Relationships  Discussion Forum

Iam new to this site.iam seeing all daughter in laws suffering because of their mother in laws.but take time to listen my life.
iam a retired school teacher.me and my husband worked hard and our son is a respctable officer in a good company.we have enough to take care of our lives andwe dont need anything from them except their love.we live in just couple of hours driving distance.
my son is married and kids are 4 and 2 years old.whenever we go to visit them my daughter in law keep busy herself and just dont have time to talk with me.if i say i will feed the kids or give them a bath she says.i will take care of kids stuff you please dont disturb their routine.she doesent allow me even to tell them stories in the afternoon because it is their nap time and in the evening they will go to misic clasees and out to pay.
she has her own play group and goes to gym and lots of other workd when we are visiting them.
my son is so busy in his ofice work.even if he takes time to sit and talk with me she will call him and say please help me out in this and that.
so it will be just a 2 day visit in a month and my husband gets bored too.
whenever they come to our hose i really like to cook for them but they sit in front of tv and dosent set the kids out of their cartoon programs.if my son comes to talk with me she comes witin a few minutes and take him out of there.
i was a daughter in law before.i want to give all my love to my daughter in law which i dint recieve from my mother in law.but she is just not co operating with me.even if i try talking with her she just chances the topic and just not freely moving with me.i dont want to coplain all these to in son or my husband and create isuues.what should i do. dil replied. hi aunty!
I suffer from my mil taking advantage of his love towards her.But i still respect! but she always feels insecure someday i'll drag her son.Obviously i do it some day if she keeps affecting our life, right!?
I'm very sad i dont have mil like u who doesnt talk to her son reg his wife.Really its appreciable!!!

And pl dont try to talk to him but try to convey this to ur DIL that u'll not interfere but want her to be just exact like u.and telll her that u give freedom to express her views if she has any problem with u.

I am not sure 'bout this idea..but send some mail to her personal id...'bout how u miss her..and how u love her,. and dont mention u r upset.somehow make sure it'll not be dramatic.
Dont bkeep any cc or bcc to ur son. just let it be personal within both of u...for some bad DILs it might look like 'drama' and over action' but, if she is understanding and not mean she shd be fine with it.

Thanks aunty for letting us know diff angle. best of luck and may god bless her with a good mind to understand u well. desi replied. hi,
i don,t want to disappoint u cause u r of my mothers age.its not a problem with the mil or dil.its about genration.this genration does not like any kind if intefernce from there inlaws in there life.whether its for there own good.but i am sure she must be very happy when her parents come to her house or she goes to there house.so the conclusion is the problem is your son not your daugther in law.she must be happy for her parents so your son has to make her understand that when my parents come or we go to there house u have to do the same thing how i treat your parents.this is a world of tit for tat.banu this is not a world for innnocent mother like u.if u want love and respect from your daughter in law.u have to make your son aware of this stitution.and if he is not interseted then u should leave them alone.i know it won,t be easy for u cause i am a mother too.its easy to say then done but its a part of life.i would die to have a mother in law like u.cause i never had a chance to enjoy mother in laws love or company.she passed away before i got married.so don,t let your dil treat u like that.talk to your son,its ok your intentions r not bad.u don,t want them to fight but u have to talk to the right person.all the best. DIL replied. Hi Mrs.Banu,
Nice to know that MIL's(Mother In Laws) like you really exist..
Is your daugher In Law working?.Then May be she is just tired ... but that does not give her the excuse to not freely move with you..May be she is feeling insecure about her husband..At young age all women want to have their husbands fully under their control?!whether it be their mother in laws or sister in laws...I am a young woman too and I know it is totally not fair but it is human nature...Maybe she knows that your son (her husband) has great love for you and respect you and she is somewhat intimidated by it...but still that does not mean that she has to avoid you and not let her kids mingle with you...
I have a mother In Law and my own mother is also a mother in law now and from my own understanding and analysis ..I can suggst you this...
The only way to make a daughter in law surrender to you is 'Praise her always'...Even in front of your son if she sees you praise her and keep her high she will softern towards you and try to befriend you..Just appreciate her (in her presence & to her knowledge)about how well she does her work and how much you are proud of her and how lucky you are to get her(even though they are not true..!..)..I think this is one of the best ways to even get more closer to your son...(guys like it when someone praises their wives)..
So try this Mrs.Banu...Hope this helps..this is just my small share of thoughts on this...But believe me after reading your query I feel more respect for my MIL than before.(touch wood she was never a big problem.....)
Have fun with your Grand kids.
I am really glad to know you.Thanks