Planning a Baby  Discussion Forum

Dearest Archie,

I was wondering if you think it would be appropriate for me to try and conceive again? My husband has left the decision up to me to make. My counsellor is against it but I think differently. I just can not bring myself to see my doctor because the hospital where Ishani was delivered believes the knot formed early on & that Ishani's death could have been prevented had my doctor paid more attention. Ishani hiccuped several times a day for only a few mins, she almost never moved on the last few weeks, I had an u/s to see the problem & she had gone from being in the 50th percentile to well below the 5th. The doctor at the hospital says that these are classic syptoms of cord compression & the u/s results should have been investigated further. It is no ones fault but I think we all should have been better informed. It has almost been 4 months since Ishani's silent birth and I wondered if you thought it would be ok if we tried again soon. I can't thank you enough for all your help these past months Archie, you're a doll! Thanks in advance for your advice. Take care

Love kate K.Radha replied. Hi Archie,

I went to the doctor friday. I saw my friends ob/gyn who is treating her pregnancy, she asked if he could squeeze me in and he had an opening. He didn't suggest I go for a u/s but gave me a pelvic floor exam & pap-smear. I'm still waiting on the results of the p/s but I am assuming that will be ok as I had one done in jan with good results. He has said everything is in order and has gone back into place since the pregnancy. There is a little more toning I could do with my pelvic floor muscles but they are at a point where he would expect them 4 months after a pregnancy and has suggested I just keep up with my kegals as normal. Otherwise he is confidant that I ready to conceive again physically. Aside from the usual advice of folate & avoiding anything unhealthy he's recommended I seek some kind of counselling in my pregnancy which I am receiving anyway. Oh and I spoke with him about what happened with Ishani and he also feels that it might not be a problem again but we should have the cord checked espec after week 26 along with a kick chart. I think that is about it Archie, I really value your opinion which is why I am asking you when I can have a child. Thanks again Archie, for everything

Love Kate archie replied. Dear Kate,
Let me know following things from you:
Do you want to change OB? Personally I think you should. Even the hospital if you have that option. Why I am saying this is because I want you not to remember Ishani's demise when you carry absolutely new life. I have said it several time, new life will have his/her own existence and meaning. It would not be to replace Ishani. Therefore you may want to think on this point and I think you can do this now rationally.

Also just to be on safer side also want to get your pelvic ultrasound once before you get on ttc part. This to confirm everything is perfect and healthy to harbor new life.

I also want you to check your weight, I remember you lost a huge amounts right after Ishani's death. I want you to tell the difference between that, before you conceived Ishani and today. This is going to help me judge your emotional status. I hope you have cut down on your extra work out at gym, which you had after Ishani's departure.

This is not I usually ask but let me know your current diet plan.

As I get these comments back from you will help judging your situation.

Having given birth to healthy babies and just had lost Ishani should assure fertility part and we are not judging that, but what we need to judge is this, there should be no rush and you should be physically and emotionally ready to handle new pregnancy. Needless to mention how pregnancy takes toll on emotion, at least to you.

I would be happy to assist you further.

may have told but try not to remember so much ridiculous mistakes made by professionals, these are all if's and but's the truth is you lost precious and uncontable wealth in the form of Ishani, no one can replace or reimburse that. Regardless of other if's and but's you will have to carry this truth throughout life with you and family.

let me know your comments.

Archie