Relationships  Discussion Forum

hi,
my concerned is my sister in law.she stays seprately and i stay with my husband and father in law.i don,t have a mother in law.i am the younger one.whenever there is any family fuctions its always in my house and not in hers but thats ok with me.but she never even comes to help me.she comes like the other guests comes.i complanied to my fil about it.that she is elder and i need her help sometimes and he told me not once but many times that just take her as a stranger.treat her like one of the guest.i can understand him.he does not want any fights in the house but at the same time when she wants my mil jewlery to wear my fil don,t think once and gives her whatever she demands.few times she took even my jewelrey.so i asked my fil about it and he told me she is a daughter in law too.so both of u have a equal rights on this jewelery.so i don,t understand whats going on.when it comes to work or responsibilty he ask me to treat her like a guest but when it comes to good things she is a dil.how to deal with this sitution.my husband has no saying in this matter. di bh replied. hey your situation is very common. Try this method. when there is next function you can take help of organizers. nowadays even if there is a puja in the house there are cooks and pandits who organize everything if told and paid extra. When there is a get to together in your house next take some help from outside get a cook and sit back and relax.And tell your fil you cant manage on your own .its stressful thing. once or twice u do it he will himself ask your sil.As far as jewels you also ask your fil i need to wear the chain of mils . Once you ask he will tell either yes/ no then u react and tell him he gave to your sil.And also when your sil asks for jewels you also ask with her together. then he cannot say no.and as far as giving your jewels please do not do that. what if something is lost you cant even hold her responsible. she can easily give a slip telling she wasnt really concentrating as its not hers. Then u will be at loss. and also what will u do if she says oh i liked your necklace and i didnt have that type so i kept it .some people do do that.what can u say. if u tell your husband he can only say you shudnt have given.So you will be at loss. it may not happen but the probability is always there right.and jewels dont come for less amount. everything is expensive these days.so better be rude today than give and regret tomorrow.best of luck .right about your thoughts. Swathy replied. Hi Surya...
Ur case is far better than mine.

I am not sure all SILs are like this

a. sh ehas been married for 3 yrs .. Right from the first months she stays in my inlaws place.
b. As I am not staying there she uses my clothes and furniture (bed cot, cup board etc ) NOt suer abt Jewelry. Even when v visit there for 4 days also they wont leave our room . Thou her in laws house is in the same city
c. Its one way - All the gifts and things from us but no return( at least for my sons bday )

d. MIL always has to take care of her Kid ..but not mine thou i am working tooo
e. Mailing to his brother with complaints abt me.
f. No courtesy talk also ( like how r u etc) even if u visst once in 6 months.
g. on to p of this every 6 months getting money from my FIL and my Husband
h. When I was pregnant happened to stay in my inlaws house for a months time. That time I used to cook sometimes when my MIL was out of station. that time she never asked me that u need any help in cooking or any other work. ( I was on 8 th month pregnancy) Thats how ppl
will be .

You cant deal this situation with ur hubby or FIL ...
If u dont want her to wear ur jewelery u nicely ask her y she is taking ur jewelry so that next time she wont touch( if she is good ) . Dont be rude .. Be nice okay

Dont ever think that she 'll help u in kitchen or any household work. Better dont expect . If she will she 'll do .

I still used to be nice with her ( like not asking anything abt this ) and keep wishing and sending gifts for her bday and wedding day etc. I generally dont want to hurt SIL bcoz she is from that house and she shld not get hurted bcoz of me. I am not sure what is her thot abt me :-)

All the best !!!