Dearest Mina,

If you loose your husband you're a widow, if your parents die your an orphan, we can be a child, a mother and a wife... But what do you call a mother who lost her child? There is no word Mina, no word for those who've lost their child but they're the strongest people in the world. You are a titan Mina! I am certain that the doctor was right when he said your daughter was beautiful and I can only imagine what you're going through. I lost my baby too but I know it is never truly the same for anyone. Right now you are in the worst place but in time I promise things will get better. I am so sorry that your daughter can not be with you but there are some mothers that were meant to be the mothers of angels and Mina, that is a very special thing. You are one of the rarest and most precious mothers in this world. A berieved one.

It is normal to be feeling so many regrets Mina. I spent many hours with my daughter when she was born and I regret not spending more time with her. Just as you wish you could have done things differently, I do, other mothers who have done this have their regrets also. My point is that no matter if you had seen your baby or not, you would have regrets because we want to do so much only to wonder if we did enough. You did all you could to protect this gorgeous and loved and much wanted baby. You have a right to hurt and anger. But don't let your pain stop you from building memories.

Mina I am so sorry. You can not know how much it hurts me to think another woman has lost her child. I am so angry that this keeps happening and everytime it does the first reaction is BUT I NEVER KNEW BABIES DIED. We don't know this but it is the sadest truth this world has to offer. They don't tell us babies can die in our anti-natal classes, they know how often and easily babies die and they keep women ignorant but without this ignorance no one could have a happy pregnancy. Remember the happy times before you lost your little one? You won't have that next time Mina, the innocent bliss will be replaced by fear and anxiety next time. And rightly so but keep remembering those more happy times. SANDS (stillbirth and neonatal death support) recommend that mothers try to sit down and write their babies birth story if they can, it can be very healing and it can then be added to the collection of memories you have of your darling. Your husband also might like to write things he remembers. Feelings you both felt, hopes you had that won't be. As hard as it is to face these broken dreams, it will again be these dreams that tie your child to you forever more. Just because these dreams won't come true doesn't mean the dream has ended.

Do you have a memory box Mina? If not get your self a box made of anything you like, you can buy it decorated or do that yourself. This gives you something to keep all of bubby's things in. Our memory box is our baby's 'bedroom', it is her special place forever more. You could make a scrap book filled with your memories of the pregnancy, mementos from the pregnancy and anything else that has meaning, like a special outfit. The most imoprtant thing is to acknowledge that this IS your child, your daughter and you have every right to greive and miss and love her. These memories are your right should you want them Mina. There are artists that will take a photo of you and your hubby and do a composite portrait of your baby, this is something you could consider getting done. There are some places that do the same with digital images also. The results can be magic too!

I can not truly reach out but I am sending you a whole bunch of warm hugs because I bet you're in need of them right now. I know my baby watches down over me Mina. I feel her so close sometimes and I feel confidant knowing that right now there is a very special little girl, your daughter, blowing you angel kisses. One day you'll be reunited Mina. It doesn't matter what our faith is, what our beliefs are... Somehow I think the Powers That Be (God or what ever you wish to call it) will reunite us with our lost babies. You will never be the same person you were before this and you will never reach a point where this pain is fully forgotten and there will be days when you will think you're so broken you'll never be mended. This is true. This particular heart break doesn't heal but you'll grow around that pain and your new life will slowly help to keep it protected. But yes Mina, forever more you will be broken but let me tell you, speaking from experience, I am beautifully broken and so too will you be. We are not the lucky ones but we are of the few who will take heartbreak and build a monument of it. You'll be in my heart and prayers.
mina replied. Your words were so nice.
I am sorry for your loss.. but it feels good to know that someone somewhere knows what I am feeling exactly.

You are so right in saying that this heartbreak does not heal ever. It is 4months now, since I lost her. The pain has not lessened.

There are days when I feel I can move forward. And there are days when I feel that this darkness around me is never going to lift. I will remember as long as I live. Hope you are right. I will meet her some day. But my eternal question to God is \";Why?\";

Thanks for your lovely message. It shows how nice a person you must be.

I haven't been to the site for a while, so didn't get to see your message earlier.

Thanks again
Mina