Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hi, I am a working woman married for the last 11 months.I am living with my laws from the beginning.My MIL constantly criticizes me about household chores, says mean things like you are dumb,you dont know how to run a house etc.when i complain to my DH,he also agrees with them.but the truth is, i havent given much attention to those things before and i am still learning.but, i keep making mistakes because i am under emotional stress all the time and she again says something and criticises me.it becomes a vicious cycle.
also, when i am doing something in the kitchen,my MIL is always watching and commenting on what i am doing which makes me feel uncomfortable.
on several occassions,my in-laws and DH have got together and said mean things .i feel betrayed when my DH also supports them.
my MIL tries to have an opinion in everything and very controlling.
as both me and my DH have long working hours we are not able to spend much time together also, because of which we are not able to build relationship.
because of all this, i dont feel that i am married and have started a new life. i jut feel i am a kid staying in somebody else' s home.and dont feel the house is mine.

i am very confused. i dont feel that i will ever have a fulfilling family life.should i ask my DH to stay seperate from his parents.i feel very suicidal sometimes.please advise.
nish replied. hello everyone! i' m 26 and first time user on this site and would like some advice please..
i have been married for nearly 3 years (love marriage) i love my husband very much but his parents and sister are recently really upsetting me. i used to get along with them but now as i sit here all i can think about is how angry i am and why... sil never helps with anything (i am only 2 months older then her) she works mon-fri and comes home late evryday,( which i knw is none of my business) but when i go out with my friends (which is hardly) i get questions after questions from mil. when she is at home she gets her blanket and sits in front of tv ALL day, she has never used the hoover in this house. she has already told me many times this house doesn' t feel like hers since i' ve moved in, she is well educated, but speaks to me like she owns me! i dnt like arguing and wen i do i am the worlds moodiest person. i used to get along with mil but lately even she is quite rude. ALWAYS telling me what to do.. she still tells me how to look after my husband. recently had an op so not working, when i wake up there is a message on the answer machine every morning telling me what to do around the house and what to make for dinner.. my husband is the most wonderful person i knw, hates arguing and is soft with evryone and i knw that if i bring up the conversation about moving out he will not want to hear it.all of our friends have moved out with their spouses and DH has said that if we move, his parents move with us.. i have never spoken about my feelings to anyone, we have mutual friends and i can never tell my parents.. all i wana do is move out and i' m sure my relationship will be better with inlaws. very depressed ' ( Sudha replied. I think we all experience these things in ur life...my case was the same as urs...My inlaws would interfer with each and everything we do..My MIL would stand in the kitchen and will be giving criticizing..One good thing i did was i didnt open my mouth to my husband and as i was working in shifts, he starting longing for me..this changed a lot...DONT never leave ur job..Try and plan for a kid...it worked for me..Now my husband at least understands what i am going thru..and u will be soo busy with ur kid that u will not have time to think about those devils..All the very best.. mylife replied. Dear Arpita We all experience these difficulties in life but the common thing between u and me is that our husbands do not have the sentiments button switched on for us or it was switched off by insecure inlaws. Try to establish your relationship with your hubby. You are young and can do it. Show him how independent you are. Make things he likes. Last but not the least make him yearn for you in bed. If his tummy is full he wont give a damn to you. As far as your in laws are concerned don' t give a damn. Never say anything to them in front of your hubby...that way u r the nicer one. Let them bark like dogs. If you can relocate for a better opportunity grab it. Have your husband move with you to another state or country. Never quit working. Be confident and do whatever you like. Try to bring up their faults in front of your hubby (but carefully not to offend)...Ask your Father in-law' s preference in food..cook that and make ur MIL jealous.

But if that all doesn' t work quit before you have a child that doesn' t let you. It is a curse to have possessive-about-myson inlaws. Deal or quit. Talk to your parents and get their opinion.

Suicide is not for you. Take a look at your inlaws and ask are they worth you. Plus you die they' ll get another one. Why make your own parents suffer. Take care and best of luck I know its hard. YOu can be too. sm replied. Never never ask your husband to get seperated. Try to find time obn weekends for him. Make sure you both are going out for Dinner sometime. OR a make a habit of walking after dinner. This will help u spending time with ur husband. U can share your day' s experience at that time. Make him feel so good at that time... he also enjoy spending more time with u. If want to get seperated, talk smartly, don' t say directlyt that i don' t want to live with ur parents. He will never listen to u . After all , they are his parents!!!! You will also not hear any ill-words for your parents from him. Try to put urself at his place. Make the bond betwenn u and ur husband ' very strong' . Don' t care for anybody else even if they are parents. Do respect them, do whatever they say, but don' t ignore ur self interests becoz its the time of bonding.
All the Best.... paro replied. hi,
just tell ur mil that she can guide u instead of making a comment. and tELL her also that u don' t like it when she makes such a harsh comments.
talk to ur husband and tell him that he shouldn' t insult u in front of his in-laws, how would he feel if u do the same in front of ur parents. don' t take any kind of abusive behaviour from ur husband and inlaws. u guys r still newly wed and enjoy.
raise ur voice and say in friendly manner. i know it is hard in the beganing but if things wont work talk to ur parents and all of u should sit togather and solve this matter.
NEVER THINK ABOUT SUICIDE. U ONLY GET ONE LIFE AND DONT WASTE IT FOR PEOPLE WHO DONT CARE ABOUT U.
TAKE CARE. Neeraja replied. Arpita, It' s quite common during first few years of married life if you live with in-laws. But your husband can' t treat you that way you are describing. I would never accept it. You are smart working lady, you should raise your voice against it. You better discuss this with your husband and stay out of your in-laws house to work on your relationship. It' s very important to have a supportive husband. You in-laws can be very bad but if your husband is bad to you, not loving and caring your feeling it' s hard to be in that relationship. I would suggest to talk to him regarding this, if he is not serious about this situation then tell him that be serious, you are working and you never get in to trouble outside, how is it happening at home. Ask him to support you. If it' s not working then you can think about other alternative. If he is sensible and loving person, he should understand you. Good luck. Hope you feel better. Please don' t think about suicide. This whole situation is not worth of your life. You are matured person. Act and give that impression to your husband & your in-laws. Show that kinda of attitude that being working women you are still trying to help at home and putting and effort to work on things. Hope you feel better and things will work for you.