Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hi, first i want to appologize for my incorrect english, please do read and suggest. I got married 1.5 years ago, will give a slightly a brief background about my marriage and the problem which ' m facing now. I' m a family oriented person. I want always people around me whether be in office or @ home, but I do like sitting alone sometimes meaning min of 2 hrs a day. I was working abroad and got this proposal. I was looking for a girl who will gel with all family members and relatives. At the time of first meeting itself I asked her is ok if I opt to live with my parents after marriage she accepted and said this is why I love you cos u r much carrying your family. I have another issue in my family meaning my sister' s was a love marriage, during my initial conversation I told her that I was suppose to be a bachelor social worker (which was true), since my sister has got love marriage I want to give atleast some peace to my parents because of which only I have opted for a marriage (but i dont think I can survie like a bachelor.... that i came to know once I got married). Then our family mutually agreed and got married 2 years ago and blessed with baby boy now he is 8 months old. All went well when I was working in abroad till she got deliver her mom and mom was coming and taking care of her. As discussed with my wife earlier I opted for native town transfer (this time not only for my parents it is also a part of my financial planning to avoid paying rent which is waste of money when you have own house and at the same time I have booked another house as well. so thought living together will help to save some money to pay the EMI). My life has got a complete U turn from then, the day when I said my transfer got approved that is it.... she started yelling, crying, quarrelling saying that she cannot live with elder people, she want to live alone she cannot adjust etc.... but I tried convenincing her saying we can easily adjust to the setup. but she never stopped and I also cannot roll back because i have accepted the offer. now it is almost 3 months (+1.5 months the time taken to shift) not even a single day she slept without crying or yelling for one or the other reason, sometimes I try to consoul her but at time I loose my patience as I have enough work pressure as well. Now I cannot to move out of my own house which will create a very bad impact in my parents and at the same time I' m not able leave her crying or to tolerate my wife' s complaint. Here I just want to inform that I' m not saying there is no mis understanding happen between my parents and with my wife (which we cannot avoid because in a even if we stay alone/together with friends we will have situation where in we will have some sor of misunderstanding or do some activity which will irritate others). I was keep on telling her it will take some time to her adjust with the situation and the same is applicable for my parents as well. Whenever I get chance ' m talking to my parents on which they can avoid talking or doing infront of wife saying which may have a negative impact. But day by day it is increasing and she is saying she would have done something if she is not having the baby. Please friends please suggest me something how to react to this situation... really ' m not able to handle this cos in office we are having hell lot of pressure when ' m bac min of 3-4hrs ' m listening only complaints and endup in quarrel. Not able to sleep.... which is already reduced to 4-5 hrs. Or please suggest me whether me and my wife has to go for any counselling if so please suggest me any good counsellor in chennai(prfbly malayali....cos wife cannot speak tamil fluently like me cos I have settledown in chennai more than 3 generation)
Komal replied. I' ve the same situation like ur wife. I also dont like to live with my inlaws. In my inlaws house there are fil, mil, bil and sil. My husband is elder son and one of my sil is married and others are unmarried. I' ve no issue with my bil because most of the time he lives outside of home. But the other family members cant be tolerated. My mil is just caring by nature so i just forget her other behaviour and also she is dominated by my fil throughout the life. So now she has no aspectation from life. Here starts my story. Everybody want that i just live like my mil. Here in delhi i' ve all my relative like brother, sister, aunt , cousine etc. But i' m not allowed to go there even in some party and function. Even for any work i' m not allowed to go outside lonely. My work is only to make food for themself and take care which i dont take because now i' ve no regards for them. My fil is doing nothing except talking on fone with their married daughter, grand daughter and relatives. He live whole of the day in home and either talk on fone or view tv. So i also cant view tv. Whole of the day i confined in my room. My married sil is very cunning and after her marriage she create situations and her father supports him to live separate from her inlaws. And now she is living happily with his husband and daughter without any connection with inlaws. And if any of inlaw come into her home she remove them very cleverly. But when it come to my term my fil warned me that he will call my father and brother and told them that i dont want to adjust with them which is partially true. But my family is very simple and it is difficult for them to digest their daughter problem because i never mention my problem with them. My younger sil is also very rude. She always stare me as witch and never get courage to meet my eyes with her. This situation is very frustating for me. Recently i did ivf and docter has told me not to take stress but my fil only giving me a lot of stress. My husband support me but he is not ready to leave their family because he is embaded with so much loans and he loves his family very much. So now i' m very worried. Please suggest me what to do.