Hi all
As in my last mail I told everyone ,i micarriade.I am trying to recover from the misshap'.But in this process I came to know about one thing that nobody amongst my friends & relatives ever told me about their miscarriages.Even my very good & close friend didn't tell me.It was her husband who while consoling me told me,but took a promiss not to tell my friend that he told me about her miscarriage.Everyone hide it and tried to show thiers as a perfect life.I on the other hand told every one when I was pregnant & after that about my misshap'.now i wonder ,should I have waited for 4 months to pass away.I never felt like hiding it from anyone,every thing was open,because it is not my mistake,it was God's will.But when i think about every one elses thing,I get confused.What do you all think about this .is hiding your mishap & showing yourself as a perfect person with a perfect life is socially better.
Gudiya neha replied. gudiya ,
it feels you are telling my story. word for word. i have finally found an outlet at keepingmyfingerscrossed at blogspotdotcom
ranju replied. I came to know I was pregnant on April 11th. At the time my grandfather with whom I was very close was suffering after a stroke. He was paralyzed neck down and couldnt speak. My grand mother told him the news. Nobody knows if he ever heard it or understood it. On April 13th my grand father passed away. I couldnt go for the last rites as the doctor had advised me against travelling. Everybody near and dear who came for the cremation asked about me and my mother had to tell everybody about the news. Yes, everybody welcomes a new life and were happy for my family. On May 16th I had to undergo a D&C because of a missed abortion. Now its upto my parents to let everybody know the sad news.
But then that is what God decides. Maybe my being pregnant at that time and me being able to tell the news to my grandfather was so that he could leave this world peacefully. After all his granddaughter was going to have her child. What more do you need in a lifetime?
Its all God's wish. All this has made me more mature and has taught me that God's wish is the best for us and its no use to be bitter about it. gst replied. Dear Gudiya,
Losing a baby is one of the most difficult things that a woman goes through, mainly because society, especially her in laws (in India) tend to blame her for it. That is why most women tend to hide their miscarriages from the world.
But let me tell you that we are not alone in the world. There are many women who have lost children, some within 10 weeks of pregnancy, others have had still borns.
When I lost my baby, i chose not to speak about it except to my gynec and the 'friend' who took me to that gynec.
For a long time, i did not conceive and that gynec went on experimenting with my body.
Then i decided to open up. And found out that people around me not only have similar but worse problems than me. Thanx to a real friend, I was able to change my gynec, who found what was wrong with my body and rectified it. I am now due in a few weeks.
All the best,
GST Sonu replied. Hi Gudiya and Pari,
I know its hard as some people don't understand your feelings. I remember, one of my husband's friend telling me that its good that it happened otherwise your child would be abnormal and you could have life long problem. How justified is it for a person going through such a pain? I hated that person for this but sometime later I came to know that he himself has an abnormal child and I regreted
Think of it this way....
Don't care what they are saying in front of you or behind your back, I mean don't care about the words. Some people just don't know how to express their feelings, sometimes you feel they don't care for you, for some you feel that they blame you, some pity you but remember that they are really sorry for you. Remember that and you will be fine.

Whether you want to disclose the news or not until three months is up to you. One advantage of disclosing the news is that if you miscarry, you can get help and support from friends and they can give you advice for future.
If you are working then its better not to disclose until three months or until you starts showing because on one thing you may get support from you colleagues but in other cases it may affect your growth chances.

All the best
Arti

pari replied. dear gudiya,
im sorry to hear bout ur loss. i had a miscarriage last year. and we are still not pregnant.
when i was preg, apart from my family members, only 1 friend knew bout it. and i had told her to keep it to her till i cross 3 months coz till that time nothing is clear...most complications occur during the first trimester. still she told everyone...and those others told more people...and then i miscarried...(i still hate her for that)
6 months after that, i was still trying to overcome the grief...somebody asked me, 'i heard u r going to give good news!!' and i said, 'no, u must have heard wrong, i was never pregnant.'
i did that to escape all those explanations as to why and how it happened coz those who havent been thru it cant understand it...they may pity u..and u certainly dont want that!! or they may discuss it among themselves behind ur back,'oooh such a bad thing happened to poor so-and-so'. u dont want that either! or worst of all, some people can be unkind enough to ask,'u trying for a second one?' that is the most unkind question i have ever heard. even when u want to forget it, people wont let u...unless they are really close and care for u.
ur miscarriage was never ur fault. its a matter of personal choice whether to share it or hide it.
have faith. everything will be alrite...with time.
love,
pari.