Hello Friends
Today i really need your help.I really dont know what to do.U all are elder than me,married,more experienced so u can guide me well.Now let me tell u my problem.I am 24 yr old good looking girl who just finished MBBS.Now there is lots of pressure on me to get married.But i am not prepared.I feel i need atleast 4 more yrs to settle my career.I am preparing for PG n i hope i will have completed my MS after 4 yrs.Just 1 yr back i opened my diagnostic clinic too.n it will take atleast few yrs to establish that too.moreover i was never free during MBBS now i want to learn cooking.i want to join sports club.i want to do mass communication course i mean i have lots of things to do n i want to live my life first.get independent n then only get married.BUT NOW I FEEL LIKE A BIRD WHO WANTS TO BE FREE.its true i want to settle down,have nice family,want to cook,clean,wear saree,everything that a very traditional girl would want to do.all little dreams.but I DONT WANT TO DO IT NOW.now my relatives,parents,friends feel that 28 willl be too late.I dont want to do arranged marriage.i want to find someone for me.my parents are ok with that.but they feel it will be late to get married at 28.DO U THINK IT WILL BE LATE ??WHEN DID U GET MARRIED??AT WHAT AGE?my parents always support me.i am the only child so its very easy.i hope i will find someone i love in these 4 yrs.by that time i will be settled in my career tooo.but tell me what u would have done if u were in my place.I am only child.parents are almost 58.but physically they are fine.they are ok even if i wait.i am very very confused.another thing is one of my senior has proposed to me.talked with parents.now he wants to get engaged.he was my good friend in college.helped me many times.he is now doing specialism is oncology.( cancer specialist)he belongs to a very very rich family.only son.right now he is in US.my parents think i wont get a match like him again as he is so good n all.now problem is my career will get totally spoilt if i go to US as i want to do my specialism from here.he wants to stay there for next 4 yrs so he wants to get married now as he is almost 29.he wants to have kids soon.then he 24hrs think of money n i hate that.i dont like him but when i think everything is ok about him.but his mechanical attitude towards life is enough to make me go mad.the one thing i dislike most about guys is they are practical.for me it makes a person cheap n i dont want to get married to a machine so i feel like saying him a NO.what do u think is right ?should i get married ?i am not prepared.when i think of wearing saree from these skirts,jeans n suits i get sad.when i think of cooking,cleaning all the time i feel disturbed.then to share everything with someone will be so embarassing.then to have kids is so painful.horible pain.during MBBS i used to be scared of onethig that was going to maternity ward.oh god why he made me a girl.im not prepared to get married.it seems very difficult.people feel happy when they get married n here im not getting any dream.i just dream of cooking cleaning not studying then doing everything that husband says.what kind of life it will be ?PLS TELL ME IS IT OK TO GET MARRIED AT 28???i want to marry i cant live a lonely life so i have to get married but is it ok at 28??or will it be horribly late???
THANKS FOR LISTENING SO MUCH
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Hello Friends
Today i really need your help.I really dont know what to do.U all are elder than me,married,more experienced so u can guide me well.Now let me tell u my problem.I am 24 yr old good looking girl who just finished MBBS.Now there is lots of pressure on me to get married.But i am not prepared.I feel i need atleast 4 more yrs to settle my career.I am preparing for PG n i hope i will have completed my MS after 4 yrs.Just 1 yr back i opened my diagnostic clinic too.n it will take atleast few yrs to establish that too.moreover i was never free during MBBS now i want to learn cooking.i want to join sports club.i want to do mass communication course i mean i have lots of things to do n i want to live my life first.get independent n then only get married.BUT NOW I FEEL LIKE A BIRD WHO WANTS TO BE FREE.its true i want to settle down,have nice family,want to cook,clean,wear saree,everything that a very traditional girl would want to do.all little dreams.but I DONT WANT TO DO IT NOW.now my relatives,parents,friends feel that 28 willl be too late.I dont want to do arranged marriage.i want to find someone for me.my parents are ok with that.but they feel it will be late to get married at 28.DO U THINK IT WILL BE LATE ??WHEN DID U GET MARRIED??AT WHAT AGE?my parents always support me.i am the only child so its very easy.i hope i will find someone i love in these 4 yrs.by that time i will be settled in my career tooo.but tell me what u would have done if u were in my place.I am only child.parents are almost 58.but physically they are fine.they are ok even if i wait.i am very very confused.another thing is one of my senior has proposed to me.talked with parents.now he wants to get engaged.he was my good friend in college.helped me many times.he is now doing specialism is oncology.( cancer specialist)he belongs to a very very rich family.only son.right now he is in US.my parents think i wont get a match like him again as he is so good n all.now problem is my career will get totally spoilt if i go to US as i want to do my specialism from here.he wants to stay there for next 4 yrs so he wants to get married now as he is almost 29.he wants to have kids soon.then he 24hrs think of money n i hate that.i dont like him but when i think everything is ok about him.but his mechanical attitude towards life is enough to make me go mad.the one thing i dislike most about guys is they are practical.for me it makes a person cheap n i dont want to get married to a machine so i feel like saying him a NO.what do u think is right ?should i get married ?i am not prepared.when i think of wearing saree from these skirts,jeans n suits i get sad.when i think of cooking,cleaning all the time i feel disturbed.then to share everything with someone will be so embarassing.then to have kids is so painful.horible pain.during MBBS i used to be scared of onethig that was going to maternity ward.oh god why he made me a girl.im not prepared to get married.it seems very difficult.people feel happy when they get married n here im not getting any dream.i just dream of cooking cleaning not studying then doing everything that husband says.what kind of life it will be ?PLS TELL ME IS IT OK TO GET MARRIED AT 28???i want to marry i cant live a lonely life so i have to get married but is it ok at 28??or will it be horribly late???
THANKS FOR LISTENING SO MUCH
Dia replied. Sneha,
Marriage is between 2 hearts.It shdnt be just for parents.
If u r confidnet u can achieve goals, go for them. Not to that guy. U can see many girls depressed for getting married by parents force and not gettig a chance to settle in career later.
Being ambitious is not just for guys. U can be ambitious too. My friend is 28 now , working in HP and getting married next month.Not that she decided to postpone her marriage but she didnt find right person so didnt force herself to parents taste. Even she is not alone but has 2 more sisters younger to her. Imagine how hard it is to convince parents .But atlast she got it.
I' m confident that within these 4yrs , u' ll find right person and u' ll get married. Just dont think only about age of 28.If u find a correct guy that give support to ur goals , u can marry at 26 , which is very common age.
Best of luck!U can forget this guy.But REMEMBER dont ever repent ur decision and dont get panic if anyone says ... ' u r getting late' ?! because if u marry him the chances r more to repent for sacrificing ur life just for illusions.
When u r not prepared at all for marriage, its best option to stop thinking of marriage and go further. Just be confident someone made for u and u can get him when time comes.
ALL THE BEST DR.SNEHA!!
Ritika replied. I couldn' t help but post my reply after reading the spate of messages urging you to marry this guy you' ve talked about in your mail!
First of all - you dont seem compatible with this guy AT ALL. From what you have mentioned, you seem grateful to him for help with studies..but nowhere did I read the words, like or love etc...You and him seem to be as different as chalk and cheese...and on very basic issues...getting married is fine but getting married to the RIGHT guy is also important..otherwise you' ll regret it all your life...
A big mistake that girls make and keep urging others to make is to accept the first guy who proposes to you (assuming ofcourse he has a good job)...
If you do not feel comfortable about marrying this guy - say NO. All the money in the world is not going to make you happy if you are not getting along with your hubby after marriage.
Every woman is different and unique..what works for one need not work for another...as on lady said below, she thinks dreams are only for guys and girls should not be ambitious and should get married as soon as possible..etc etc..This kind of thinking might have worked for her..but might be disastrous for you...
You seem to be very committed to your profession (having opened a clinic already at such a tender age)..I have a feeling that if you do not get to enrich yourself by studying and working further, you will always regret that...
My advice would be to wait and get married to someone you would WANT TO..preferably in India (coz in US, if you do not get admission to a residency program, you will never be able to practice)...
Incidentally, marriage is not all cleaning and cooking..if you marry the right guy, he' ll help you with household chores and not expect you to wait on him like a maid...
Scores of women get married after the age of 24...you are just a sprig chicken...:)
Actually in India, there is tremendous pressure to marry...so just be strong and withstand all emotional lectures given to you by your mom, dad etc...
Your mail reminds me of the time when I had refused a couple of proposals from my classmates in college...then I refused one that my dad got...(All after meeting the guys)...my mother was so furious with me because according to her - my reason of \" I' m not at all attracted to this guy\" was not enough...she couldn' t understand why that was important when the guy was educated, had a good job and was from a good family...She threatened to lock me up until I said yes...) my answer was that if I get married to that guy and be miserable, what sort of a marriage would I have and would she be happy with that?
Your plan of 28 is still 4 yrs away...and things dont go according to plan always..keep your mind open..go for your dreams and find and marry somebody who supports those dreams..and doesnt think that it is all humbug...
Take care and all the best...
Jiya replied. I am living in US.i am also well qualified n earning.still my life revolves around hubby n kids.even if u do MS what will u get?u would earn cook clean thats it.i dont understand why we girls see dreams.dont miss opportunity if ur getting a nice guy as still getting married makes u complete.other things arent that important.at 28 u will find it very difficult to get a good person.no guy wants to have a girl of 28 yrs thats the ttruth !!!if he is well settled he will go for a younger girl not U.what will he do with ur education ??i know it hurts but it happened with my sister.she reached 29 n it got very difficult to get her married.
all the best dear
D replied. hi dear
why dont u get married to him n then do ur studies simultaneously.28 isnt the age for girls to get married.people still see the younger ur the better ur.
kanika replied. dont be so ambitious otherwise u will be very hurt one day.all dreams are for guys.better get married.remember we are women
Sarika replied. Hi Sneha
i would suggest u to get married.see we woman are born for sacrificing ourselves for others happiness.think of ur parents n get married.who will marry u at 28 ? atleast not a very nice guy .its india dear however qualified u are but its ur age n looks that matter in marriage.so go for marriage.
neelu replied. HI SNEHA,
I am also an only child of my parents and though i was 26 when i got married i did it for them.MY advice to you is that follow your dream.Nowdays 28 is normal age for carreir minded girls to get married.THe time that you' ll loose by getting married will never ever come back. YOU have put so much energy, time, hardwork towards your carreir don' t let it go waste. Believe me, your parents will be very proud of you once you have achieved your goal.And you will find perfect match. Have faith in GOd and above all HAVE FAITH IN YOUR SELF AND YUOR ABILITIES.
GO FOR YOUR DREAM.
good luck
SUMAN replied. DEAR Sneha,
I think you must talk to him very often as possible before coming to the decision talk to him freely what all are ur dreams till further 4yrs & that it is very imp for u after spending so many years of ur life reaching till MBBS. Ask him what is his opinion about giving you space in fulfiling your dreams(means to continue ur studies & no children till 4yrs than maybe you urself may decide in 2yrs having a child)
And the question of wearing jeans & skirts USA is a modern country & he himself being a DR may not have any objection but better to ask if he will allow you to put sometimes.
According to ur education u should choose a well educated guy like him.
Instead of love marriage, Love after marriage will give a total different taste in ur life.
SO better be frank & clear to him about ur dreams & move further with him,bcoz 28 may make u regret later.
Best of Luck & let us know if u agree the knot.
2007-03-13
#1
Name: Dia Subject: Good Luck!
Sneha,
Marriage is between 2 hearts.It shdnt be just for parents.
If u r confidnet u can achieve goals, go for them. Not to that guy. U can see many girls depressed for getting married by parents force and not gettig a chance to settle in career later.
Being ambitious is not just for guys. U can be ambitious too. My friend is 28 now , working in HP and getting married next month.Not that she decided to postpone her marriage but she didnt find right person so didnt force herself to parents taste. Even she is not alone but has 2 more sisters younger to her. Imagine how hard it is to convince parents .But atlast she got it.
I' m confident that within these 4yrs , u' ll find right person and u' ll get married. Just dont think only about age of 28.If u find a correct guy that give support to ur goals , u can marry at 26 , which is very common age.
Best of luck!U can forget this guy.But REMEMBER dont ever repent ur decision and dont get panic if anyone says ... ' u r getting late' ?! because if u marry him the chances r more to repent for sacrificing ur life just for illusions.
When u r not prepared at all for marriage, its best option to stop thinking of marriage and go further. Just be confident someone made for u and u can get him when time comes.
ALL THE BEST DR.SNEHA!!
2007-03-13
#2
Name: Ritika Subject: Re:
I couldn' t help but post my reply after reading the spate of messages urging you to marry this guy you' ve talked about in your mail!
First of all - you dont seem compatible with this guy AT ALL. From what you have mentioned, you seem grateful to him for help with studies..but nowhere did I read the words, like or love etc...You and him seem to be as different as chalk and cheese...and on very basic issues...getting married is fine but getting married to the RIGHT guy is also important..otherwise you' ll regret it all your life...
A big mistake that girls make and keep urging others to make is to accept the first guy who proposes to you (assuming ofcourse he has a good job)...
If you do not feel comfortable about marrying this guy - say NO. All the money in the world is not going to make you happy if you are not getting along with your hubby after marriage.
Every woman is different and unique..what works for one need not work for another...as on lady said below, she thinks dreams are only for guys and girls should not be ambitious and should get married as soon as possible..etc etc..This kind of thinking might have worked for her..but might be disastrous for you...
You seem to be very committed to your profession (having opened a clinic already at such a tender age)..I have a feeling that if you do not get to enrich yourself by studying and working further, you will always regret that...
My advice would be to wait and get married to someone you would WANT TO..preferably in India (coz in US, if you do not get admission to a residency program, you will never be able to practice)...
Incidentally, marriage is not all cleaning and cooking..if you marry the right guy, he' ll help you with household chores and not expect you to wait on him like a maid...
Scores of women get married after the age of 24...you are just a sprig chicken...:)
Actually in India, there is tremendous pressure to marry...so just be strong and withstand all emotional lectures given to you by your mom, dad etc...
Your mail reminds me of the time when I had refused a couple of proposals from my classmates in college...then I refused one that my dad got...(All after meeting the guys)...my mother was so furious with me because according to her - my reason of \" I' m not at all attracted to this guy\" was not enough...she couldn' t understand why that was important when the guy was educated, had a good job and was from a good family...She threatened to lock me up until I said yes...) my answer was that if I get married to that guy and be miserable, what sort of a marriage would I have and would she be happy with that?
Your plan of 28 is still 4 yrs away...and things dont go according to plan always..keep your mind open..go for your dreams and find and marry somebody who supports those dreams..and doesnt think that it is all humbug...
Take care and all the best...
2007-03-12
#3
Name: Jiya Subject: Marriage is the best option for u
I am living in US.i am also well qualified n earning.still my life revolves around hubby n kids.even if u do MS what will u get?u would earn cook clean thats it.i dont understand why we girls see dreams.dont miss opportunity if ur getting a nice guy as still getting married makes u complete.other things arent that important.at 28 u will find it very difficult to get a good person.no guy wants to have a girl of 28 yrs thats the ttruth !!!if he is well settled he will go for a younger girl not U.what will he do with ur education ??i know it hurts but it happened with my sister.she reached 29 n it got very difficult to get her married.
all the best dear
2007-03-12
#4
Name: D Subject: Sneha be practical
hi dear
why dont u get married to him n then do ur studies simultaneously.28 isnt the age for girls to get married.people still see the younger ur the better ur.
2007-03-12
#5
Name: kanika Subject: Dreams are for guys not for girls
dont be so ambitious otherwise u will be very hurt one day.all dreams are for guys.better get married.remember we are women
2007-03-12
#6
Name: Sarika Subject: 28 will be too late.for women 24 is the right age.
Hi Sneha
i would suggest u to get married.see we woman are born for sacrificing ourselves for others happiness.think of ur parents n get married.who will marry u at 28 ? atleast not a very nice guy .its india dear however qualified u are but its ur age n looks that matter in marriage.so go for marriage.
2007-03-10
#7
Name: neelu Subject: TO SNEHA
HI SNEHA,
I am also an only child of my parents and though i was 26 when i got married i did it for them.MY advice to you is that follow your dream.Nowdays 28 is normal age for carreir minded girls to get married.THe time that you' ll loose by getting married will never ever come back. YOU have put so much energy, time, hardwork towards your carreir don' t let it go waste. Believe me, your parents will be very proud of you once you have achieved your goal.And you will find perfect match. Have faith in GOd and above all HAVE FAITH IN YOUR SELF AND YUOR ABILITIES.
GO FOR YOUR DREAM.
good luck
2007-03-10
#8
Name: SUMAN Subject: Be Frank !
DEAR Sneha,
I think you must talk to him very often as possible before coming to the decision talk to him freely what all are ur dreams till further 4yrs & that it is very imp for u after spending so many years of ur life reaching till MBBS. Ask him what is his opinion about giving you space in fulfiling your dreams(means to continue ur studies & no children till 4yrs than maybe you urself may decide in 2yrs having a child)
And the question of wearing jeans & skirts USA is a modern country & he himself being a DR may not have any objection but better to ask if he will allow you to put sometimes.
According to ur education u should choose a well educated guy like him.
Instead of love marriage, Love after marriage will give a total different taste in ur life.
SO better be frank & clear to him about ur dreams & move further with him,bcoz 28 may make u regret later.
Best of Luck & let us know if u agree the knot.
2007-03-11
#9
Name: S Subject: Let her realise her dreams
She doesn´ t sound like she is in love with that guy or anything like that. If she does get married to him, it would be a marriage of convenience. I am sure she can find someone else (or even him) later. On the other hand, if she gets married now, she might lose out on her dreams. So I would recommend that she pursue he career. I also agree that these days many career women postpone marriage till they are 28-30.
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Good Luck!
Marriage is the best option for u
Sneha be practical
Dreams are for guys not for girls
Be Frank !
Name: S
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