can find Indian house wives who are not working. Sometimes you can talk to them or go out for a window shopping with them. You do not need to buy anything. Just go and see around. All these things will keep you engaged all the time and you will forget how to be depressed. :-)

Making friends is not a problem. You are new to U.S. So your husband might be having good married friends. And you said some of them have kids too, also, they are friends in the same complex with kids. So this is the best opportunity. You can take the kids just for a walk around the complex. Before that you should get to know them well. First try calling them for dinner or something. Then make company with the wives through their kids. You can baby sit if you want. Sometimes they might have to go somewhere and you can offer babysitting their kids.

And your husband plays a very important role. He does not know what is ideal for you to be happy. He is new in your life. So talk . talk . and talk.

I wish you good luck.

Saheli. Kanak replied. Tell me more about you. Were you working in India? What do you do all day? I know, staying all alone in India that too just after wedding is a challenging thing. Does your husband come home for lunch & all. Does he put long hours at work?