Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hi
( reference to my post dated 25.11.2006)
My fiance called up yesterday n told he doesnt have any feelings for me.he feels forced.he didnt talk of breaking engagement.but he was like he isnt happy.I am shattered now.i tried everything these 5 yrs but it happened.I want to die really.I am the only child of my parents.they are generally sick.they need me.I know i cant move on n also that now its not right to continue this as i never want to see him unhappy.i want him to be very happy.its ok if he finds his happiness with someone else.but now life is very difficult for me.I am the only child.dont know how my parents will face this.my mumma will be very upset n i cant see her sad at all.then papa is almost 60 suffering from many health problems.then i am all alone.my family situation is like i cant even die.i cant ever show my tears to them.i cant make them sad.i know this is all over.i think i will ask my fiance to wait to break engagement atleast for a month so that i can prepare my parents.i am going to be 25 this jan.then my career isnt settled.mumma needs to get operated soon.n papa cant take care of her at all.as he himself needs care.i can ignore myself as i need to live for them.sometimes i feel i should just give my best to my parents n commit succide after my duties are over.just want to say onething to all ladies here who are upset because of inlaws n all.trust me u people are lucky that u experienced love.someone cares even if its little.atleast ur living a normal life.settled life.some people dont even have luck.best of luck to all of u.
regards
sona wel replied. I know it is quite easy to advice others , and when it comes to us it is another story but stil I want to tel u something, I also have faced or facing the same problem but after marriage, I got married to him after one year of courtship, ours was a pakka arranged marriage, initially after our engagement he was just like a man any girl wil dream about, but I understood one thing from the very second day that iam his second priority ,first being his job, it was hard for me to accept it, From the very moment I knew he is the man in my life he was my everything and naturally I expected him to do the same. But I think there lies the fundamental difference between men and women .They r more realistic, But now after 2 years of our marriage there is a not a fall of even a single drop in my love, In every relation whether it is love or marriage men cant be consistent, they wil definitely take us for granted, After one year when my dreams of love and family got shattered I even thought abt divorce but I was loving him more than anything in the world and iam sure I cant love without his presence ,then of course the second thot was of suicide but the hope of regaining his love prevented me form doing so .finally I resorted to books and believe me I could rekindle the love in my life, now again iam going back to those initial days of love and romance in him, stuti my advice for u is our mind is the villain, when we start thinking of the absence of love it wil search for that only and when our mind tries to find the love it wil start searching for love, One question for u ,try to answer it sincerely during the initial days after ur engagement were u the same stuti to him ,if he didn’t cal u one day u used to understand abt his busy life or some unavoidable situation or u used to interpret it as the absence of love? In those days did u ever demanded him to cal or u were happy that he si calling u whenever possible? Stuti these were some of the questions that saved my life, Yes during the initial period I was a sweet girl who used to support and justify him a lot, but as time flied without my notice I became a little possessive or demanding, whenever I was complaining him about those unwritten mails when he was abroad and about the absence of feelings for me al the time he was trying to justify himself and he found iam forcing and blaming him, When I changed my route there was unbelievable change even when I was worried abt his unwritten mails I tried to praise the very short mails he used to send once in a while I tried to c his love and care in that ,in return I started getting those romantic letters once again and now he finds himself as the luckiest husband who got a wife who never irritates him like others,.In my opinion men hate being questioned being held responsible, al that they want is approval, give it a lot and gain what u need,

The lose of warmth happens in any relation after some time , even if u got married to the best man in the world it wil definitely happen after some time, only the time span differs , I told what I felt in my heart, I am not compelling u to marry the same person , but atleats u can wait for some more time with some more patience
well wisher replied. see neelima you feel some of the girls who got normal life as you wrote the problems with in-laws and with hubby too are not lucky. pl dont have self-worries. it will destroy all ur confidence. seems to very bold and taking so much care of ur parents at this young age. there is more time for u. please neglect that guy who neglect u. what is the use of marry that guy. u should say thanks to god who saves u before the life with that guy. just imagine after ur marriage with him. each and every second u spend with him is like stand above the fire. u are too young. so dont worry. some good one will happen to u so only for that this engagement fails.
so dear think good, do good and have good. ruby replied. dear neelima first of all be brave do,nt talk like misrable.have faith in god if he does somethung he must have some reason.he must have good plan for uso have faith in god every thing willbe alright.takecare.bye ruby replied. dear neelima first of all be brave do,nt talk like misrable.have faith in god if he does somethung he must have some reason.he must have good plan for uso have faith in god every thing willbe alright.takecare.bye aarti replied. i had arrived at same decision when my first lover (who was the world to me then) broke up. i created such a pain for my parents. my parents in turn did not want to show their pain to me and suffered inside. i resolved to live till my parents financial probelms are over. so i forgot about my own problems, showed strength to get a very good job, worked hard, gave them money, .. During this time I met this good friend of mine, really had very peaceful time with him, finally decided to marry. Did I ever think of possibility of falling in love again?? Never. But it did happen. I am now married to him. There have been big problems from his parents too.. but we showed more patience, we were even separated for 3years before marriage. he was forced to go abroad, I did not know even his phone number. But we miraculously got in touch again, and he proposed again, and after a big story we are now married for 2years. Relationships sometimes seem so important to us - depending on how much we emotionally require that relationship. More than the person, the fact that someone loves can be important. But if we realise this, and make out the difference if the person is close to us or just the fact of being in love, it will be easy to let go. In your case, I feel that you are craving for affection and love. That weakness itself will put the other side into bit difficult position. Guys may feel too burdened if we become overly emotionally dependent on them. Just believe in sharing love and respect. Love is not just romance. Have love for all around, you will get your true love definitely. Smriti replied. I totally can connect to your situation right now as I was in the same shoes couple of years back. I thought at the same time “suicide”- but trust me that am no solution. And see where I am standing today- if I can survive that phase, so can you. I used to consider myself pretty weak to go thru such stuff, but believe me God has better plans for us. If you could just take it as a passing phase, that will be great. Let me put a lil highlight on how overcame this situation myself. My engagement was broken too, and to tell u the truth I was shattered enuff as I had already survived thru heart break (via love affair) before that. I never wanted to get near to the marriage word- but see where I am- I got married two years back and I am pretty much happy. In India, it becomes very hard for a girl to go thru such situation but the changing scenario is making it better when parents are there for our support. Count on them. If the guy you are engaged to is not happy, then I think it’s better to take this step in a matured way asking him the reason and his expectations that according to him are not been met. Be mature and practical and take it to the level of discussing him face to face. It might hurt you (just suppress those thoughts) and may be write it down of how you felt of this situation. You appear as a well educated girl and to tell you the truth- if he is not for you, there is someone ‘special’ waiting for you so be patient till you meet that right guy. 25 years is nothing, I got married when I turned 28. So girl, be independent, take control of the situation in your hand, and be confident. It might be also be a case that he is forced into this marriage (he likes someone else). Think about if, what will u do if u get married to this guy and then you will come to realize that you ended up in a wrong relationship. Trust me it’s not going to easy then. It’s far more worse to go thru a heart break after marriage then before it. Just be strong, and trust me- you will get thru this smoothly and when you will revisit this phase as a past, you will laugh it off as another experience of life. To tell you the truth, I have gone thru worse- what I took it is, just as these phases make you learn more about your own strengths and weakness. Take it easy- trust god and trust yourself. You are a nice girl and God will never let bad things happen to good people. Just keep put and keep me posted. Hugs! rajo replied. dear neelima,
i actually logged on to the board to post my problem but before that i clicked on to your message.even i am the only child to my parents and lost my mother 6 years ago.i can understand how it feels to see your parent suffering with illness especially when the parents look up to you for courage,hope and comfort. you need to be brave, show them that you are a tough girl and can take on sufferings head on. don't worry about you future, you are very young and you will difinitely find somebody who will love you and care for you.talk to your present fiance and find out why he feels that things have changed from his side. if he says that it is because of your recent behaviour explain to him that you have been going through a lot yourself and that things will improve for both of you soon.however , if he doesn't seem to be interested in you and is not willing to listen to you then let me tell you probably deserve someone better and you will find this person.all the best and believe in god and pray to him and he will help. ruchiraa replied. your situation is really very critical
neelima. u r just 25 and facing so much of problem. don't worry. if your fiance has told u that he is not happy with you then don't continue with the relation for atleast now donot tell your parents about this. totally concentrate on there health. and behave like as if u r their's son take responsbilities . face the situation bravely and i assure u , you will definetly come out as a winner. as far as marriage is concerned you are not that much old. try to make some friends . if required seek some help from your neighbours . start searching for a man of your choice from paper or any other sources. if you are not earning take a part time job or try to find out a job in a local school of your area , so that you will be near to your parents and can also take care them simultaneously. its depend on u how do u instill confidence in your parents about u . once they find a brave girl in you they will definetly join you will fight the battle with you
best of luck