Relationships  Discussion Forum

i want to write about a joint family relations going sour... i was brought up in a joint family and recently my grandmother (age 95) passed away. before she died she was hospitalised for about 1 month. this one month made me think about how much \" together\" we all are together, and what i found broke me down completely...
the story started out in 1952. when my grandfatehr passed away and my grandmother had to look after the family business (when women rarely went out of the house) she brought up her kids. 2 boys and 2 girls also adopted a boy who had come down from lahore (pakistan) after his family was killed during the riots after the partition.
later on my uncle looked after the shop and my father started his own business. my other uncle (the adopted son) also started his own business and both my aunts were happily married. we all kids (10 in all - 2 girls and 8 boys) grew up spending all vacations (15th april to 5th june) together and were always very close...
but suddenly everything started falling apart. we weere a typical middle class family and when our father' s businesses started doing well, we all started getting away from each other - bit by bit. but lately we hardly contact each other at all. when we came together for the funeral, all of us felt as if we were strangers sitting together. there was so much fuss about who spent how much for her treatment that it made me sick. where did my family go away?
i strongly feel that we should be together again. especially now that grandma - the one who held the family together - is no more. if she can see us now, she must be crying... for her sake i must try and bring everyone together... can you tell me how i can do it... Shiela replied. I understand what you are feeling. It is sad but if you feel strongly to bring atleast some aspects of your earlier lives back, you certainly can. No point in looking at the past. If you are feeling like this, I am sure there are others (amongst the 10 of you) who feel the same. Take the first step and call one of your cousin or if possible, visit them. It is not going to happen overnight and it might take more than one visit or call to break the ice. You might even run into some who don' t want to connect - then move on to the next person. Remember we change as we get older and we might not agree on issues but that doesn' t define a person as bad or good. Don' t be judgemental. You will definitely find someone on the same thinking as you. Mention how you feel about how nice it was that you were all close when you were young. Relationships are usually taken for granted and sometimes we forget to work on it a little bit. A thoughtful card, a small gift are all wonderful things can make a huge statement.
I suggest you take the first step. Whatever you encounter atleast you would be happy to know that you tried and I am sure your grandma would be too. Maybe the others are afraid to take that one step.
Now that you all saw each other at the funeral, it could be a starting point for a conversation.
Good luck in your quest. I am sure you will find atleast one person whom you will connect.