Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hi everyone,
I am new to the board but see that you guys give some good honest advice. So here it goes! I had been in a relationship (approved by both sets of parents from day one) for a good 6 years. We were waiting for the wedding and such because we believed juggling med school and family would be difficult as we were in different schools far from each other. Well just as we were getting ready to settle into a stable financial and career situation somthing happened between the moms. I really don;t know what or why but the whole thing was called off. Because, after marriage we were abviously planning on moving my future in-laws to where ever we bought a home. Things got so bad between the adults that we had to just take up a mutual understanding to be seperated. Whats worse is that, we are still good friends and he tells me whats going on in his life. Well, he has found another girl for himself, (a relative set them up) and he thinks it will work.
My mind realises he has moved on and my heart feels happy for him but then again I feel crushed. I feel ugly, lost, and absilutely worthless. I tried to tell him that I can;t listen to you talk about this new girl but he says he needs my support. I want to be a supportive friend but the things he tells me about there dates and conversations brings back 6 years of memeories we shared. I fell so angry because it seems that he threw aways 6 years in just three months. Please help me put myself together again. My parents don;t help as they started the arguement and he doesn;t help because he feels that I am being too dramatic. What do I do? Swathy replied. I am sorry to hear ur story .. felt sad... I tooo faced similar problem in my life - like due to my parents I married to other person but still I am missing my BF ( Thou I have been married for 4 yrs and my hubby is tooo tooo goooddd ) . Now I am realising that I made a big mistake where I cnat revert it back. I am just cheating 3 members ( myself, My hubby and my BF ).

Thats the reason I am advising u that

1. Y cant u have a talk with ur friend whether he is compromising for his parents sake or really wan t to break ur relationship.
If he says , he goes with his parents wish, Ask him(both of u ) to convince ur parents and get married.
If not , u just try to forget. ( I Know very weelll I can say u just forget but its very hard to clean up ur memories ) U need to work out a lot for that .

All the Best Babe . Sweety replied. Thanks everyone for your help and understanding. Sometimes hearing from a third party what your hear has been telling you makes the greatest difference. I will definitly try cutting him out because hearing the same thing twice kind of makes me think that I shouldn't feel guilty or selfish for wanting happiness for myself. Thank you all once again! This is really an awesome message board, you guys rpobably don't know the extent your advices help people. sangini replied. Really i felt very sorry to hear about your situation and felt u r a strong girl too that u took such a strong step for your mothers sake, but u know what i feel ur mothers are being self-centered about their fight well old people say that these type of realtions are very few that go on for long time, and i think same has happened with you, well on your ex-fiance or ex-bf i feel he has moved on in his life and is taking your freinship and feelings for granted, its bad on his part to tell u about there conversations and dates, thats a complete NO, and tell me one thing is it possible to have healthy frienship with the person your shared some of the best and compassionate moments of life, well i think no some time down the line u might fall a prey and feel used, the realtion has ended in a very healthy manner and by both his wish and your wish stop it there, i don't know to what extent where you in physical relation that would effect too in the long run, instead of talking tohim and brooding and crying ...
Give ur self a break and don't talk too much to him he is being self-centered and what type of love is this that he forgot whta u shared for 6 long years just in tree months well i think then when he is moved on forward in life so you should also do the same and don't bee too much in touch with him and slowly slowly break the communication and carry on with your life the more you talk the more u will feeel lost and sometime later used, just think how he would feel if you told about a guy to him, i am sure he would got mad.. or may be he is cool to depands on the nature but the chances of first are more...

I think you are young there many guys go slow enjoy and there is long life a head may be if you keep talking to him and in the mean u get married u will never be able to give ur hubby ur full self that will hurt and him both so just stop this and START A FRESH ALL THE BEST
sv replied. Hi Sweety

I am sorry to hear about ur situation.

However, My suggestions and advice to you at this time are:

- Just let things fall in its place... just take a break from all this....

- He is not the only guy on earth... I do know that U love him etc... but unfortunately it did not work.. and he has moved on... so why don't U...

- be nice to him.... But try to avoid him.... just let him go away from ur life for sometime... until U r strong... and U can converse with him like how u would with a friend....

- Be strong.... and do keep confidence on urself... I thing everything happens for a reason....

- Sometimes when u r going thru a tough time... thats when u get to know the true colour of the guy who's with U.... now that U know what kind of a guy U were going to marry... be happy... coz he just moved on ... with no guilt, regrets... so why r u wasting ur time thinking of him when he has forgotten u and time u guys used to spend...

- Why does he want u to support him ???? my advice strongly to U... is avoid him for sometime.... tell him ur busy etc... and just remove him out of ur life... totally... and start new....

- In todays world nothing is over... or nothing is tooo late.... women have more opportunities today... so make the best of what life has given U.....

- Maybe god has planned someone who is much more better, loving and caring than this guy... so be patience.... and let life show u the way.....

All the best,... be happy coz life passes on soon and by the time u realise u have had no fun .. half ur life will be over..... so enjoy life... forget about this guy... he does not deserve U.....

I hope my advice and suggestions help U....