Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hi, I seem to be in a very bizarre situation in my life. I don' t know if anyone else has faced this or not.
About me, I am 29 years old (running 30) and financially well placed and secure. Looks wise I am much above average and have had my share of attention from the fairer sex. Apologies if it sounds boastful.

Now to the problem. I am a single child and have conveyed to my parents my intention to marry and settle down since the last 2 years. My parents are very orthodox and can never accept a girl from another community. Keeping this in mind, their old age and my duties as a single son, I had declined very good proposal from an office colleague who was also my MBA classmate (so we knew each other pretty well), only because she was from a different sub-caste (but same religion, community & region). The girl I declined was very good and loved me a lot (so did I). I only did this for my parents' happiness and not to give them (so-called) pain in this old age. The girl got married a few months back, but we both miss each other all the time. I know I took a harsh decision, & am the cause of her tears today. But we need to move ahead :-(

My parents know this and like any caring parent you would expect them to look for a good alliance for my marriage. However, here it is not so. My parents are not making a single effort for my marriage. I get tonnes of requests from matrimonial sites, but none of them suiting me. Even if I get one good match out of 100, then my parents do not follow it up properly and it goes waste. So much so, that my father is reluctant to even talk to the girl' s family properly on phone. They are completely slack in handling this issue. They keep procrastinating day in day out. The other day I received a very good alliance from my community, but was rejected by my parents as they belonged to our neighboring state (in north India). When I protested, I was angrily put down by alleging that marring against parents' wishes is my sole intention in life.

I keep repeating that had I wanted to marry myself, I would' ve done it long back. But I wanted them to be happy and perform their duties as a parent (as every parent would wish to).
I am afraid I am nearing 30 and my options will go on reducing with each passing day. Till today I have not met a single alliance. This coupled with my parents' laid back attitude will make matters only worse. The other day my dad confessed that he wont go to friends & relatives and beg them to marry their son. In fact, all i asked him was what was he doing/planning for searching for alliances. Days & weeks pass and my parents don' t even utter the \" M\" word at home, let alone any future planning.
People might suggest taking matters into own hands & talking to girls myself. However, this too will require parents' intervention at later stages when marriage needs to be discussed.

I am very frustrated and have literally started hating my parents. I need emotional support & all I get are angry rejections and silly remarks such as \" we can see you are not able to hold yourself, you are going mad day by day\" .
All I intend is to settle down at right time and plan for my future. Is it wrong to think so ? All my friends are well settled and happy in life. Everyone who meets me wonders \" how can a guy like you stay bachelor for so long, which girl would say no to you ?\" . My personal & professional life is in complete shambles because of this. Please, how do I change my parents' attitude ?

Thanks for going through the long text. Really appreciate it. sudha replied. one thing u can do is live without ur parents. it is the best option to do. it will give u the freedom u want and get marry the girl u always wanted.