Relationships  Discussion Forum

hi friends,

I' ve tried to deal with my arrogant hubby in every possible way but failing to lead happy talks with him.

Actually we r married for 4yrs , Initially he was caring , verymuch loving and pampering hubby.though he scolded and expressed dissatisfaction for me not being PERFECT(He over expect frm me as many other hubbies do), ok, I tried to be perfect.As I never had any other problem I sometimes pleased him.Later realised its making more leniant so ignored for somedas.
Sothese days not much talking on being perfect.

Ok, later we had our baby he is toomuch attached to my baby and neglecting me verymuch ,ok , still I' m doing same duties as wife and mother. He expect my complete dedication towards her. I do actually.

now we came to Ind and he became worse in terms with me. He talks daily an hour with his parents very pleasingly and plays with my 2.5 years girl but rarely spends fun time with me. Getting serious just for nothing.


I know indian environment is not suiting his attitude so getting irritated for every process.but he is quite normal with his loving family . I understand it so reduced talking to him because everytime I talk I see him not paying attension. But I noticed whatever his mother or sister tell him, he listen very intrestingly and responds sweetly.


Somehow we r getting some veil between us.I' m feeling He is not loving me anymore. DOnt understand y? I' m doing the most I can as wife .Everyone states (even my Inlaws) that I' ve much patience and Iam only the one can manage our naughty kid. My behaviour with inlaws is nice and they like me and our baby too.

But my hubby is becoming a problem for me. I tried to talk to him and sort out his problme with me but he talks manythings but the moment I tell something starts hating conversing.

Where our mariage is going towards? he want his clothes to be ready before going office, ok, I keep them ready, If anyday its not ready ...he blames for my laziness. I never beeen a lazy even my inlaws know it.

But he is the very arrogant and short tempered , and doesnt like any responsibilities after ofc hours.though plays with naughty baby says with me y cant u manage her , afterall I' m tired. If he say the same to our baby she' ll understand and she' ll coem to me. But while playing with her nicely how can she come to me whom she spend all the day ? she eagerly waits for daddy and when he come she preferplaying wih him and it irritates him. I know playing with her is really tiring .But she cries and yells if i try to divert her. These days I' m somehow managing her not to go to him as soon he enter home...but I' m feeling bad...Y he is this irritating guy???

I wanted always a soft guy but I got an arrogant guy.These days, he completely stopped caring for me. donno y he has changed??I wanted a happy married life but I' m afraid y I' m feeling happy only in his absence. He is terrifying me with his anger. he was very nice but changing somehow. The only major thing is he is irritated by my presence and he lost all love for me?

How to know reason? not that he doest have interse in me ,he prefer having ' it' every alternate night.but my talks and presence is irritating him. now I stopped talking at all except when needed or only if he asked for my suggestion. but I feel some abnormal thing with him. I' m sure he is not attracted by any orther woman because he is not that kinda guy.

How to regain his love and concern? Daily i feel like asking but he says\" r u mental?, Already i' m in tension (he has some plans to change his company,i cooperate with his mood suggesting when he ask me somethig),So dont irritate me with ur q' s\"



I' m not able to figure out what could be the reason in not liking my presence?

Planning to go and spend with my parents sometime , so that he can relax. but worried, if not homefood, he doesnt eat well. but anyway, I' ll go and spend there for few days because I badly need some change.bored of his behaviour.


Is anyone faced this kind of phase in married life???Pl answer me how to regain his love back and concern?? Krushna replied. It happens, he is going through some mental stress maybe with his job. Often husbands take their wives for granted and are sweet to their mothers out of fear that they will complain.Even my Husband and I had been to USA, then we moved to India for good, however he was not happy there, did not like the politics there in office and also the long commute and long hours. So he again thought of USA, and we r back again. It happens.Try to get a good baby sitter for your baby, and go to work, it will make you feel better.As for his arrogance, show your indifference, and also tell him that you need his love more. Try to find out ways to please him, appear very happy, plan out a day together,or give him a surprise gift. remind him that it is equally important to be romantic after marriage .Even if he is complaining, keep ur cool, just smile away and try to crack a joke. I have seen that whenever I get angry with my husband, he just tries to crack a joke and change the mood. So now I do the same when he is shouting and angry.Take it easy, show that you r not affected by his bad moods.Also try to express your love for him, so that he feels the same for you. Krushna replied. Hi I can somehow correlate with you.I know these type of husbands are a bit unromantic. My husband is the same. Our problem is that we let ourselves be doormats. Voice yourself whenever you feel that he is being unreasonable. He too must be getting tired at work, and maybe it is just a phase. Even I have had a lot to bear when my kids were small.It truely is a difficult time for a lady. And all husbands dont understand that. When your baby grows up, you will have more time to do the household chores and manage the house well. I am not saying that you r not doing it presently, but there r these minute things which if not found in proper place at the right time, then these husbands get easily irritated.It is all a matter of adjusting to the babys needs and routine .After she gets 5 years pld, things will start to be more relaxed, and easy for you and also for your husband.Also if you can get a babysitter at home, why dont you go out for a part time job due to which everybody will feel good about you. Do some other activities other than looking after the household and baby, so that everybody knows that you have an identity of your own.And you too will feel good about yourself. Naturally your husband will also feel proud of you. Take the challenge and also show him that you are not emotionally dependant on him, you can find other ways to be happy.Slowly, he will start coming after you, seeking you, and will love you more.Have patience, your husband likes to think with his head and not his heart. But he surely loves you. Ritika replied. I think you' ve spend a lot of time treating him like a 5 yr old child...treat him like a grown up now.. which means letting him do his own stuff for a while...stop running after him and trying to please him...

You are offering everything to him on a plate...and taking all his tantrums, ridicule etc like a sponge...STOP doing that! If you don' t respect yourself, he will also not do it!

NOBODY in this world is PERFECT..and least of all your husband..how much has he done to be a \" Perfect\" husband??

I googled on the on the characteristics of an abusive personality..and this is one their traits -
\" Unrealistic Expectations-

The abuser may expects you to be the perfect husband, wife, mother, father, lover, and friend. He/she is very dependent on you for all his/her needs, and may tell you he/she can fulfil all your needs as lover, friend, and companion. Statements such as: ' lf you love me, I' m all you need.' , ' You are all I need.' are common. Your abuser may expect you to provide everything for him/her emotionally, practically, financially or spiritually, and then blame you for not being perfect or living up to expectation. \"

Show some spirit girl!! The more you follow him around, the more he' ll back away..develop other interests..new hobbies...spend time with other girl friends..start ignoring him for a change...and chances are he' ll be running after you afer that... Sanjana replied. Hi Denny,
As you stated leave him alone for a while...i think you doing too much...like keeping his cloth out..believe me even indian female in this century doesn' t do all those stuff..he doesn' t have eye to see your dedecation towards your marriage..
I don' t know how..but you need to make him realize the work you do..talking might make situation worst.Goodluck.