Relationships  Discussion Forum

hey,
Pl help me decide whether I should let them come and stay with us once again?

three months back my Mil and Fil were staying for more than a year (Ever since fil had paralysis). He had a heart surgery done and despite me telling him to get the check ups done, he stopped his medication and ended up with paralysis. Mil says that I should have told them that if he stops the medicines he will have dangers etc. I mean throwing the blame on me for his situation.

Our is a love marriage........ but ever since we were married, mil said that her younger son is not settled and so its our responsibility to settle him and sent him to stay with us in the very first year of our marriage. We gave him a lot of opportunities but he was never serious. mil said get him married, we did so. without a mode of income he became father of a kid and even now he is struggling to settle.

My sil conceived after 18 yrs of her marriage after i took her to the docs and delivered a baby boy..... they wanted us to bear the expenses and take care of her post delivery..... which i refused after hearing the coversation between my mil and sil as to how they think bout me.
I was quite clear in saying that I am not able to satisfy them despite my efforts and let me live my life now.mil put all blames and all possible harsh words on me,
so, mil and fil had shifted to bil and brought sil for delivery. sil was not comfortable because of the facilities etc.... rather compared to what we have at our place and went to her in laws.

Now, mil is playing all the possible dramas to come back to my place.my hubby is mamma' s boy. he knows everything whats going on......... and he stopped conversing with sil when she said that I was torturing mil and sil when they were here.

I am a working woman with 1.6 yrs son. I have maid at home who takes care of my son.

two days back, fil had fits attack as they again stopped medicines and taking some stupid local medicine (so called ayurvedic). she made a good use of that situation and sobbed to the core and my hubby said ....... we will go back and all.

they are one huge set of hippocrats where i am not able to jel with my straigh forward attitude. I had a lot of expectations from my love marriage. most of it is gone to god knows where. we are married for 4 years now.

we had taken a large accommodation as we were not getting privacy for our marital life when mil and fil came to stay after his illness. i truly wanted to have them with us but after knowing their natures, i can hardly withstand their presence.

i feel like moving out with my son if they come here. i know its a wrong step but can someone tell me how should i tolerate their hipporatic behaviour for the entire day as i have started working from home.

pl help me decide as i hardly have any time.

i had suggested my hubby that we need not leave them rather, we will share the rent for a better accommodation, take the expenses of the maid servant and anyway we are sponsoring their medicines etc. so financial burden will not be there on bil and anyway fil is getting pension for their personal expense other than what we are providing but let them be at bil' s place.

hubby says that bil is not responsible enough and they are not getting on well with his attitude. so he will bring then here and i will have to break my head cause anyway he will go out in the morning and come back at night.

i had to give up my career for my son and started the business which my hubby is taking care and i am helping him from home.

sorry guys, i must have jumbled the sequence of the information but i am in such a state of mind where i am not getting sleep even at this time(2.30AM)

i feel i should not have married at all. No love life, and all dirty situations in life. Namita replied. lohe ko loha hi katta hai

now as u said ur husband will get them at ur place ... i think with this there are very less options avaiable with u ... the one option is to b stubborn abt. not getting them bt i dnt prefer u to take this option as it alwasy creates rift bet. we couple and IL' s take advantage of that

the 2nd option is, if u there is still time for them to come then show ur husband as if u r nt keeping vl ... having heaache, giddiness whtever then b4 few days of there coming at ur place request ur husband tht whether his parents can stay with bil for few days as u r nt keeping well .. . u vl feel bad if u wont b a ble to tke care of them

age ka age dekha jayega ... i m suggesting u this bcoz i can understn how pain it is to b with such people sonu1 replied. Hey Moonarty

sorry to hear about ur dilema...i feel for you. I guess its the story of a dil that not matter how much u do it is never enough and u are always the bad one at the end.
I had the same experience so now i do the minimum and talk less to that way i dont get hurt.
My dh also wants his parents to come and stay with us (me and them dont get on as they have done alot of things and talked about me and my family that i cant forget)
All dh' s turn a blind eye and its us dil that have to put up with it all...My dh will never speak up so when they do come to stay it will be 3 against me which will be tough but i guess i have to deal with it...i also have a son of 18 and half months and am 7 months pregnant...in 7 months they haven ever asked how i am or the baby is but they ask the son just to look good infront of him...They will also try to control our house when they come but i am gonig to put my foot down as its my house and things will be done my way. It will be a tough battle for me but i have to stand up.
I think SK is right...you have to play smart which i know is hard when we are not like them but if u cant beat them u have to join them. infront of ur dh do what pleases him and then when he is not there u do as u plesae...play the games ur mil plays....but alwasy show authority to her that it is ur house as once u let go then forever she will take over.
you have done alot for them by supporting ur bil and sil and they dont appreciate it. As long as you know u have done nothing wrong dont worry about what others say. Be strong and good luck. Keep us posted SK replied. Relax dear.husbands are always inclined towards their parents,so donot blame your husband & your marraige.Understand his position & feelings.I can understand that you must be really hurt after knowing how your mom-in-law feels for you even after you have done so much.My suggestion would be to play smart,without hurting anyone' s feeling.If your husnabd really insists then you will have to get your in-laws at your place.Do so but keep a maid for their service & keep your communicaton with them to minimum (try to convey with your expressions & behaviour that you are offended & do not want to talk to them).Remember, its your house & you are the lady of the house so you are the boss & they cant do anything without your permission.Also, while your in-laws are at your place ,I would suggest you to join back your office(since you mentioned that you have a maid to look after your kid), this way you will have minimum interaction with your in-laws.remember the whole motive of my suggestion is how you keep your husband happy by allowing your in-laws at your home & how you yourself is fine by having minimum interaction withthem.be smart & cunning.let me know how it goes. Srey replied. Sounds like you are stressed out. How come everyone on your hubby side, wants you to take care of them?? Don' t your MIL have some other children that she can go too?

Seeing that your husband wants his parents to stay with you, the only smart way to do is keep yourself busy and try your best to avoid them. Stay in your office, tell them...that whatever it is they want, go ask the maid or wait until you are done with your work.