Planning a Baby  Discussion Forum

We have a biological child (boy) who will turn 3 years in July. We have always wanted to have 2 children. But, because of some health problems I am facing I have been advised against it. So, we now wish to adopt a girl child.
Here I want to ask if it will be ok to have a biological child and one adopted. Wont it create any problems in the future. Anyone who has been through the same situation can you please give me your valuable suggestions.
What age of the child is best when adopted.
Please help me make a decision and dont reply with information about a child for adoption. That i will need after we take a decision in favour.
At present many people have told us that we may not be able to give the same love to both of them though we both disagree. also, people say that the children might feel that you are treating them in a certain way because s/he is adopted/biological and it would create a lot of unnecesary problems. I am sooo confused. I have always dreamt of being a mother to two children ..Please help me Anjali Viegas replied. I would like to start by saying I am an older Indian adoptee who was adopted in India. I went on to promote adoption in India and became a social worker. I helped to place children both in India and abroad and now I am currently working with an International agency in Canada and helping families adopt from India.

First of all I am grateful that my parents told me that I was special and chosen from day one. I am not embarassed or ashamed to say I am adopted. Infact I loved telling people espeically when I know they are uncomfortable. As children there is no difference and if those around you do not feel it is any different the child is content being either biological or adopted.

Just because adults have prejudices it does not mean every child has to be faced or informed of the same.

Do not ever think that by not telling the child you are safe protecting the child. Parenting is TRUST and a child will react if told later that she is adopted not because she is surprised but because the child thinks that you are embarassed or ashamed. Let me tell you all my friends who are adopted too know they look different from their parents so no amount of hiding is going to help the situation.

If you are ready to love a child selflessly then opt to adopt. If you are worried what society thinks then you are always going to face some objection and criticism. I guess it all depends on you and your husband and your desire to have a child. Please do not think you are doing a child a favour as the child is content were it is as it is none the wiser. xyz replied. I will definitly share the information with you. Actually I found some links to websites here. But they are all from US. Do you live in US or Canada. Let me know.
xyz replied. Hi RR,

I too have a 3 year old son. Physically I am fine and can have kids. But I don't want to. I always had a dream of adopting a baby. Now that I have experienced the motherhood, I want to adopt a baby girl from India. And my husband is fine with my decisoins. If you get any information, can you please specify the links here.

THough people did not react well to this. But I am confident I want to do this. Anybody has any information please post the link here.

Thanks Nila replied. hi
Hi
its up to u if u can give ur adopted kid as much as love u give to ur own kid.And she should be accepted by ur family members also.its wise to keep it as a secret from her & from ur boy that she is not ur child (for a certain age.)Truth will definitely hurt her but she will have the maturity to accept it and she will love you more.ur chid also cannot forget that relationship since they grew up together as brother and sister.(think if u were in his position)otherwise ur kid might not like her thinking she is not a part of his family.he might not like to share his things and ur love with her.Or if u can make them understand in a young age that is good.but u should always careful while dealing with them.dont allow them to keep anything in mind and allow to grow it.talk to them.solve the problem.if ur son can love her as his own sister no problem will arise.in some cases elder child does not like the younger one in early ages of his/her life thinking he will loose his parents love because of the new one.but as time passes he will love him/her like a big brother.

i think its better adopt a child of age below 6 months.for u i think this is the right time as ur son is also very young.so he will accept her soon.
Adoption is a serious descision u have to make.once u did it u shouldnt regret for it.mostly no problems will come.but if there is u have the courage to face it. u should have the confidence to solve it .it all depend on u & ur kids.i hope any problem can be solved so easily if the bond between u and ur kids are strong.make them understand how important they are in each other's life.
Adoption is a wonderfulthing .u should be so proud to take such a descision.
I think a child psychologist can give you valuable advice on this matter.