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Joint Family:Dressing attitude of my daughter in Law

2011-11-14

Name: Mitali Ganguly My son got married 8 year ago and in general we are quite open minded. My daughter in law is too modern though and she wears very high thigh length shorts. I never used to intervene but now my grandson has become 7 years old and its bit too much for him to see his mom like this.
I went and told her that she should be wearing at least a knee length jeans if not a jeans, she just fired back at me. Her justification was that ther kid might even stare at me and I need to correct my dressing and behaviour. According to her my way of wearin saree is vulgar and considering my age ( I am 54) I should get rid of the blouses I wear and also stop changing / bathing in front of the kid. I went completely speechless and had no answer. Should I really work on and improve my dressing and habits?

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My son got married 8 year ago and in general we are quite open minded. My daughter in law is too modern though and she wears very high thigh length shorts. I never used to intervene but now my grandson has become 7 years old and its bit too much for him to see his mom like this.
I went and told her that she should be wearing at least a knee length jeans if not a jeans, she just fired back at me. Her justification was that ther kid might even stare at me and I need to correct my dressing and behaviour. According to her my way of wearin saree is vulgar and considering my age ( I am 54) I should get rid of the blouses I wear and also stop changing / bathing in front of the kid. I went completely speechless and had no answer. Should I really work on and improve my dressing and habits? Gitu replied. Your daughter in law has the right to wear what she wants as do you. But plz do not bath and change infront of the child that is wrong!!!!! Tara replied. You should each wear what you want to wear and makes you feel lovely. Your grandson might be getting to old to be bathing in front of. It is best to not comment on another woman' s clothing choice if you are to get along with her. suhana replied. my daughter in law is very modern.. c is not bothered about any1 except for herself... c has a son bt c is least bothered abt him.. c goes for over nights, parties etc.. wat should i do to make her realize that family should be her 1st priority Sanju replied. I wish I had a mom in law like you!..my mom in law gets jealous when my hubby gets me a saree once in a year!. d replied. ok...nt bein orthodox ..wear anything or nthng in yur room...fr dil or mil wen u r n drawing room ..we shud never frget our indian values .. mitali replied. thanks r replied. hi mitali ..
i feel u r not liking anybody who is nt suporting ur view ..pity ..
btw whcih part of india u live??if u have justifiaction fr ur actions ...everyone will have ..
and whats ur querry is pretty ambigous..just read the last line ..thne in clear lines ..yes u need to work on ur dressing sense bfr u point finger at others again i will say if u dont like say it i dont like dont bring ur grandchild saying what will he think etc ..we too wear shorts in front of our children.they dont bother to look and stare they too matured and too occupied with their daily stuff,guess its old people like u who bother such trivial matters ..
enjoy the phase before ur DIL snaps back again !!!

r replied. mrs.ganguly
1st thing what do u want to hear from a forum like this ...my query u bathe in front of a 7 yr old kid ..r u pervert???bfr u coment on others look in front of the mirror plz..ponder if this ws ur own daughter could u say her the same..if she able to carry out such clothes fien why do u smirk!!u dont like u say so why bring in teh child saying dont wear it in front of her etc..
true she is if he asks why is dida showing her tummy to all how will u feel ...so think well now

2013-03-03

Name: Gitu
Subject:

yes

Your daughter in law has the right to wear what she wants as do you. But plz do not bath and change infront of the child that is wrong!!!!!

2013-01-02

Name: Tara
Subject:

Reply to dressing attitude of daughter in law

You should each wear what you want to wear and makes you feel lovely. Your grandson might be getting to old to be bathing in front of. It is best to not comment on another woman' s clothing choice if you are to get along with her.

2012-11-21

Name: suhana
Subject:

modern DIL

my daughter in law is very modern.. c is not bothered about any1 except for herself... c has a son bt c is least bothered abt him.. c goes for over nights, parties etc.. wat should i do to make her realize that family should be her 1st priority

2012-11-21

Name: mitali
Subject:

hi suhana

sadly we cant do much because this is the new lifestyle and we should accept this and maybe follow it

2012-02-16

Name: Sanju
Subject:

Wish

I wish I had a mom in law like you!..my mom in law gets jealous when my hubby gets me a saree once in a year!.

2011-11-21

Name: d
Subject:

ok...nt bein orthodox ..wear anything or nthng in yur room...fr dil or mil wen u r n drawing room ..we shud never frget our indian values ..

2011-11-21

Name: mitali
Subject:

thanks

2011-11-18

Name: r
Subject:

jeans...

hi mitali ..
i feel u r not liking anybody who is nt suporting ur view ..pity ..
btw whcih part of india u live??if u have justifiaction fr ur actions ...everyone will have ..
and whats ur querry is pretty ambigous..just read the last line ..thne in clear lines ..yes u need to work on ur dressing sense bfr u point finger at others again i will say if u dont like say it i dont like dont bring ur grandchild saying what will he think etc ..we too wear shorts in front of our children.they dont bother to look and stare they too matured and too occupied with their daily stuff,guess its old people like u who bother such trivial matters ..
enjoy the phase before ur DIL snaps back again !!!

2011-11-16

Name: r
Subject:

jeans...

mrs.ganguly
1st thing what do u want to hear from a forum like this ...my query u bathe in front of a 7 yr old kid ..r u pervert???bfr u coment on others look in front of the mirror plz..ponder if this ws ur own daughter could u say her the same..if she able to carry out such clothes fien why do u smirk!!u dont like u say so why bring in teh child saying dont wear it in front of her etc..
true she is if he asks why is dida showing her tummy to all how will u feel ...so think well now

2013-01-02

#10

Name: Ami
Subject:

Pervert

I agree with Mrs.Ganguli.changing cloth or bathing is not pervert in our indian custom. I am 39 yrs old, may be my views are bit old fashioned or outdated for now a generation. My mom used to change her cloths(upper part of body, not totally naked) in front of my teenage brother. I remember objecting it..but she kept saying he is my baby, he has drank milk from it..now I understand what she meant since I have a son now.Please don´ t give a name of pervert for changing cloth in front of child. I agree now onwards she shouldn´ t take bath in front of that boy.
About dressing attitude abt her daughter in law , I believe she didn´ t say anything wrong, if her dil didn´ t like it, than let it be..she shouldn´ t have replied back to her. she should have told her in nice manner, not to interfeare in her life style. OR told he thow her son politely.Mrs.Ganguli is worried about the image of that child will carry about his mom by modernized dressing, that´ s understandable.
Advice for Mrs.Ganguli: Madam stay away from giving her advice about her dress. you teach your grandson whaever you think he will grow with good sanskar, that´ s all you can do.Most dil´ s including me don´ t trust in mil´ s in indian society.Trust, jealosy , generation gap, attitude everything matters in maintaining relationship.Most of cases it´ s very difficult both siders to let go attitude, since mil is not your mother and dil is not your daughter.

2011-11-18

#11

Name: mitali
Subject:

thanks for your response & in being so judgemental

My daughter in law feels that I should not change in front of the kid and i completely agree. Bathing part was just a justification which she gives me and that might not be entirely true. The way you are visualizing things, commenting and the judging them might be inappropriate and mostly governed by the way i would have described things earlier. The thing is in this part of india, its not so much of an issue if a mother or a grandmother changes in front of kids in the family, so that would have sounded tabboo to you. Well cant do much abt that. Anyways what i seek from this forum is clear in the question and its entirely a subjective thing and i cant really change wat people think abt this. Question remains the same and please refrain urself from using such pesronal comments in a public forum. Will appreciate genuine answer or no answer at all.

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