Relationships  Discussion Forum

I am a software engg by profession and completed my B.Tech and MBA from 2 of the most reputed institutes of India. I am placed at a very reputed MNC and earn a decent income. My parents are educated and my father retired from a very reputed educational institute and now working with a pvt college.I am the elder of 2 sisters.

I was married to my husband in 2003 this was an arranged marriage and my first proposal. My husband is also well educated and holds a good posn at a reputed company.Problems started infact before marriage wherein my father was subject to a lot of harassment for petty marriage arrangement related issues.

During the marriage ceremony, whatever jewellery I received from my in laws family, was kept aside and never shown to me. Within 1 month of marriage my husband demanded money from me on grounds like painting of his fathers house, his brothers education, cousins treatment etc. This was primarily due to the fact that he had spent all his earnings on the house he purchased for his parents. Needless to say, I had to spend a huge part of my salary in running the house and establishing a home.

In spite of providing a very sound financial help and sharing all financial responsibilities, I am always a subject of harassment at home. My inlaws keep criticizing me for not able to fulfill their demands. I take care of all domestic chores by myself. My daughter (4yrs) is always told by her grandparents that her mother is not capable of taking care of her.

I and my parents had always gone out of our way to please my inlaws by giving them enormous gifts and having healthy conversations.They in turn misbehaved saying we give them old stuffs as gifts, we take them out for outings to humiliate them etc.

I' ve tried explaining several times to my husband that he needs to talk to his parents about their behavior towards me and my family but my words fall on deaf ears. He has provided full support to his parents in this abuse and mental torture going on for 9 years with me.I am currently expecting my 2nd child and the abuse is now also physical.

I seek your help in providing me guidance to deal with the situation and what steps I can take towards my inlaws. Gitu replied. As Neha states no one can make up your mind for you. However look at the facts

you are educated and can earn your own money you are now expecting a second child. If you leave him you and your children will be free from the abuse. Yes you children are also being abused mentaly with your mother in law making such comments to a young child. Forget yourself for a moment. What sort of a man will allow his mother to treat his child like that does he not care about the effect it will have on his child?
Now moving on to you ...why did your parents give ' gifts\" ? The definition of a gift is something you give to someone because you want to not something someone demands from you. That is illegal. You have a case for dowry and you need to exercise your legal rights. That way you will get back what you gave to them,

Now i know this is harsh but it is time to humiliate your husband and inlaws. Are they so poor they cannot afford to purchase things for themselves and provide for their own families education.

When a Hindu girl gets married the parents partake in a ceremony called Kaniya daan. This is the highest gift you can give someone. you parents gave them you . They inturn took an oath to love, honour and protect you. They did not keep their end of the bargin.

No type of abuse if worth it. neha replied. Sweetheart it will be you who will have to decide wat u want to do... i wud suggest just end this relationship because c ur educated n i m sure well mannered. you can take care of urself and ur baby so just finish it off..