Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hi,
I am confused and unhappy with my parents indifferent behaviour between me and my brother. I always feel, Parents are the one who can feel their child' s pain, when it is need of them, they will be there, but right from the beginning even before wedding, they were never there for me. Currently, i am expecting with my second baby and my first baby is very young, 15 months old baby only. My Parents never bothered to help us out despite of asking them as me and my hubby works and had to leave my 4.5 months baby in Day Care as i was not in a state to take break from work. They were not bothered about my first pregnancy state and now with the second pregnancy with such young child, they are not bothered about my health. They say, they have to look after my 10 yr old nephew who stays with them entire day and mom prepare food for my brother' s family and feed them, though they live separately almost 2 miles away. They say that child is very young to be away from home or to send him to day care or even tuition center which is just in the next lane of their layout. Diplomatically they say, we should tell them about my health and how things are going on, when in this current pregnancy almost for 5 months i had severe nausea and was just not able to eat and lost of weight too and didnt have any domestic servant almost for 2 months and me and my hubby were doing it and we told them that i am not feeling well, they came with my nephew and did literally nothing and we were preparing food and serving them and taking care of them then i was thinking, can any parent behave like this, i am the youngest child of my parents among 4 siblings. Though they stay in different city which takes only 8 hrs train journey despite of that they left us like that. I was literally praying god to keep things properly as my doc told me to take rest and not take stand for long and not take strain but i had to no choice, but to go on. There were times, when they come for a day to vacation but had to go via my city and literally did nothing when me n my hubby both were not well only and we were preparing food and serving them, they stay in the room only like hotel, once food gets served then only they come out otherwise they get ready and go out to roam aound.
Dad - Mom expect me to call up everyday and tell them that how we are doing. I am shocked to know that they doesnt bothered to know how difficult it is to go on with single day also. They said, post baby birth they will come and stay for 10 days.
I feel the one who love will always care atleast show that gratitude or concern, coz even neighbourhood or strangers were asking me not to clean up home at this state and asking me to take rest. I feel so bad abt my parents behaviour. Whenever i call them, i never tell them abt my health i always say, im perfectly fine.
I felt like sharing my agony as i feel this is the best state for women when she carry baby.

Regards,
Katyayini Neeraja V replied. Katyayini,

I am so sorry that you are going through this. I feel your pain as I have same problem. They did during my pregnancy almost everyday and everytime. Indian parents have this problem of differentiating between girl and boy. I finally gave up fighting with them and I told to myself that They will never change and I better let go this relationship because this is what they choose. I maintain very diplomatic relationship with them and with my brother' s family as they don' t care about me. I dont care about me. Unbelivable thing is after arranged marriage, the guy and family they choose I have to face this problem. Currently your situation is worse than mine as You can' t think anything like me. During pregnancy it' s hard to let go a relationship especially parents. But think like this you, the baby in your tummy, your husband and your older child is more important than your parents. Think like that. It' s easy to say but hard to accept it. But strighten your priorities and stick to them. Remeber any relationship should be two sided. It can' t last if it' s one sided. Don' t Feel good about your pregnancy and your older child. Enjoy those moments and stop worrying about household chores. They are always will be there forever. But your child will grow too fast before ever you can realize. Take care..and feel better.