Relationships  Discussion Forum

Dear KR, Read your post well.As I said my MIL is even worst.A BIG POLITICIAN.I live in a joint family and do all the household chores along with my office.She doesnt let us keep a maid for too long always picks up fight with them and they leave.Iam left with no help at the same time I have to look after my kid too.I drop him at a creche nearby bcos she cannot look after my kid even for 5 minutes.My SIL(Jethani)and her family also lives in the same house she too is working gets back home at 4.30pm but does not budge at all.My MIL is scared of her and would not dare to say anything to her.On top of it she expects me to cook for her kitty parties too just imagine my position and why I work is to be out of the hell so that atlaest I can breathe.My husband is well aware of the situation but he is not one of the revolting types.He would say Woh log apne karm kharab kar rahen hain we shoulnt do so.....think about this problem that is why I said you are lucky. neha replied. Learn to say NO! in life. Don' t and never keep high expectations from your hubby and esp MIL. They have heart only for there own blood. No matter how much u do for her, she will nver appreciate. So why on the earth u wanna waste time on her. Am not saying be arrogant like your SIL. Be nice and easy and say sorry mum i can' t help u out this time and give ur hubby a good reason for ur excuse. Be calm with hubby always.

DIL' s have 2 choices...if u want to be a good (bholi bhali)DIL then get depressed, stress, and all sort of problems on ur head and suffer it whole life. the other choice is, if u want to Live ur Life then speak up for your right. Dd replied. I completely agree with ritika & gg.
you have to somehow find courage to say no. see however hard u try & do everything u can not please everyone.
I was in similar situation for long & it effected me mentally a lot. i mean my gynec is saying i am not able to become pregnant just bcs of this nature. so slowly my dh understood & we separated & now i am under treatment to come out of the stress acumulated in my life since few months.

i mean i was very positive & lively person before but trying to do everything & to please everyone i aended up spoiling myself. i had become like for days i will not have time to even read newspapers and either one of us will be tired always so not able to have physical relation ship with my husband for months sometimes. in my case it was my dh' s elder unmarried sister who was behaving like your sil. she would not help in naything but will expect everthing to be done her ways. my mil was very helping nature but at the same time was fond of doing lots of thing & thus will increase workload in the house.
now we both me & my mil are happy leaving seprate bcs she was also getting stressed out bcs of my sil' s nature. now she misses us a lot but somehow managing herself. and also when we r not around she does not have to think about 2 people' s different tastes & styles. eventhough she does not agree with her daughter' s ways she does foloow her wishes & she also helps some times now bcs i am not there.

so the solution worked for me.
so try to put your foot down & learn to say no to certain things, the way ritika has advised. or another solution is to convince your husband to go seprate.
act before it is too late like gg has explained.

I told u my story just to make u realise how much this can harm you in long run. so act before it is too late. Ritika replied. Dear Geeta,

Of course your husband is not revolting. He is not the one who has to do all the cooking and related work. If he had to do everything by himself for even week, I' m sure he and his mother would get 5 maids and keep them and revolt all the way to hell and back.

Now why are you in this mess? Because you have not learned the very important and fine art of saying \" No\" . Your SIL has and your MIL has and your husband has.

Whether you are a DIL or a MIL or a wife or a husband or a son or a daughter or a friend or an employee or a boss, people will take advantage of you if you let them.

If you give in to them too quickly, you obey their every word and command, you are basically giving the impression that you do not value yourself or your time too much and that you will do anything to win the other person' s approval.

Ask yourself why is it so important for you to win the approval of somebody mean like your MIL?

Yes, you should help people but not at the cost that you end of being bitter. You should give in to charity but not at the cost of becoming broke. You should do only so much that you feel happy about.

If cooking for kitty parties etc was a one off, then I could understand but the way you are telling me, your MIL doesn' t care how much she is stressing you out, doesn' t want to lessen your load by not fighting with a maid, doesn' t want to help you in the kitchen...nothing.

Your husband seems to be with you. But next time when your MIL tells you to cook, say that you don' t feel well, and she should ask her other SIL...then walk away from there.

If she is strong enough to host kitty parties, then she can jolly well cater them or cook herself.

Being a doormat will only get others to wipe their feet on you.



gg replied. my god u hv a prob i can imagine...what u must be going thru..initially my mil too use to compliment my sil...n put me down ....she wud gv me all her work..but now she is ok...
but what is this kitty parties?...i can imagine how much u must be cooking...arranging itself takes so much of energy...
i wud like to tell u one thing ..if ur mil is helping u then its ok..but if ur doing all this alone then i think its ur mistake..teake ur mils help..even if she shouts at u not capable of doing things alone..turn a deaf ear n take her help...pay attention to ur baby...rather thatn all this...i think u can improve ur life...if u try to do so...
i cant exactly tell u what to do..i hope ritika read ur prob ...she willbe able to advice u better...
i believe one thing 1st comes ur husband then comes ur children n then every1 else....priority should be such...
learn something from ur sil..dont b so selfish or rude liek her but atleast see how she puts her foot down...

after reading ur prob i feel is u hv lost all ur confidence in u...realise ur worth....its not possible that in one house one person is enjoying so much n other is suffering...keep ur husband away form all this...u try to slove ur prob...even if ur husband wants to do something for u he wont be able to it...
only u can help urself.... gg replied. ...i ddnt read ur msg prop..what is this u cooking for ur sil' s kitty party....dare if u do this agian...
see mil...n fil...are ur husbands parents...they are like ur parents too...acc to me..its a dil duty to look after them ...buuuuuuuuuuuuutttttttttt ur devrani jhetani...excuse ..its all ur mistake ..i was so close to my sil but i never did her work from teh beginning...learn to gv excuse...take ur baby...pretend ur busy doing soemthing...but no doing ur sil' s work ...i dont agree with u at all...learn to say no...excpet for giving her water i dont do anything for her...once she told me to cook nashta for her...i removed all the veg from fridge n started cleaning...n i told my husband sil to do that ...plssssssssss dont ever do this again ...ur making ur self a servant ...ofcourse my remakrk is right...doign ur mil n fils work is ur duty ...but who is this sil?
it u start thinking about ever1 comfort who will think abou t u n ur husband..ur baby...ur sil?... gg replied. you know whn i was preg i use to cry n do work...but my mil...wudnt get up to help me ..inspite of seeing me crying...one day she did work all alone an d she fell sick...she cudnt move...she called my sil that u come home n do work...my sil went out for dinner with her husband n mil did all the work.inspite of being unwell...but she ddnt keep for me..the moment i rached i home i said y did u cook u should hv watied for me..i wud hv done..she ddnt utter a word only tears started coming from her eyes...

what destiny in store for me i dont know?...all i can say my mil paid for whatever she did to me...
in a way our husbands are right u do ur best n leave the rest to god...he is wathcing everything ..from above... gg replied. this is to inform you i found my twin sister...geeta..her life is just like mine...she has a husband too just like mine...or u can say we are twins seperated at birth..mrrd to twin bro...seprated at birth...lol...
only difference is my mil loves my daughter a lot...
my mil too is scared of my sil ...i wish we two hv bn like our sil from the beginning..
from last 3 weeks my sil has not done a single work at home..u know something hppnd at home..my mil cried non stop...i felt very bad...coz my mil had to do work...in my absense...my mil does help me...now...a lot...i feel very bad for her...can u believe she desnt let me do work at home..my mil has gone in depression...
otherwise when my sil was mrrd my situation was same like yours dong all the work alone...now my mil sometimes keeps dinner ready ..i gues she has started feeling for me...touchwood...
if she behaves nicely with me i will will be very nice to her...hope this natuer of her s doenst change again...