Me and my hubby love each other very much a few weeks(First phase) then again he pretends as if i am not at all there(Second Phase).But always I am after his mom,sister & dad.I want to be his first preference.He made me promise I won' t work.
In first phase,
I feel I am blessed to have him as
my hubby.A loving and caring one.Even in this phase I should not talk about any expense or money.Suddenly he gets aggressive.I can' t even try anything to change his this behavior.
Whenever we are in the second phase
he makes me feel worse for money.Believe me i am not at all extravagant or anything.Just i ask things only for kitchen and home needs.Just for this he tells me that i am worse in spending his money.I don' t even like the words his money.He is this not only with me, even he does not buy a nice shirt for himself
On the other hand he sends a good amount to my in_laws.Both are earning handsome amounts.MIL is a doc and FIL is a Govt Official(In a very good post),SIL yet to be married, is a doc,earning too.I said he is sending a good amount to in_laws and it is such that we won' t have money around 23rd or 24th of every month and postpone all expenses for next month.He is a 7yrs experienced S/w professional in a reputed MNC.Once when he had some good money he wanted to buy a car and his father did not allow.So he did not buy.
Daily he comes home from work very late and have his food then talk to his parents and sister for an hour( it' s true.The phone call is free).I don' t like this too because they speak just about me or money.Never about their relatives,their health,general issues nothing.
Could some one help me find out an answer for these questions.Why a man capable of buying 2 houses,car,property, and with good income want his son to send money when he knows he has to pay loan and cudn' t manage.Am I supposed to ask anything or should I keep quiet since it is his money and I am not earning.Why does he want to speak to his parents for an hour daily?He is doing it as if it is some ritual.
I am tired of all these.I am alone at home and I feel depressed.Am I supposed to ask anything or should I keep quiet since it is his money and I am not earning.
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hi
Me and my hubby love each other very much a few weeks(First phase) then again he pretends as if i am not at all there(Second Phase).But always I am after his mom,sister & dad.I want to be his first preference.He made me promise I won' t work.
In first phase,
I feel I am blessed to have him as
my hubby.A loving and caring one.Even in this phase I should not talk about any expense or money.Suddenly he gets aggressive.I can' t even try anything to change his this behavior.
Whenever we are in the second phase
he makes me feel worse for money.Believe me i am not at all extravagant or anything.Just i ask things only for kitchen and home needs.Just for this he tells me that i am worse in spending his money.I don' t even like the words his money.He is this not only with me, even he does not buy a nice shirt for himself
On the other hand he sends a good amount to my in_laws.Both are earning handsome amounts.MIL is a doc and FIL is a Govt Official(In a very good post),SIL yet to be married, is a doc,earning too.I said he is sending a good amount to in_laws and it is such that we won' t have money around 23rd or 24th of every month and postpone all expenses for next month.He is a 7yrs experienced S/w professional in a reputed MNC.Once when he had some good money he wanted to buy a car and his father did not allow.So he did not buy.
Daily he comes home from work very late and have his food then talk to his parents and sister for an hour( it' s true.The phone call is free).I don' t like this too because they speak just about me or money.Never about their relatives,their health,general issues nothing.
Could some one help me find out an answer for these questions.Why a man capable of buying 2 houses,car,property, and with good income want his son to send money when he knows he has to pay loan and cudn' t manage.Am I supposed to ask anything or should I keep quiet since it is his money and I am not earning.Why does he want to speak to his parents for an hour daily?He is doing it as if it is some ritual.
I am tired of all these.I am alone at home and I feel depressed.Am I supposed to ask anything or should I keep quiet since it is his money and I am not earning.
Chandhana replied. Thank You dddd & all friends for ur concern.
Ritika replied. Hi Chandhana,
In your first mail you started off by saying that you and your hubby love eachother very much and that you feel blessed to have him as your hubby.
However, in your second mail, you mention such serious issues that I' m extremely confused.
Your husband is physically abusive & has ONLY stopped beating you after police threat from your brother. He has threatened to leave you and has called up yr place asking you not to come back..He and his family have been verbally abusive to you and your parents...
I would think that these issues are way more serious and need to be resolved than whether he sends money to your in laws.
Him not letting you work, your FIL extracting a promise that you shd not work in any place (just because you refused his job offer)...are all part of the same abuse culture that staying with such a man warrants..
I think that sometimes we are so afraid of breaking convention and finding an alternate path in our lives that we prefer staying in one that breaks us emotionally and physically.
You are a software professional..an educated lady..with a supportive family..WHY would you tolerate living with such a physically and mentally abusive husband??
I would still suggest that you go for your s/w job. Why should you sacrifice your career and future because of your FIL' s ego? and your husband' s controlling nature?
Pls ask yourself - why are you really staying with such a man. What in your life are the positives that you get by being with him and the negatives that you get by being with him. Then decide.
Because frankly my dear you have got an abusive man as your husband and generally they do not get any better.
And please do not have any children before you resolve these underlying issues in your life. I cannot stress enough that children need a happy household to live in...an abusive husband can easily be an abusive father too...
Take care,
Ritika
Chandhana replied. Hi friends,
Thank you Anu,Ritika,dd,CCC.
Thank you so much for your responses this quick.Thank you for your valuable suggestions too.Everyone insists on me being economically independent.I have left out something.I am a professional graduate.Initially I was trying for a job,then my FIL said he would arrange a job for me.(I was surprised how nice he was to me).Being a professional graduate I didn' t like to work in that job(that job has nothing to do with computers).I think u gals understand me.I am not too fussy.But if I start my career(with contracts) in that job I can' t account it for my experience and I was about to get another job in a S/W firm.So i said i wudn' t go for that job.And what happened is they made me promise that i wudn' t go to any other job if not for this job.I thought i can agree now and later i can manage and i said okay.Then after a month I got the offer from that S/W firm.When i started that topic we had serious arguments at home and my hubby reminded me of the promise and his father wudn' t like and all stuff.Only then I realised my mistakes and it' s serious effects.wat a fool i am.
U gals might think that i shud ignore all that and join the job.Earlier in my life i have been dealt severely(learnt lessons) by my inlaws.In the first year of our marriage when me and my husband went into the second phase i just ignored him.He became more attracted to his parents.I didn' t care.I just don' t like to keep him pleased even when he is ignoring and shouting at me.In this situation we had a function at home and my FIL in front of all guests shouted at me like anything.He said i am treating his son like my servant and not performing my wifely duties(I think it is begging behind ur hubby even if he ignores u) and shouted at my parents for not bringing me up properly.He said i have grown up with all worst habits.My parents felt ashamed in the crowd.Me too.felt very very very bad.And after every one left my hubby said ask sorry to his parents.I didn' t feel I shud be sorry.I was sure i haven' t done anything wrong.But still I begged them like anything.i feel worse even to recollect those days.Even then they didn' t allow their son to speak with me.Only we two in the home and he wudn' t speak to me.And i needed a break i went to my parent' s house.I got proper permission from my inlaws.They said i can go and all.But soon after(2 days) i went there,my hubby called my brother and said keep your sister with u. don' t ever send her.I called my hubby for certificates.He wudn' t even attend the calls.Then he came to my inlaws house(same city as my parent' s) and my brother spoke to him and convinced him that it was not good for a husband and wife to live parted.So he agreed to take me with him.But only after going with him i realised the problem was not over.Listening to his parents he even started hurting me physically.I didn' t want to share this with my parents so i kept quiet.He didn' t stop.One day my SIL(my brother' s wife) stepped in and i told her what was going on.She saw the bruises and took snaps with that bruises and went home and sent my brother.He came and said my hubby and showed the pictures and told one wrong move against my sister and ur whole family is behind the bars.Then he calmly convinced my husband to be nice with me.This picture matter was told to my inlaws and they learnt to leave me alone.Just for an year living a normal life.Also i have learnt not to create problems with them and agree with them in all issues because even as a worst case,if i lodge a complaint with this pic stuff,first thing is i will lose my life.So i have learnt not to speak against them.When they are not really giving me a hard time i should be alright with their ideas.Only thing i am supposed to do is play some tricks on my hubby and make him realize the fact that if we don' t have money we will get into some problems.
I am really sorry girls for such a long depressing story.May be i should put some warning like \" Don' t read.Very depressing!\" lol.I thought of explaining the situation.May be some of you would have experienced something like this and out of it now.If you know my situation in detail you might help me.thats y.Now i am trying for a baby.
I am actually sorry for this long depressing msg.
CCC replied. Hello,
Most of the married women go thru this phase. Nothing is going to change by talking to them or arguing with them.
You need to act intelligently, like how his parents act and take away all the money.
First you should be financially independent. Find a job for yourself, keep yourself busy , then you won' t have time to think about him.
Second, you can go for a baby ( I am not sure for how long you have been married) trust me this will work, he will start showing lot of love and affection to the baby, this can divert his mind from his people. Make him busy with the kid and slowly make him to realize to save money for baby and its future.
Just by fighting with them, nothing is going to work. And don' t ever show him that you are mentally weak and you need love, affection etc, the psychology tells that if you show more love, then that person will never respect it, if you start ignoring them, then they will come behind you.
dd replied. Chandana while reading your post i felt a sense of deja vu as i am in similar situation. I live in US.Although my husband doesnt send any money to my in laws the situation is similar as yours in many ways.
My in laws have taught my husband things like dont give money to your wife but his sister loots in his house and her husbands house.The rules are different for daughter and dil.i am married for 4 1/2 yrs my husband himself wont give me any money. So i deviced a plan i buy something and tell him i want it i sacrificed a lot for you and make him pay. Of course i did sacrifice a lot and still doing. after coming here after marriage in 6 months he lost his job and from then he is working on and off.so i have no way of thinking of taking a vacation or spending on anything expensive.But now he just pays for somethings i buy.
as far as giving money its still in process. he gives me 10-20 dollars here and there.
But my in laws tell him all the time not to buy house or anything here as they want him to come back to india.funny when i married him he told he wants to settle in US and we dont have objection.now after marriage they keep telling to come back.his sister runs the show in india . with my husband here she cant hence asking to come back. But i have put my foot down to my husband.i take different measures each time.Just as anu mentioned we shud learn such things in situations where husbands are difficult.
Can you imagine my in laws have convinced my husband once our permanent residence application is halfway thru he shud send me to work.I am a professional grad.My husband isnt keen on me working.I just remembered seeing your in laws convincing your husband not to buy car.
If you hvae a 2 wheeler when u go for shopping do lots of shopping even if veg once he puts it in his 2 wheeler and you behind he will want a car.Why dont u do this exercise 1 -2 months after this tiring exercise he will want a car.
And you can also try for a job. nowadays all husbands like extra income. He may object 1-2 months later seeing some surplus money he will be happy. My husband doesnt want me to work becoz he doesnt want me to be independent and be always depend on his income. his sister works . He doesnt mind that. Its usual in majority of husbands. They want wife to be always without any ambition look upto them.i bet 99% husbands want a wife like that. also once u get a job set terms and have a separate a/c . better be bad before than regret later right.Best of luck. post back.
Ritika replied. Why does he not want you to work? His mom and sister both are working, arent they...so its not as if he is not used to women working in his house.
Please change your mind and his about your working. You can give any excuse like \" I' m tired of sitting at home..I' m getting bored..\" etc etc. Or the next time he says its HIS money, say that if he doesn' t think you are entitled to his earnings then in that case you would like to start working.
Believe me, the more a women keeps quiet due to the sake of some household peace and bears such double standards from husbands, the more they feel free to make such stupid comments.
I dont know how long you have been married, but usually it takes some time to develop the bond between a husband and wife (specially if it is an arranged marriage) where a husband will start taking his wife' s advise in monetary matters.
Also, the next time he goes in phase 2 i.e. starts ignoring you...try to behave differently (from how you usually behave with him during this phase). If you try to keep talking to him, stop that. if you try to sit next to him and ask him why he' s ignoring you, stop that. Go grab a book and start reading or put on a movie and watch or call a friend and talk..you can even try leaving the house and go window shopping...
I mean whatever it takes for him to notice that there is something different in the way you are reacting to him.
He might have become immune to your usual way of getting his attention...you might have to try something new e.g. maybe ignoring HIM for a while...acting happy and cheerful as if you have a big secret..)
But overall, don' t forget that the most important thing for a women these days is to be economically independent. You can spend years trying to change your hubby' s mindset..or it might be just easier getting a job for yourself...
All the best!!
Anu replied. Hi Chandana,
Your in laws are very selfish & greedy.They want to enjoy thier sons salary since they are thinking he is a \" BAKRA\" . They fed this bakra & now it is thier turn to grab his meat as much as possible.Shouting back to you by your hubby is totaly unaceptable.I also face the same problem, and end up in depression by end of the day.I just learned to swallow the situation & live with it.I guess we can' t do much unless untill husband realize this.But i would suggest you to don' t talk about this issue at all.You know i have realize talking will worsen the situation, we don' t agree with each other & worsen situation.I would suggest act skillfully..you have to use your intelligence my dear..Some how convince him you want to work.And tell him we need atleast a car..now a days even a common clerk will hav a car.why not us??..but remember everything tactfully.hope this helps..
2007-03-02
#1
Name: Chandhana Subject: Thank you
Thank You dddd & all friends for ur concern.
2007-03-01
#2
Name: Ritika Subject: Re:
Hi Chandhana,
In your first mail you started off by saying that you and your hubby love eachother very much and that you feel blessed to have him as your hubby.
However, in your second mail, you mention such serious issues that I' m extremely confused.
Your husband is physically abusive & has ONLY stopped beating you after police threat from your brother. He has threatened to leave you and has called up yr place asking you not to come back..He and his family have been verbally abusive to you and your parents...
I would think that these issues are way more serious and need to be resolved than whether he sends money to your in laws.
Him not letting you work, your FIL extracting a promise that you shd not work in any place (just because you refused his job offer)...are all part of the same abuse culture that staying with such a man warrants..
I think that sometimes we are so afraid of breaking convention and finding an alternate path in our lives that we prefer staying in one that breaks us emotionally and physically.
You are a software professional..an educated lady..with a supportive family..WHY would you tolerate living with such a physically and mentally abusive husband??
I would still suggest that you go for your s/w job. Why should you sacrifice your career and future because of your FIL' s ego? and your husband' s controlling nature?
Pls ask yourself - why are you really staying with such a man. What in your life are the positives that you get by being with him and the negatives that you get by being with him. Then decide.
Because frankly my dear you have got an abusive man as your husband and generally they do not get any better.
And please do not have any children before you resolve these underlying issues in your life. I cannot stress enough that children need a happy household to live in...an abusive husband can easily be an abusive father too...
Take care,
Ritika
2007-03-01
#3
Name: Chandhana Subject: To Ritika
Hi Ritika,
Thank you so much for just taking my problem details and trying to work it out for me.U are so sweet.Again there is a lengthy posting for u.Sorry for this one.I am bad in writing short messages.
Ritika, I feel being physical abuse done by men can´ t be stopped but in my case he was physically abusive just because my in_laws said him to be so (thro phone,such a drama,they said that will be the solution to all his problems and this man tried implementing.cracks).He did not do it out of any urge to beat me.So I think I have put an end to such problems.I mean that threat to make a police complaint works alright.
And it is not a big deal to get divorce and keep going.I won´ t have big trouble to earn my living.My mom_in_law will secure another girl for him & pose for photos in his next wedding.That will be a great success to my mom_in_law.For today´ s women making their life is not at all a big deal.It is an easy task compared to this in_laws problem and stuff.I want to choose this difficult task and accomplish.U may ask why choose this difficult task.
I love him inspite of him being this and that to me (I don´ t know why).If i give up now and go in my own way,he will have another girl in his life (i don´ t like the very idea of that).Or if i keep this battle going atleast after 30 years from now he will have no one else except me and my kid.Or to be exact i will have no competetors after 30 years.
I have good endurance.What i lack is is am not wise enough to make some soft moves that have hard impact(my inlaws are good in that).As of now things are going alright.I hope i am trying to make things normal.I just want to save some money for some emergency atleast.It´ s not going to happen until i make my hubby understand that saving is important than sending money to his parents.But that move should be wise enough not to disturb the present smooth situations.
Now what do you feel Ritika?I thought my problems with these people have come to an end.From what I have told do you infer the same or do you sense that they have temporarily stopped irritating me.I know it´ s difficult to find out for u when i can´ t do it myself.Plz try if u can.
Since i thought all these issues are alright i wanted to concentrate on the money issue.But the reply suggestions did not suit me well thats y i wanted to explain about these people and my situation.
2007-02-28
#4
Name: Chandhana Subject: Thank you friends
Hi friends,
Thank you Anu,Ritika,dd,CCC.
Thank you so much for your responses this quick.Thank you for your valuable suggestions too.Everyone insists on me being economically independent.I have left out something.I am a professional graduate.Initially I was trying for a job,then my FIL said he would arrange a job for me.(I was surprised how nice he was to me).Being a professional graduate I didn' t like to work in that job(that job has nothing to do with computers).I think u gals understand me.I am not too fussy.But if I start my career(with contracts) in that job I can' t account it for my experience and I was about to get another job in a S/W firm.So i said i wudn' t go for that job.And what happened is they made me promise that i wudn' t go to any other job if not for this job.I thought i can agree now and later i can manage and i said okay.Then after a month I got the offer from that S/W firm.When i started that topic we had serious arguments at home and my hubby reminded me of the promise and his father wudn' t like and all stuff.Only then I realised my mistakes and it' s serious effects.wat a fool i am.
U gals might think that i shud ignore all that and join the job.Earlier in my life i have been dealt severely(learnt lessons) by my inlaws.In the first year of our marriage when me and my husband went into the second phase i just ignored him.He became more attracted to his parents.I didn' t care.I just don' t like to keep him pleased even when he is ignoring and shouting at me.In this situation we had a function at home and my FIL in front of all guests shouted at me like anything.He said i am treating his son like my servant and not performing my wifely duties(I think it is begging behind ur hubby even if he ignores u) and shouted at my parents for not bringing me up properly.He said i have grown up with all worst habits.My parents felt ashamed in the crowd.Me too.felt very very very bad.And after every one left my hubby said ask sorry to his parents.I didn' t feel I shud be sorry.I was sure i haven' t done anything wrong.But still I begged them like anything.i feel worse even to recollect those days.Even then they didn' t allow their son to speak with me.Only we two in the home and he wudn' t speak to me.And i needed a break i went to my parent' s house.I got proper permission from my inlaws.They said i can go and all.But soon after(2 days) i went there,my hubby called my brother and said keep your sister with u. don' t ever send her.I called my hubby for certificates.He wudn' t even attend the calls.Then he came to my inlaws house(same city as my parent' s) and my brother spoke to him and convinced him that it was not good for a husband and wife to live parted.So he agreed to take me with him.But only after going with him i realised the problem was not over.Listening to his parents he even started hurting me physically.I didn' t want to share this with my parents so i kept quiet.He didn' t stop.One day my SIL(my brother' s wife) stepped in and i told her what was going on.She saw the bruises and took snaps with that bruises and went home and sent my brother.He came and said my hubby and showed the pictures and told one wrong move against my sister and ur whole family is behind the bars.Then he calmly convinced my husband to be nice with me.This picture matter was told to my inlaws and they learnt to leave me alone.Just for an year living a normal life.Also i have learnt not to create problems with them and agree with them in all issues because even as a worst case,if i lodge a complaint with this pic stuff,first thing is i will lose my life.So i have learnt not to speak against them.When they are not really giving me a hard time i should be alright with their ideas.Only thing i am supposed to do is play some tricks on my hubby and make him realize the fact that if we don' t have money we will get into some problems.
I am really sorry girls for such a long depressing story.May be i should put some warning like \" Don' t read.Very depressing!\" lol.I thought of explaining the situation.May be some of you would have experienced something like this and out of it now.If you know my situation in detail you might help me.thats y.Now i am trying for a baby.
I am actually sorry for this long depressing msg.
2007-02-28
#5
Name: dddd Subject: Take care
Chandana take care of yourself. You have been thru a lot.dont think that women here will feel bad to read stories of women who are hurt. we r here to listen to it and help each other out.you know the year before last year i was in a same state. I started reading from this site and mustered courage and gave back my husband for his abuse. if not sharing with women here i wudnt have got so much courage.Thank you ladies for that. even my husband was severely physically abusing me first i thot it was my fault. then for no reason he started abusing me i avoided talking to him . But still when it continued i got lots of support here and i took legal action.we were separated for some time and by then he lost his job too and had to pay his and my living expenses separate. it drove sense into his head and he isnt physically abusive but still tries to abuse emotionally but that i try to neglect and live. also i have loads of support from my family .even you have that from your family . You shud try to see if living apart for some time will help the marriage. then he will realize what is your position in his life. i was separated from my husband for 2 months and he had also lost his job so he missed me terribly and tried to get back with me thru friends.even my in laws having a daughter in their house supported him and blamed me telling i provoke him .His sister too said its not your fault to him.She forgets she has a daughter too and one day if her sil does same to her daughter will she support him?In laws are good as anybody against u who will oppose anything u do even breathe or move.
you shud think of a way out of this .You are a professional grad.you will get a good job.you know i had no individuality for 3 yrs of my marriage becoz of abuse from husband and in laws(thru phone).we will become nervous wrecks if let everybody walk over us. now i am recovering. i still cant be normal with my husband but i am making an effort.
So u need to think of some way of getting out of this . start taking some courses or a job. Job isnt an alternative means try for a course.its an outlet.best of luck. post back.
2007-02-27
#6
Name: CCC Subject: Good luck
Hello,
Most of the married women go thru this phase. Nothing is going to change by talking to them or arguing with them.
You need to act intelligently, like how his parents act and take away all the money.
First you should be financially independent. Find a job for yourself, keep yourself busy , then you won' t have time to think about him.
Second, you can go for a baby ( I am not sure for how long you have been married) trust me this will work, he will start showing lot of love and affection to the baby, this can divert his mind from his people. Make him busy with the kid and slowly make him to realize to save money for baby and its future.
Just by fighting with them, nothing is going to work. And don' t ever show him that you are mentally weak and you need love, affection etc, the psychology tells that if you show more love, then that person will never respect it, if you start ignoring them, then they will come behind you.
2007-02-27
#7
Name: dd Subject: Dont despair
Chandana while reading your post i felt a sense of deja vu as i am in similar situation. I live in US.Although my husband doesnt send any money to my in laws the situation is similar as yours in many ways.
My in laws have taught my husband things like dont give money to your wife but his sister loots in his house and her husbands house.The rules are different for daughter and dil.i am married for 4 1/2 yrs my husband himself wont give me any money. So i deviced a plan i buy something and tell him i want it i sacrificed a lot for you and make him pay. Of course i did sacrifice a lot and still doing. after coming here after marriage in 6 months he lost his job and from then he is working on and off.so i have no way of thinking of taking a vacation or spending on anything expensive.But now he just pays for somethings i buy.
as far as giving money its still in process. he gives me 10-20 dollars here and there.
But my in laws tell him all the time not to buy house or anything here as they want him to come back to india.funny when i married him he told he wants to settle in US and we dont have objection.now after marriage they keep telling to come back.his sister runs the show in india . with my husband here she cant hence asking to come back. But i have put my foot down to my husband.i take different measures each time.Just as anu mentioned we shud learn such things in situations where husbands are difficult.
Can you imagine my in laws have convinced my husband once our permanent residence application is halfway thru he shud send me to work.I am a professional grad.My husband isnt keen on me working.I just remembered seeing your in laws convincing your husband not to buy car.
If you hvae a 2 wheeler when u go for shopping do lots of shopping even if veg once he puts it in his 2 wheeler and you behind he will want a car.Why dont u do this exercise 1 -2 months after this tiring exercise he will want a car.
And you can also try for a job. nowadays all husbands like extra income. He may object 1-2 months later seeing some surplus money he will be happy. My husband doesnt want me to work becoz he doesnt want me to be independent and be always depend on his income. his sister works . He doesnt mind that. Its usual in majority of husbands. They want wife to be always without any ambition look upto them.i bet 99% husbands want a wife like that. also once u get a job set terms and have a separate a/c . better be bad before than regret later right.Best of luck. post back.
2007-02-27
#8
Name: Ritika Subject: Re:
Why does he not want you to work? His mom and sister both are working, arent they...so its not as if he is not used to women working in his house.
Please change your mind and his about your working. You can give any excuse like \" I' m tired of sitting at home..I' m getting bored..\" etc etc. Or the next time he says its HIS money, say that if he doesn' t think you are entitled to his earnings then in that case you would like to start working.
Believe me, the more a women keeps quiet due to the sake of some household peace and bears such double standards from husbands, the more they feel free to make such stupid comments.
I dont know how long you have been married, but usually it takes some time to develop the bond between a husband and wife (specially if it is an arranged marriage) where a husband will start taking his wife' s advise in monetary matters.
Also, the next time he goes in phase 2 i.e. starts ignoring you...try to behave differently (from how you usually behave with him during this phase). If you try to keep talking to him, stop that. if you try to sit next to him and ask him why he' s ignoring you, stop that. Go grab a book and start reading or put on a movie and watch or call a friend and talk..you can even try leaving the house and go window shopping...
I mean whatever it takes for him to notice that there is something different in the way you are reacting to him.
He might have become immune to your usual way of getting his attention...you might have to try something new e.g. maybe ignoring HIM for a while...acting happy and cheerful as if you have a big secret..)
But overall, don' t forget that the most important thing for a women these days is to be economically independent. You can spend years trying to change your hubby' s mindset..or it might be just easier getting a job for yourself...
All the best!!
2007-02-27
#9
Name: Anu Subject: Selfish
Hi Chandana,
Your in laws are very selfish & greedy.They want to enjoy thier sons salary since they are thinking he is a \" BAKRA\" . They fed this bakra & now it is thier turn to grab his meat as much as possible.Shouting back to you by your hubby is totaly unaceptable.I also face the same problem, and end up in depression by end of the day.I just learned to swallow the situation & live with it.I guess we can' t do much unless untill husband realize this.But i would suggest you to don' t talk about this issue at all.You know i have realize talking will worsen the situation, we don' t agree with each other & worsen situation.I would suggest act skillfully..you have to use your intelligence my dear..Some how convince him you want to work.And tell him we need atleast a car..now a days even a common clerk will hav a car.why not us??..but remember everything tactfully.hope this helps..
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Thank you
Name: Chandhana
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