Relationships  Discussion Forum

I wrote here previously about my interfering mil, sil and my abusive husband. It is 3 years since we are married and he has changed a lot whereas my in-laws became more insecured and abusive. They constantly complain about me and my relatives to him. Evey week he has some or other questions to me. Now we have a 4 months old baby. Though he loves me, he couldn' t show that in front of them. I was polite so far with the hope that i can win their trust with my love. This didn' t happen but things took turn from bad to worse. They started thinking i am a coward and became arrogant in their communication to me. My husband still wants me to apologize to them for all their false accusations just to maintain a happy married life.
I can discard in-laws' comments or iltreatments to me. How can i stand my husbands restrictions on my fundamental rights and the feelings of my self esteem?
He hits me physically and then falls at my feet. I know he is venting his emotions towards those controlling women on me. How long can i tolerate this? He says he loves me too much and he can' t live without me. I can understand his situation. He is scared to stand against his mother and sister. They emotionally threaten him in the name of love. To satisfy their ego he has sacrificed all his pleasures, right from having a dinner on our wedding day to going out on vacations or visiting my relatives. He has never bought me a single gift in these 3 years whereas last year alone we have sent $14000 to his parents and we sponsor his sisters visit everytime (atleast twice a year, >$1000).

Till now i didn' t expose my in-laws' negative side to my relatives. My husband hit me again for a petty reason, i told my relatives about that. They questioned his sister, she cried. To take revenge for that, he bad mouthed about me to my relatives. He said I am talking ill about all of them. He said it is me who hits him everytime. When i asked why is he telling lies, he said since his sister cried he wanted me to cry. Little did he realize that my relatives won' t believe his false allegations and they saw his family' s true color.
I said i want to leave him since he doesn' t have any respect for me. He falls at my feet and asks me not to go. He is telling my brother' s reactions are uncalled for.
I know he loves me and he is scared to show that to me. But how long can i undergo this kind of treatment and stress. I feel if i leave him atleast for a short while it will give time for his family and for him to realize what they have been doing to me. But he is threatening that he will show me hell when i return back.
Just because of childbirth i quit my job, otherwise i have been working. Though i have a girl baby i don' t have any fear of supporting her. The only problem is my immigration status since i don' t have a green card. I need your advice on what i should do now.
Thanks. vimpi replied. Hi Sumati,

Are you on H4 now that you are not working? Have you and your husband filed jointly for GC? What is your husbands status?
Any case since your baby is 4 months why don' t you look for a good job where they will sponsor a H1 for you? Send your baby to a good day care. That way you do not have to worry about depending on husband for maintaining status.
If you are in software going back to India is a great option. A lot of good opportunities there. You do not have to think that living in the USA is the only option for you.
First of all never hesitate to call 911 if you are abused. Your inlaws and husband will learn a lesson for their life. If your husband has any concern for his GC status if not for you, at least for that sake he will think twice before hitting you. So please do use the 911 card. Just watch his reaction and your inlaws reaction. They will have to shut up when the policeman conducts his enquiry. Ritika replied. If you were working before, you must be on H1 B visa I assume...

You can also check with a good immigration lawyer...I know there is a category of green card available for women who want to leave an abusive marriage...

check with organizations like \" Raksha\" etc who can help you in the entire process...

Don' t fall for your husband falling on yr feet routine..its the trademark of abusive guys...

All the best and take care...