Relationships  Discussion Forum

Good day Fellow friends! I just need some advice.

I am 26 and have been dating my current bf for nearly 6yrs now and we're planning to get engaged by end this year.The issue is the way his mum and sis's treat me.Whenever they have a family gathering, his sis and mum will always tell him that they wished I was there but if i did attend any of these gatherings they totally ignore me and sometimes even show an unhappy face(especially his younger sis).
I feel like they don't like me and when I am around them i feel like an idiot because of the way the ignore me.There was once when i went to his house, my bf went to take his bath and I ended up sitting alone in the hall cos his mum and and sis were busy talking/gossiping in the kitchen without being bothered that i was there and believe it a not,that was my first visit to his house.Even when i call the mum to talk to her sometimes, she talks to me very sarcastically and sometimes even comments abt my weight(i am a bit plump).I feel like his family feels that I am not good enough for him.It really hurts cos no matter how wonderful the chemistry between me and my bf is , we fight quite often cos of this issue.

What really bothers me is the fact that they act like they adore me in front of my bf but when he is not around they treat me like an unwanted person...why?
When i did express this to my bf, he just says that maybe his sis or mum was having a bad day or was just tired. But isn't a bit funny that everytime they meet me they are tired and were having a bad day. He also says tat i should spend more time with his family..But i am scared of getting hurt and being ignored when i meet his family so nowadays I avoid meeting them with work excuses.

Deep down,I would love to be part of his family but i am scared of the rejection I keep receiving.I am somewhat on the plump side and my bf's sis and mum are very slim and attractive people. I also feel very inferior when I am around them and that has become another reason to avoid meeting them.

My boyfriend is a wonderful man and I am sick of fighting with him because of the bitterness I have inside me towards his family.I want to be part of his family when we are married and i do do not want to have any anger or bitterness towards them.Please help me overcome this. Thanks in advance friends!!! Preeti replied. Hi,

You sound like a nice person. Your bf seems to think so too...hes gona marry you. The thing is our society puts too much emphasis on physical appearance. Just remeber when you argue with him,about his family, you making yourself look bad in his eyes and its ruining your relationship and its gona end up hurting you both. Weight is a small issue...right? They just make you feel bad and then it seems like you cant do anything about it. No matter what never show them that you're hurting....act with class when around them and you will leave them speechless. As for your weight do something for yourself health wise BUT ONLY WHEN YOU'RE READY...not when someone else pressures you.

Congrats on your engagement!!!
You have so much to look forward too.

Preeti Sheela replied. Thank you so much for ur advice S M, Your Friend and Angel. I will try to concentrate more on my life with my bf and stop bothering too much abt them. But it is really hard especially when u know u r gonna be part of that family. I'll definitely try....nothing to lose. S M replied. when u r invited to go for the parties do go make friends with other relatives keep trying and see how they go insane always be on your best behaviour with relatives so even in case ur in-laws talk bad about u to them it will be difficult to believe.

When you have to serve guests be a part of the family on ur own and in front of the guests offer help to ur MIL.See how irritated they get.Even ur bf will notice it. S M replied. Its the same story all over again,only difference it started after my marriage and in your case its way before.

One very important thing for you is that ,whether you are plump or not makes no difference to them they will always dislike you dear,so if you have any notion of pleasing them stop it right here.

Its very important that you feel good about yourself,if you don't accept yourself the way you are nobody else will,people can always see thru fear and insecurity,its like the taste of blood or the smell of flesh that attracts the lion to its victims.

And the they play thru ur insecurity.Don't let them get to you.The minute you show you are confident ,you know a confident person seems to exude a lot of strength which is visible to anybody and that can be very very frightening and threatening to lots of people,I believe that you understand what I am getting at.

Another suggestion to you if you feel that you will feel confident once you pull down do it.Go for a makeover,sport a diff hairdo,add a li'l colour to your wardrobe and yourself.Make it light and elegant.

When you go to meet them wear Black it makes you look thinner.Dark navy blue etc at least till you pull down.

Join a fitness club don't let ur bf know,and give time for your self.

Are your Mil and SIL working if not you have an upper hand ,another thing you know glass can cut thru glass,do what they do.

Talk to them very nicely in front of your hubby but be sarcastic to them inhis absence.

Stop fighting with your hubby and don't even tell him anything about ur in-laws.
But always keep communicating with him.Don't ever confide to ur in-laws about anything in an attempt to be friendly with them

Believe me even if this would have been an arranged marriage this would have been the same treatment you would have got ,even if you get thinner this problem is never going to go away.So don't worry yourself too much about these people at all.

All the best.

Tips to reduce.
Reduce ur oil consumption to 1 tbsp only and cut down on sugar.It helps.

Instead of always going for junk food add fruits in your diet.
Have chapathis with no oil at all.

I was 25 pounds overweight lost 9 pounds.

In addition to all this there is something called the GM diet.It worked for me.

Google GM diet and you will get it.

One more tip if you follow that do it only once a month.And after that esp try to stick to less oil and less sugar diet.

Say if you have 3 tsp sugar in your tea bring it down to 2,later to 1 etc.


All the best dear.


Angel replied. Hi Sheela!
Its becaze they dont like u but they dont wnt to loose their son so they r acting in front of him(they want to make it clear it to u that they dont like u n they dont mind if u say no to him as they cant).They wl never like u n the relationship b/w ur spouse wl worsen after marrige.
So its upto u todecide whether u want to carry on or not.If ur relationship with ur bf is too stronge n good communication then u can give it a try.
its not that u r plump so they r doing it........its just that they have found a weak pt. in u to say something to u.......but remember they wl do it too often(i was too bit plump when i met my husband.....reduced n became fit for marrige but the wt. hit me back with more power when i concieved n i gained 25 kgs.........n have nt been able to kick it off till this date n i m alaughing stock in their midst,my confidence level has gone down a lot.....thought i m good looking female but just on plump side)So get prepared.........n the story doesnt finishes there they go on creating confusions too b/w us.....though things r better now.
your friend replied. All I can say is that be wary and prepared from now itself. Don’t expect too much from them. In-Laws are almost impossible to please. Maintain your self-worth and dignity. Maintain your distance. If you accept this kind of treatment then you will ALWAYS been shown this kind of treatment. Be at your best behavior but DONOT be affected by their indifference. They are probably insecure abt their son. Some in-laws get this way. Just relax and donot compare your physical characteristics with them. There might be somethigns better abt them and some things better abt you. Please remember that your bf chose you. He wants you to be a part of his life. You will be his family soon. Please concentrate on the positive aspects of your life and let go of the negative.