Relationships  Discussion Forum

dear Rita,
you must be remembering me as you have written to me earlier about my BIL staying with us.yes,now he is married and is staying with us.i really dont know what are his plans and when he will seek for an independent accomodation.he had started living with us just after 4 months of our marriage and yes,as you said,everything is free for him.no rent,no need to spend on servants,no grocery,no bills to pay nothing.is it right?my hubby says being elder he has responsibilities.he says he cannot be happy by forcing his brother into difficulties(BIL earns lesser than my hubby).i also understand that he cannot ask his brother to move out.neither can i.
i am trying to adjust thinking that my son and husband are happy as they love him,and money....it is not everything.the girl is good to me now.let us see what the future holds for us...
kk replied. hi
your BIL is absolutely selfish and exploiting your husbands soft nature. if he is not willing to share anything then why did he got married? there is no harm in politely asking to share atlest some part for their expenses. Tell them that your husand too needs to save for the future of your son. Sreya replied. Dear Rita,

I read your last story and gave a deep thought. I really empathize with you and I do understand your dilemma.
You are indeed in a great trouble. You will have to act like mature individuals.
As per me , it would be helpful to you if all your family members ( means your husband, your BIL,your BIL' s wife and yourself) sit together and distribute the monthly expenses be it groceries, bills , food bills, rent etc…..
Ask them to contribute towards monthly expenses even if it is a small amount as minimal as 2000 per month (incase they cannot bear half of the expenses) so that they feel that staying at your place is not a free cake.
Tell them that your expenses are increasing and you need to save for some investments and save for your son also……. It’s practical since prices are increasing day by day. Education prices are increasing and tomorrow in case your son wants to pursue an expensive course , you wouldn’t like to say no to him just because you fed your BIL & his wife all your life. Please make your husband understand this!
Even if your BIL is not earning as good as your husband still whatever he earns, he should contribute towards household expense also. As an elder brother, ask your husband to make your BIL understand that he has to contribute towards household expense and simultaneously save also since he will be having a family in future also. ask them that what are their future plans and I they plan to stay with you , tell them clearly that you would need to shift to a bigger place and they have to contribute to half of the rent ( this may give them a hint that they have to pay rent & they may move out of your place). After you hold your discussion, call your in-laws and let them know that you spoke to your BIL & his wife and what was the correct intention behind this ( so that your BIL doesn’t distort the facts while conveying them the talks).
Discuss with your husband beforehand, from your post it looks like your husband understands and agrees to the problem but cannot take any step so why don’t you initiate the discussion and all 4 of you sit and plan the expenses.
Make sure that you choose your words carefully while speaking to your BIL and his wife so that they do not feel insulted and later on complain to your in laws.
I serious hope that my suggestion is of some help to you.
All the best and God Bless!

With best wishes,Sreya