Planning a Baby  Discussion Forum

i m 27 yrs and have been married for 5 years and celebrating our wedding day next month. But i dont feel happy to celebrate wedding days, birthdays etc. Reason is nothing but a fear that i m becoming older. I have stopped talking to my in laws and relatives as whenever i see them, there only question is about my fertilty. I have stopped calling my friends and relatives also. Friends try to impress me my giving the phone to their own kids to sing a song for auntyor talk to aunty etc which is really irritating. Now i feel isolated and depressed.
Sometimes i feel that my hubby would have been happy if he has married someone else. He is very supportive and now he has also kept distance with his parents and relatives for me. I know he is also depressed, among his friends circle he is the only one without a child. We have been a nice couple all these years with good understanding and trust. But now i feel, high time he should look for another girl ( bcoz i feel i spoiling his life and happiness).
We are not financially wealthy to try many ivf' s etc, but doc adviced us for ivf AND I KNOW THE SUCCESS rate is just 50(bilateral tubal block).
Sometimes we even get angry with god. Throughout our lifetime we haven' t even hurt anyone or cheat a human being for living. We have tried beyond ourselfs to help someone.And y god is so hard on us? Y cant we be like the others happy with kids. There are soo many unfortunate kids left on the road and orphanage by parents.If god can give them y not us?
pored out all my depression. But still no answer!
Ladies let me know how you are handing the situation and relatives????????

mandeep replied. sorry love the shop which gave medicine to my parents for me was shut down a while ago, best will be if u search for baba ramdevs in web u will find all sort of information. that the only info i can give Mandeep replied. Sorry for not replying earlier.
regarding weight: when i was undergoing treatment i was told by my dr. that time that if i manage to lose 5 kg that will be great, plus i was working also that time that was 12 hours 7 days i iuse to be streesed , exhausted , and emotionaly drained so there was too much going in my life.
i went through clomid for start with metformine and dr. gave maximum cycles which can be offerd and on last i managed to concive twins. my bad luck i never knew i was carrying until i miscarried one,then went to get my Pergnancy hormones check when they found there can be another one, u can imagine my life for 10 days every 2nd day i have to go for blood test then eventualy when nothing was sorting out i went through laprascopy n there they found embryo in my right fallapion tube so they have to take FT out to save my life. this was in 2004 May then, earlier on my dr. used her brain n put my name for IVF waiting list. for IVF as there was 18 months waiting list (In UK all these treatment r covered my NHS and offered free to childless couples) then in middle of 2005 june or july i started my first round of IVF everything was going well when at last scan they found i only have 3 eggs n they need 5, so not to waste those 3 eggs on the spot decission was made to be inseminasation. then u can imagine 15 days of praying in front of god but still unluck i started bleeing on 15 day. by this time my hormones were everywhere tear never use to dry from my life. after going through IVF i use to have very discomfort feeling in my tummy to went to my GP n he thought i might have peptic ulcer. he gave me tablets for that n also took my blood to confirm which came negtive, but i was still asked to eat my tablets, which reacted to be so badly that i was off food, vomtting,that medicines wrost reaction was i bleed for one month,temperature every evening,loss of memory, have no idea where i was basically i was a lifeless but still working 12/7. after one week of eating tablets i use my brian n stopped it honestly i saved my life otherwise i dont know wot would have happen.To get that reaction out of my body i turn myself to pommigranate juice n cranberry juice, reduce to shops hours to 6 hours daily instead to 12 n start closing at week ends n use to walk to my shop u can say about 1 hour walk everyday. and with in 2 months then i lost 15 kg from 95 i was 80, thought of adoption also , then in between my parents send me baba ramdev medicine, i was not sure to start that course but as i was so scared of medicines but cos of my mum as she told that ayurvedic medicine never harm anyone i thought i should give try and u know the result. still half way through baba' s medicine i had letter from hospital for my 2nd round of IVF which i was scared to my death to go through but will miracle do happen the month i was going to start my nasal spray after my periods that never happend as god has answered my mum' s prayers i would like to say.
at end i will only say don' t stress your self,calm down i know its easy for me to write but stress do no good to u when u go through any sort of fertility treatment plus if it has to happen it will happen if not today then tommorow.
all the best UK and lots of baby dust.
sorry for being so long i started and realise i just wrote the whole book. UK replied. After embrio transfer can we climb stairs? as my house is on the first floor. Plz let me know if i can travel? My home and hospital is 25 kg apart so i will have to travel for 1 hr30 mins so will it affect by IVF any way? uk replied. I underwent 2 failed IUI' S then they found out that my tubes are blocked and i have fibroids.
Due to all these medical stress i was gaining weight all these years. When i married i was 75kg and now i weigh 85. During my iui i was in bed rest and due to lack of metabolism i became 85kg. Due to the expectation each month something good will happen i was with great care not to take risk. But broken down when i get my periods.
PLZ let me know if weight affect fertility. Is my weight ideal to try? as my friends tell me i can conceive only if i go down.... MK replied. i would like to share something with you since you feel very depressed... whatever problem we are into it now for all these we are not responsible... its a medical condition as like all other medical condition like typhoid or any heart problems.. the important aspect is that since it involves the generation of ours it becomes very very sensitive and moreover we cannot share it to anyone... even to our parents.. i always console my husband whenever he feels bad(rarely this occurs as he is very strong and practical) that this is a medical condition which could have happened to anyone .. iwould say, if the problem is with me will you leave me... i will not let anyone to talk about us and we never shared things to anyone even to his parents.. i would convince him by saying its good that we both did not get into trouble atleast im spared so we can hope for something someday.. we both are never bothered about what others say.. they are no way involved into our life... if at all we have kid are they going to help us in bringing the kid or will they take up any responsibility for any of our problem. never.. they only know to ask questions... or think the other way that they are very much bothered about us and feel for our goodness:) its how we make up our mind.. if we are strong no one can disturb us.. i know its very difficult but we need to do something for our happines na.. hw long can we go on crying... there should be a stop for eveything na... you are blessed with a very good and undrstanding husband just feel happy for it.. there are lots of women who undergo turmoils coz of this issue from there husbands and inlaws... so cheer up.. someday something good will definitely happen.. hope for the best... uk replied. monica, plz think again about adoption, try something else. i m NOT soo broad minded like you and Bcoz i feel you would be more attached to someone with your own .When you are old you see the child as the a gift of your love.
Ladies, i m feeling guilty about my husband. I feel i m greedy to keep him with me and spoil his life. If i really love him i should also think of his happiness. And ofcourse how long to i hide from relatives. I m person with loads of ego and this situation is making me soo depressed.
i would heartly pray for all of you ladies, no better call you as sisters.


uk replied. My husband was sooo happy during our marriage. Very easy go lucky and cracks jokes and we used to hold gettogethers and have fun. Now no more of all that, i know that we ourselves have become jokes for others, y fun arround.
uk replied. HARD TO ACCEPT REALITY
I was gifted with all happiness all these years. Good family nice friends strong education The best husband who is very supportive. I know that he would' nt LIVE without me. But i feel guilty that i m spoiling his life. He loves kids soo much and on his off days plays with our neighbours kids. When i see him soo happy with someone elses kids, i feel what use am i for. I m just living like a stone, no use for my family. My mom is a popular participant in all marriages and functions. She doesn' t miss any becoz she loves to meet relatives. But now she refuses to go to my mama' s sons marriage. Reason is nothing but me. I would be the hot topic there and my MOM has to answer all that. OH MY GOD ARE U HEARING THIS..
UK replied. Thank u all for your kindness and advice. But now i know that we have to accept reality. Whenever i pray, i pray for all and hope god doesn' t give this situation to anyother girl like us. dr says that fifteen in hundred couples are facing infertility issues. My mom says it becoz of the modern life style and polution.
mandeep replied. Never ever loss hope it will have one day. I had PCOS. and had my first baby at the age of 32 and 1/2 after 8 years of trying and after going through all the fertility treatment available in the world which all failed and when it happend it happened naturaly with only one FB tube as one of mine was damaged when i had ecotopic pregnancy and recently i know someone who had baby at 40 after 20 years of marriage, so 27 year is still good age.I dont know what your infertility reason but i was not producing eggs cos of pcos and baba ramdevs ayurvedic medi which is a 3 month course work wonder for me n end of 3rd month i was pregnant.I f u dont mind then go n see veds in baba ramdevs clinic which i think r all over india n tell them your problem n i am sure they can give medicine to treat your problem. hope this is any help. MK replied. very sad to hear you.. and im feeling bad that there is a solid increase in the number of people joining this forum.. i really did not like this.. why is god doing this.. why is he making people to suffer soooooooo much that tooo in a very very sensitive matter of life. i think nw i can tell you my story.. we were twins.. my twin sis got married few months befor me and she became pregnant in 3 months time.. nw she has a kid.. and i really feel very happy for her.. i used to have him in my hands always.. whenever i visit her.. i never felt bad.. when i take that kid and go out everyone use to ask me is this ur kid i would simply say no this is my sis kid and the immediete response as you all should know u dont have a kid.. i would just say no not yet.... i never felt bad for answering people ... but the most difficult situation was when everyone were praying for me to have a kid.. my sister got pregnant again.. this happened when she was never planned for it.. and really she does not want to have that kid... you know wat.. i was there when she did her urine test.. that two beautiful lines just appeared in front of me... she went for an abortion... i was there with her when she took the scan i visualised the small living sack lively inside the scan room..... my heart really beat very fast..... i was there with her when she was admitted for aborting.. as my mom was looking after my sis kid.. so i was htere in the hospital... my mom was crying not to abort and to give that unborn kid to me after delivery.. you know when that small lively sac was being killed i was............. totally torn into pieces.... i dont have words to explain my feelings and i was uncontrolable then... but later i realised the practical things and just going on with my life hoping someday something good will happen..... i never feel bad when others ask me.. no one can help us only we need to help ourselves... so dont feel toooo bad... dont think to give your heart to some other girl .. you will not be able to bear it.. you both sit and decide about what can be done.... all the very best Monica replied. Hi Uk.

I feel at few points We are sailing in same Boat. I am also feeling the same way. The only diffrence between u and me is I am elder then you, and have tried IVF too, which failed. Its really frustrating at times. and feel like dng something to myself. But i tell you this is not the solution. My keep on telling me or counsel myself that Be Strong, Dnt let your emotions to carried you away from the situation, This is reality and you have to accept it, Look at the people who r even in worst condition then ours. once u think on dat line, u will get Strength. I dnt have 2nd chance of IVF due to medical reason. We have decided to adopt a child and give a good life to that child. Try keeping yourself busy somewhere. or divert your mind. finding a another gal for your Hubby is not the solution. at such times you sud be support for each other. Finding a another gal for himself is your Thought or its Your Husband thought. How is his behaviour towards you.

regards,

Monica