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I AM KAVYA A 27 YR OLD .I HAD LOVE MARRIAGE AGAINST WISHES OF MY FAMILY AND I AM COMPLETELY CUT OFF FROM THEM .I AM MARRIED IN ORTHODOX SOUTH INDIAN FAMILY WHO ALSO WERE OPPOSED TO OUR WEDDING BUT BECAUSE OF MY HUSBAND' S WISHES THEY HAVE ACCEPTED .MY HUSBAND HAD PROMISED THEM I WOULD FOLLOW ALL THEIR CULTURE .SO NOW I DON' T HAVE ANY CHOICE BUT TO LISTEN TO THEM .I USED TO WEAR JEANS AND WESTERN OUTFITS BUT NOW I CAN WEAR ONLY SAREES. I HAD HIGHLIGHTED MY HAIR AND CUT IT FASHIONABLY IN BEAUTY PARLOUR .I HAVE THICK HAIR BELOW MY SHOULDER AND JUST ABOVE WAIST.BUT MY MIL STRICTLY OILS MY HAIR AND PLAITS IT .MY COLLEGUES IN OFFICE ARE SURPRISED WITH MY SUCH CHANGED LOOKS AND I FEEL EMBARASSED .

BUT NOW WORST THING THEY HAVE ORDERED ME IS THAT ON 25TH OF JAN THEY ARE GOINDG TO TAKE ME TO MADURAI AND GET ME TONSURED AND PIERCE MY NOSE WITH NOSE STUD THERE.

I AM SCARED AND MY HUSBAND HAS ORDERED ME TO OBEY HIS ELDERS.I DON' T KNOW WHAT TO DO .

I AM GOING TO BE TONSURED ON THE BANKS OF VAIGAI RIVER.

PLEASE SHARE YOUR EXP OR ADVICE Soma replied. Today only I have seen your post.I know I am late by an year almost but still want to response.
How did you manage dear ? Tonsuring & piercing ?
You know what almost similar thing happened with me.A few days before my marriage my in-laws pierced my left nostril.After 8 months of marriage my right nostril was also pierced.
I can understand the pain you had undergone...
Take care ,... bye Kavya replied. Today I was tonsured on the banks of vagai river in the morning.

On 24th we reached in our village in madurai .We reached in the afternoon and we washed and got fresh.

I was so nervous seeing so many people and I felt that everyone was staring at me and talking about me but as I am still not well versed with their language and could not understand anything.

In the evening all the ladies were sitting in the verandah and talking and laughing and were combing their daughters hair or oiling them .suddenly my mil came with a elderly lady who was my husbands aunty and I bend down and touched her feet and then my mil explained it to me that everybody had gathered for my tonsure ceremony and hearing that I felt more embarrased .

Then she told me to get ready as my nose would be pierced as the goldsmith would be coming .The aunty told me that she will comb my hair ,so I sat down in front of her .

She opened my oiled plait and spread my hair on my back by inserting her fingers inside then she bended my head and I think she was checking whether I had lice she searched my head for 5 mts then she asked the lady who was sitting besides us and oiling other lady to hand over the coconut oil .I wanted to tell her that I already had oil in my hair but she didn’t gave me chance .she oiled my hair heavily and then taking the comb put them in plait then she took a black ribbon and tied the plait with that ribbon.I felt so silly seeing my oily hair tied with ribbon but my mil told me that this was the style in village..

Then I was taken outside where the goldsmith was waiting and made to sit on the wooden plank kept in the middle. Everyone had gathered there and was looking at me ,I was feeling so embarrassed and nervous ,I sat with my head low down and then suddenly th goldsmith came and pierced my right side nose with hot iron and I screamed in pain and tried to get up but I was held down by my mil and three other ladies .I was in so mmuch pain then in the same way he pierced my left side and I started crying with pain .two small nose studs were placed on my nose.


In the night it was paining so much that in that pain I had almost forgotten about my head shave. My mil told me that I had to get up at 4.00am tomorrow for the ritualks before thr tonsure.

Next day I was woken by my mil at 3.50am and after toilet routine she told me to have wash my hair and have bath .
My mil washed my hair and then after drying them oiled and plaited it and made me ready and asked me to wear new saree.

We reached the river in the morning and time came for my tonsure.

I was crying slowly and my mil scolded me to keep quiet .
It was so embarrassing everyone had made a circle around the barber who was sharpening the razor. Then my mil made me sit down in the middle and there was discussion among the elders and barber which I later learnt was about how to tonsure me with or without opening my plait . I was so scared and feeling embarrassed that I don’t how to describe .

Then the barber came and sat in front of me and very crudely started to open my oiled plait my bending my head down . he opened the plait and kept the flowers and the pins down by my side then he took the bottle and poured the water from the bottle on my head

The water was so muddy and then with his he started roughly massaging my head . after thoroughly massaging my head he made two parts and and tied them in two knots .then he pushed my head roughly down and I was waited in that position for some time as he was preparing his razor ,then suddenly with one hand he pushed my head down and next moment he started shaving my head . I could not stop crying.

It was so embarrassing and humiliating with everyone watching and the barber was so crude and rough he would just bend my head in the position he desired if I was late in taking that position he would pull it roughly .

I was feeling the burning sensation as the razor was scraping the hair off my head.

He tonsured me and waited for my mil to say ok but I was horrified when my mil asked him to shave once more for smooth shave.

The second time was very painful and I was so feeling horrible.

When he was over my mil came and inspected my bald pate by moving her hand on it and then she told me to get up and touch the feet of all elders who were almost 25nos .

I was feeling so humiliated when everyone touched my bald pate to give ashirwad.

Then I was told to take dip in the river and after that my mil rubbed sandalwood paste on my head .

I saw my tonsured head when we came back and I stared crying .i am moving without scarf and I hope my mil allows me to wear scarf when I go to work.



Neetu replied. Kavya, I feel it is not right to do something for which you are not ready.May be you consider tonsure when you are ready for it.Try to make your husband understand why you are scared. But it is easy said than done, as it requires courage and bravity to say your opinion, that too among people, who might not get why you are not willing to do it.choice is yours. ramana replied. hi KAVYA,
If your husbend accepts for your head shave youcan doit happily.It shows ur ove and comitment towards ur husbend sunitha replied. hi kavya ,

even i am maade pierce nose after my maarriage by my mother in law.but they pierced my both nostrils , now i am wearing nose studs on both nostrils . wat about u its one side or both sides . Ram Singh replied. Dear Kavya
1. Love is mostly giving. If you really love your husband, obey his orders happily.
2. You are cut off from your parents' family. You must be lucky that you have been accepted by an orthodox south Indian family. Do not be reckless and throw that gift also out of the window. You cannot have everything in your life as per your wish only. Only God can have that.
3. It is one thing to just try out other ways of hairstyle etc. during youth. But when you have to settle down into a family life, that too with a spouse of your own choice, you must do as per his family requirements, not that of your colleagues' superficial comments. Tomorrow it will be your in-laws and husband who will stand by you and not your colleagues. So do not get embarassed by getting a tonsure and changing into orthodox style (braid, saree, nose stud and all). In fact, the trend is that many are seeing through the tentativeness of western superficiality and returning to the traditional beauty of our culture. You must be happy that you have entered a family which supports it.
4. A religious tonsure on the banks of a sacred river is extremely auspicious.
5. A tonsured lady looks very beautiful. She only looks different, that is all.

So, my dear Kavya, get rid of all doubts and get your head shaved happily. Make your m-i-l and husband happy and you also be happy. In fact I assure you that if you get it done with the right frame of mind and ignore the adverse comments of your so-called colleagues you would like to tonsure again after a few years.

So, wish you good luck and a happy Madurai tonsure.