Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hi ,I started reading this messegeboard just recently.I am hoping that you will help me.problem is that my confidence level is very low,I'm not confident enought to go out alone.I'm beautiful,educated(msc)have a 17months old son,loving husband(MILproblem is there as usual.difficult,dominating inlaws).we have been to USlast 3months.I don't have any frind here and one more problem is there I can't speak fluent english(my husband dosen't think so).so I avoid project parties.I am ok with this nature of mine but when I think about my son I feel very bad,I think that I'm ruining his childhood.I can't take him to some activity centre.I'm very scared of going outside alone.please help me friends.I deserve a happy life,but don't know how to improve my confidence.somebody help me please. anonymous replied. I too was like you when I got married. Even though I was a s/w Engg, I was from a small town married to a man from IIT. Initially his parents and sister would talk as if they belong to some high class. That made me even more scared of talking and expressing my opinions. I always felt ppl will make fun of me so used to be in shadow of my hubby. But he was very encouraging . Asked me to speak in English with him and used to correct my grammar when I was wrong.
Today after 6 years of marriage I am a very confident person . I work for a top MNC ..has more friends than my hubby. There are many ppl who think I am smart woman and want to talk to me! When I go out I take the first step to go and talk or ask for what I want.
So My suggesstion
1) start speaking english at home.
2) You do the speaking when you go for shopping or dinner . Ask for what you want. Nobody is going to judge you there.
3) Watch News /sports or browse the hot topics on net and start discussing this with friends .. So you have something to talk about.

Finally there will be times when you feel out of place ..May be some parties where some top guys and their wives are attending .. Thats perfectly ok ..We all are not some born socialites.
So next time when you are out with ur hubby .. Keep ur chin up and ask for what you want ..may be a shop or a restaurant or some icecream parlour.

Let us know how it goes.
divya replied. i aslo stay in US,which part of india r u from ??i have a 8months baby girl,
hope we can be friends. i came here 5 months back
shayna replied. Cheer up, I have to agree with Dia you have written in english so well.
I think your problem is only confidence.
Why don't you try something.Say try going to collect your post first.And when you meet someone ,ask him/her \";how are you doing?\";......now the catch is they might or might not respond depending on how they are,you have to understand that ths is nothing personal they are just like that.
Certainly go to project parties,your baby will get some friends and you can become friendly with their parents ........Do you drive?????

If not learn how to do that.Believe me I am just like you,but I got fed up of me being in the shadows of my husband,and also wanted to make my hubby happy for his efforts in encouraging me.
When you go out for dinner or lunch go ahead and exchange pleasantries and ask for a table for three.Include your hubby I am sure he will be only too happy to let you take the lead.
Take it in your stride let it be baby steps,and don't be hard on yourself.Pat yourself for every step you take.
Everything can be learned.But also remember that there will always be some people who will be rude or spiteful but they are some people who love hurting people and will always remain like that.All the best.
krita replied. Try talking with your husband first in house in english.it's b'coz u don't hav practice.than slowly start making conversation with others begin with small sentence.eventually you get confidence.i studied in non english mediam , was extermly shy about my situation..but now i worked in so many companys in USA. Dia replied. u say u r not fluent in english..but u have written very well on this post...and remember practise makes perfect.

So my advice get out there and mingel. Don't let language hold u back. Make friends..and they will help you.

People understand that english is not u'r first language..but u r making an effert..so don't worry too much. If someone makes fun of u or tries to embarres u..just remember that person is an insentive moron..and not worth u'r time!!!!

All the best...and put u'r chin up and go out there!!!! All will be fine