Relationships  Discussion Forum

Name: Confused

Hi,

This is the first time I visited this site and came across the message board. Actually since this is a parenting site, I never expected such a wide array of topics. It was the joint families that caught my attention.

Let me first introduce myself to you all. As expected, I am a IT professional working for a reputed company. Well educated and traveled. It just four of us in my family. My parents, a younger sister and me. My family means the world to me. Being from a middle class family, I have seen the hardships my parents have undergone to give me and my sister a good education and life. There has never been any distinction between me or my sister. In fact being the youngest, she is the most pampered one. She is doing her MBBS. The usual middle class values are the one that I am very proud of. But the world has taught me to be more diplomatic, the usual traits of the IT world. Even though I pretend to be a very strong person and people vouch for it but I am very emotional at heart. A normal next door guy. But at the same time am pretty egoistic and protective towards my family.

Now back to the point. I read a couple of the messages in the joint family sites and they have scared me a lot. I respect women, have always done and will always do. Out of all the posts that I read, everyone seemed to have a problem with the joint family, the interfering in-laws, and husband’s harsh attitudes and so on. Reading all the posts I got just one feeling \" It’s just the money that the world cares about.\"

I am 28 and my parents have started the search for the \" perfect one\" for me and now the difficult part. They have asked me \" Beta, What kind of girl do you want to marry to?\" . I am on bench these days. So stared going through some relationship sites just to understand what does getting married and having a family actually mean. And the reality is very scary. Women being physically abused... Married just for money… troublesome in-laws and the list goes on.

Even though I have been working for the past four years, my parents have never asked me for a penny. In fact they oppose even the expensive gifts that I generally buy for them. My father is very serious about the savings. He just suggests me and shares his experiences. But it’s me who has his final say every time. He doesn' t even know my bank balance.

Now my marriage part, I expect my wife to take care of my parents. Its not that her parents are not welcome. I sincerely hope to replicate it but I know there would be a lot of issues such as ego, traditions etc. I am looking for the following in my would be wife.
1. Educated: This is the most important thing to me.
2. Good family background.
3. Not working (Housewife): My parents are no monsters. Money is the last thing they would expect from their daughter-in-law but they do expect the love and respect. I see working women around me. Life for them is pretty difficult. Managing home and career is next to impossible. So I have gone for a housewife. And to be very true to you all, I am scared of working wife. I am not sure how I would be able to handle her success. Scenarios such as my wife making wore money them me. I am pretty egoistic. I do not want rivalry with my wife.I know many of you would think that I am the some freak who leaves in the 15th century... Women are no less than men and so on... I want to be happy in life. I am not a millionaire but even then money is not the priority number 1 for me. I believe in being self-made man. None of my family members were in IT or anywhere close to this field but I managed to pull myself through and doing pretty well. I wish my wife to have time for family.

Whatever I have written above is my actual feelings. It might be some of you would be cursing me after reading all these but the fact is \" I am what I am\" and I just want to be happy.


I have never had any affair or the girlfriend kind of status because I did not want to get into something that I could not commit and fulfill. So I would like to know the following from some unknown people (Anonymous feedbacks as we call it)
1. Am I normal? My feelings, way of thinking?
2. From a women' s perspective, how good or bad am I?
3. Am I over demanding?
4. Last but the most important one \" What do women look for in their husbands?\"

Looking for some comments that would be useful to me.

Thanks and adv.

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