Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hi,

I could have posted this in another forum but I have seen some good responses here and so I am putting my questions to you.

I am happily married with a 3 year old kid. My husband is a straitforward person from a traditional family. His sisters are all simple with traditional attitude.

I used to work before marriage in Mumbai and got to know someone in my office closely. We had sex but we knew that it was a short lived affair. I'll be honest and say that I was not thinking in the future at that time. I am not in touch with that person anymore and probably just about a close friend knew of that affair.

But since then, I have settled and realised that it was a very stupid thing to do. The trouble is that I am getting these thoughts of why I did that. I am feeling very restless and think that I have done a wrong thing by not disclosing that to my husband. He has told me that he does not like such girls and would not have thought of marrying a girl with such a background ever.

What should I do? I cant tell him because that would be just finishing my marriage. But I am trying to stop feeling guilty and forget it as a mistake. Can you please suggest of how I can stop these thoughts.

Looking for some proper responses - u can be critical but please also bear that I myself feel wrong about it now.

Aarti aarti replied. Thanks Nidhi, Advisor, Siesta and Vipin for your support. I thought everyone would tell me how nasty I had been. But like you guys said, I did not even think of marriage one day and having a baby. Now I dont think about that person and I am sure he must be happy wherever he is.

I'll make sure I give more attention and care to my hubby and baby. And not think about the past.

Thanks again. Nidhi replied. hi Arti,

past is past and after that u never met that person nor have any feelings for him rather u are happy in ur life. so dont feel duilt of what u did, thin about your family n not the past, think about ur kid n your hubby,as u r devoted to ur family. then y to feel guilt. jo hua hua... just forget bout it...
when ever ur past comes in your mind think about ur future, ur kid n anything u love the most, n gradually u will forget bout what had happened.
u were not wrong as that was one of the feelings that came in ur heart at that age, so just forget all that and enjoy ur life today...
take care
Advisor replied. Hi
I understand how you feel because I also have been in a similar situation.I used to feel so so guilty that one day it so happened things went bad and I told my hubby.After that it was devastating even though it happened before I even met or knew my husband.He said we cannot lead a normal married life anymore and my marriage was about to end.He said he is not going to touch me anymore and life was hell.I almost felt like killing myself.But slowly it got better even though when he gets very angry he still says that and it hurts me.But what has happened in the past happened and I feel guilty.
Remember things happen when you are young.God made us physically that way so don't feel so guilty.Best would be not to tell ur hubby(I am talking from my experience).Men often make mistakes too inspite of being married.
let the past remain the past and enjoy ur future.Why do u want to drag the past to spoil ur future.

siesta replied. after so many years, now u realsied yr mistake. I think u r free at home, thats why u going in flash-back of yr life. see future is more important, if u want to out from yr past, do something great for yr husband, so that u can satisfy yrself, and i m sure u will feel greater. kill yr past doing extra in yr hubby's baanefit. Vipin replied. Aarti,
Its gone!!! Done!!! Past. Don't linger on to it. NEVER tell this to your husband. Think it didn't happen at all.
'Maazi ko maazi rehne do use rok kar mat rakho' said Naseerudding Shah in the movie Ijaazat.
There is no need to feel guilty as this is the worst feeling in this world. Forget it. You can compensate it by loving your husband more than anything in this world. And there was nothing wrong in what you did when you did it. So many of us harbour thoughts of a sexual liaisaon with others but don't get the opportunity. You got it and you did it. That's it.
So don't worry be happy.
What do you say?