Hi Friends,
I am from june2005 board. I am a regular reader of the messages in this board as i also have a daughter who is 15 months now. I will now come to the problem for which i need your advice.

I am living in europe with my family and we dont have many friends here. I have a very close friend who also has a daughter who is same age as my daughter. I visit this friend of mine atleast 2-3 times a week. now the problem is that when the two kids a playing together my friend's daughter always snatches all the things from my daughters hands. be it a toy or even a piece of paper or my daughter's sippy cup or even her passifier. and she refuse to give anything to my daughter. it is as if she cannot stand to see anything in my daughter's hands. they have also come to a point of hurting each other in this fight. now what my daughter does is when the other girl cry for the thing in her hand she will give it to her without any protest (as if she knows she is going to get hurt if she doesnot give it). when my friend's daughter is in some other room my daughter will take some toy in her hand and as soon as she enters the room my daughter will run to her and give the toy to her. I feel very sad seeing this. I know it is all very common among children as i have a 5 yr old son as well and i have gone thru all this before. What i'm more sad about is my friend's attitude. She always tells that children should solve their problem among themselves and we should not interfere. but since my daughter is smaller than her daughter (not in age but in height and weight) when we let them handle it on their own my daughter is always loosing the battle. it is very sad for me to see her getting hurt always. As a mother i will not let my child \";always\"; snatch things from other child. I will atleast try to make her understand that it is not a good habit and she will not always get what she wants. Both the children are very smart and knows exactls what \";no\"; means.

What would you do in such a situation? my friend is a loving person who always cares for my daughter otherwise. I also like her daughter very much and we also babysit each others kids in emergencies. I don't have any ill feeling for her daughter as it is kid's nature to snatch and fight. what is bothering me is my friend's attitude because when my elder son takes something from her daughter she scolds him telling that he should not snatch things from others but ask for it and if she gives it then take it (which is ok with me). but when it come to her daughter and my daughter she has a complete different view. it is true that they are only 15 months but if atleast she told her daughter no a couple of times may be i would not have felt so much hurt.

what would you do in such a situation. i don't want to cut of the relationship with this friend as we as family is very close. How can i make her understand without hurting her that i am feeling hurt because of this.

Sorry for this long vent. What would you do if you are in such a situation. Hope to get some advice from you girls.

Thanks
SS ss replied. Thanky you girls for your valuable advice. As you said may be i sould just put my foot down and be my daughter's advocate when i know that she is getting hurt. next time when something like this happens i will try to make the little girl understand how she should share. may be this will give a hint to my friend about how i feel about this.
I will keep you updated on this.
Regards,
SS
PS:- Hethal, I had send you an email yesterday. don't know if you got it or not. Hetal replied. i face this practically everyday cz i and my friends babysit eachothers kids. its been 5months all this is going on with me, but somehow with gods grace n mutual understanding we have been able to solve this problem.i would love to share this further, if you feel free to mail me at hetalnagaraj at the rate yahoo dot com
this prob is recurring and it will happen everytime with almost all the kids/family you will meet..its upto you to then decide who has more priority in your life, your child or your friends. when you are alone in the country where there are few people to count on, and in need,,if you are a person like me, i would like to teach my kids to judge that. age does not matter, what matters is your child is able to understand the difference between when to share, whom to share and also to what extent to share his own stuffs..it all dpends on place, timing, age and ofcourse the type of the toy he is playing with.
wld love to hear from you,
have a nice time. Priya replied. Hi ss
I undersyand what you are going through it must hurt to see someone do that to your daughter. I think that firstly kids should would solve there own problems when they are a little older at this age they cannot solve the problem themselves we have to kindly say to them \" no you have to share\" in a nice tone. if your friend is ignoring this then she is not setting a good example for her daughter. you have to put your foot down it is ot right for your daughter to feel like she has to be scared this can cause negative effects on her. I think you should slowly limit your time with your friend and keep a close eye on your daughter when she is around this lirttle girl. also kindly step in and say to the little girlyou cannot do that you have to share\" !! these things do happen with kids as they are still young and also the only child is always possesive with there own toys but as parents we have to teach them to share.
Priya