Just few days ago i posted here about my sil's hatred towards by brothers and sister. Now i am pregnant. I am staying in the US and my brothers are staying in different parts in the same country. My mother has some visa issues. For my delivery she may stay here or may not. So as an alternative arrangement i wanted to stay in one of my brother's residence for delivery. Both of my sil's are working and one has school going kids. They can't take leave from work for long to stay with me during my delivery. So this idea looked better to me.
Earlier i asked my mil to come for my delivery, she said she can't. Now when i suggested her about this plan she says i shouldn't also go to my brother's houses for this purpose and manage my delivery on my own. My sil also says the same. To top it all she says my brother's wives will not do any help to me and abuses them with words. I know her intention. If my brothers help me now, then she cannot separate my husband (her brother) from my brothers forever.
How cunning people can be? My mil always says she is like my mother. Can a mother forsake her daughter in such situations? Last year when she visited us i never let her to do any household work (she preferred it that way). I managed my house and my job at the same time. She insisted they will have only idli and dosai for breakfast, that too with saambaar and chutneys. I did everything before 8 am and left for job. What is the gratitude are they showing to me? Is this not going to be their son's baby? Why should i always be a superwoman? Don't i have physical ailments?
I was thinking atleast my mil fears God. Both my mil and sil do so much poojas and bhajans. I really can't believe how such people can be so mean. When I entered this family i never realized this and i wanted to be a good dil, i wanted all these reltations. If they go on hurting my feelings how can i stay nice to them. I want to get my life. I cannot stand the abusals to my family and my separation from them. Both my mil and sil don't do any physical help. I always work like slave during their visits. My sil stays atleast for 2 months in a year with me along with her kid. If i follow their advice and stay away from my family, i can never get physical help in my life time and i always have to suffer like a bull. I desparately need consolation and advice.
Subscribe to this conversation
Reply Anonymously
Just few days ago i posted here about my sil's hatred towards by brothers and sister. Now i am pregnant. I am staying in the US and my brothers are staying in different parts in the same country. My mother has some visa issues. For my delivery she may stay here or may not. So as an alternative arrangement i wanted to stay in one of my brother's residence for delivery. Both of my sil's are working and one has school going kids. They can't take leave from work for long to stay with me during my delivery. So this idea looked better to me.
Earlier i asked my mil to come for my delivery, she said she can't. Now when i suggested her about this plan she says i shouldn't also go to my brother's houses for this purpose and manage my delivery on my own. My sil also says the same. To top it all she says my brother's wives will not do any help to me and abuses them with words. I know her intention. If my brothers help me now, then she cannot separate my husband (her brother) from my brothers forever.
How cunning people can be? My mil always says she is like my mother. Can a mother forsake her daughter in such situations? Last year when she visited us i never let her to do any household work (she preferred it that way). I managed my house and my job at the same time. She insisted they will have only idli and dosai for breakfast, that too with saambaar and chutneys. I did everything before 8 am and left for job. What is the gratitude are they showing to me? Is this not going to be their son's baby? Why should i always be a superwoman? Don't i have physical ailments?
I was thinking atleast my mil fears God. Both my mil and sil do so much poojas and bhajans. I really can't believe how such people can be so mean. When I entered this family i never realized this and i wanted to be a good dil, i wanted all these reltations. If they go on hurting my feelings how can i stay nice to them. I want to get my life. I cannot stand the abusals to my family and my separation from them. Both my mil and sil don't do any physical help. I always work like slave during their visits. My sil stays atleast for 2 months in a year with me along with her kid. If i follow their advice and stay away from my family, i can never get physical help in my life time and i always have to suffer like a bull. I desparately need consolation and advice.
Happy replied. Every DIL goes through the first few painful years of discovering their in laws. In my case my husband was all praise for his mom and sister and said his dad could be difficult. But over the years the best i get along with is his dad ...isnt it funny.
Anyway the point being now that you have the information how everyone is act according to that. Whats done is by gones.
Now you know your MIL is no help. Am sure you feel betrayed but mark my words. Every dog has his day...so you have your day too..when everyone needs you and you could look out for yourself at that time.
Anyway now that you are pregnant STAY HAPPY
S M replied. As of now let the matters rest and if you don't want to talk with your in-laws go off to sleep or something like that.
You know what when I talk to my in-laws I usually ask the questions and start thinking other things when they answer, so I ask the questions and they answer.
I just mastered that art.
Anyways always remember if you keep thinking about your in-laws you are letting them control your lives.Stop thinking about them too much,they really don't deserve that.
Let them go and you live your life and no matter what you say or do its not going to affect them.
And honestly only you can get the solution to your problems no matter what we say only you have the power to change your life the way you want.
I am sure just like the rest of us you will find your solution when you want to.
su replied. Hi, wakeup, S M, thanks to you all for your reply. I understood i have to take control of this situation, but i don't know how. My husband who was brainwashed by my sil in the beginning slowly started believing me now. He says he trusts me because i give no troubles to him whereas his mother and sister make big deal out of petty things. He says he can realize that, but he wants me to remain the same. If i say one wrong word against them, he will go mad with anger. He is also very busy with his job. Generally i don't complaint, but if he asks me any question due to his sister's pestering, i answer. Even that i have to do very carefully. I am so scared to start any fight. I find this situation quite challenging.
Hi Hi, you are right that i am being emotional here in proving to my husband that my relatives are good natured than his. I realized i have to be more careful with these people. However i don't see a way to shut their mouth. My husband has the attitude that he wants to ignore whatever they said and he wants us to do our duties. He says he knows about them and he will be on my side. But how is he practically going to do that?! I have desires that i cannot control for long. At the same time i am scared not to lose my husbands trust by speaking anything wrong.
My brother's wives themselves offered me the option to stay with them. My mother has helped them in their deliveries. I told this to my mil and sil. I thought this will shut their mouth, but it didn't! I wanted to use this opportunity to visit my brothers, since i never did that after my marriage. It seems to be too difficult than i imagined.
Hi replied. one more thing I want to add.
& You could have easily accomplished your visiting and staying at your brothers residences frequently during your pregnancy in a casual manner if you had just not said anything about delivering at yoru brothers residence..You MIL & SIL will have no power to stop this since even for Delivery your MIL is not coming!!!...
Now you have to fight and argue to do the same(visiting and staying at yoru brotehrs places)....and most of all you have let yout SIL and MIL express their opinion about your vists tehre.
Sorry if I am being very tough on you and even if You think bad of me it is fine but I somehow want you to understand the situation and become smart.
Hi replied. Hi Su,
I have answered and consoled to your queries before and again I want to answer you.
Listen Su...why do you again and again want to complicate your life by mixing up with your MIL's and SIL's views an opinions?...and by immediately bringin yoru brothers families in to this...
You have fulfilled/fulfilling your part
towards them and there are not giving anything in return.You MIL is not even coming for your delivery..You could have every easily used this fact to make her feel guilty and your SIL to shut her mouth...Now you have brought in this 'delivering at your brothers' residence and again done the biggest mistake!!!.You have lost control of the situation now and AGAIN given control to your MIL and SIL..
Your brothers' wives are all working and they have kids..Do you really think you will get better care there...Think about it..Since your MIl was not able to come your delivery, immediately you wanted to pull in your brothers into this to somehow prove that your side of people are much helpfull to you than your husbands' side...
The more and more you keep doing this more and more it is going to be difficult for you to mingle with your brothers families in life!!!...
If I understood correctly ..both your brothers' wives are working?..so how can staying there be a good idea???
Now all I can suggest you or give you idea is that 'please drop out the 'delivering in brothers residence' and make sure that you make your MIL feel very very guilty that she is not able to come for the delivery...Always take the situation in your hands and act smart...Please dotn take decisiosn fron heart instead of from mind and hence let others take the upper hand!!
If you had not suggested about your delivery option at brotehrs house then your MIL has nothign to say or order other than sit tight feeling guilty??..but right now by your hasty thinking you have given her a upper hand and she might talk to your husband about lot more things and take control....did u understand what I said?..
Be naive and very calculative..Not emotional and hasty like you are now..sorry Sum..but that is what I feel...
About getting physical comfort...dont worry you will be comfortable and relaxed and people will help you ..but only if you are able to make use of them very smartly...By being fast and emotional don't waste all the services and work that you have given them (SIL & MIL etc.,,,) and try to get it back from them
Goodluck with your pregnancy..
S M replied. First of all you have done enough for your MIL and SIL.Stop it right here.
Nothing you ever do will be right according to them.For your sake please stop pleasing them it never helps.They only keep expecting more from you and then you will never be able to stop it once you get in this loop of pleasing them.
Most imp. aspect of all if your brother and his wife do not have a problem with you staying with them then it is nobody's business to stop you from doing so and even otherwise every woman who is pregnant always visits her mother's place in the 7th or 8 th month this is the Indian tradition tell this to her.
You have to get help during your pregnancy or it really gets difficult.
The next time your mil tells you that you are like her daughter tell her \";that being my mother you did not com to help me when I needed you the most\"; with a smile.
Please I have similar set of in-laws who used to tell everybody and my husband and me that I am like their daughter and make me work like a slave same and at the same time tell all their friends that I never lifted my finger at home ,after knowing this I felt like lifting my fist at them.
It always leaves you hurt and betrayed.
All the best ,my suggestion go to meet your brother and keep your relations intact.
next time if your sil suggests that you shouldn't be going to your brother's place tell them same should be in her case.
wake up replied. Wake up my dear and realise that in-laws will always be in-laws. they will go out of their way to make your life miserable. Your family will be your family. Do your own thing. Be dependent on your close ones.And DONT EXPECT ANYTHING FROM YOUR INLAWS.
2006-05-12
#1
Name: Happy Subject: Hearfelt
Every DIL goes through the first few painful years of discovering their in laws. In my case my husband was all praise for his mom and sister and said his dad could be difficult. But over the years the best i get along with is his dad ...isnt it funny.
Anyway the point being now that you have the information how everyone is act according to that. Whats done is by gones.
Now you know your MIL is no help. Am sure you feel betrayed but mark my words. Every dog has his day...so you have your day too..when everyone needs you and you could look out for yourself at that time.
Anyway now that you are pregnant STAY HAPPY
2006-05-03
#2
Name: S M Subject: one more thing
As of now let the matters rest and if you don't want to talk with your in-laws go off to sleep or something like that.
You know what when I talk to my in-laws I usually ask the questions and start thinking other things when they answer, so I ask the questions and they answer.
I just mastered that art.
Anyways always remember if you keep thinking about your in-laws you are letting them control your lives.Stop thinking about them too much,they really don't deserve that.
Let them go and you live your life and no matter what you say or do its not going to affect them.
And honestly only you can get the solution to your problems no matter what we say only you have the power to change your life the way you want.
I am sure just like the rest of us you will find your solution when you want to.
2006-05-04
#3
Name: su Subject: thanks S M
Thanks for your kind reply. One thing i learnt from your posts is i should learn to ignore their comments. I should not yield to their threats or brainwashes.
Hereafter i should be independent in deciding what is good and what is not. Then only i can come out of guilt and wounds. Only the change in my attitude can help me to fulfill my rightful wishes. I don't know how long will it take for these people to change for good and be righteous. Waiting for that day is my foolishness because that is only in the hands of God.
I thank you all very much in giving me courage and clarity of what to do.
2006-05-02
#4
Name: su Subject: questions
Hi, wakeup, S M, thanks to you all for your reply. I understood i have to take control of this situation, but i don't know how. My husband who was brainwashed by my sil in the beginning slowly started believing me now. He says he trusts me because i give no troubles to him whereas his mother and sister make big deal out of petty things. He says he can realize that, but he wants me to remain the same. If i say one wrong word against them, he will go mad with anger. He is also very busy with his job. Generally i don't complaint, but if he asks me any question due to his sister's pestering, i answer. Even that i have to do very carefully. I am so scared to start any fight. I find this situation quite challenging.
Hi Hi, you are right that i am being emotional here in proving to my husband that my relatives are good natured than his. I realized i have to be more careful with these people. However i don't see a way to shut their mouth. My husband has the attitude that he wants to ignore whatever they said and he wants us to do our duties. He says he knows about them and he will be on my side. But how is he practically going to do that?! I have desires that i cannot control for long. At the same time i am scared not to lose my husbands trust by speaking anything wrong.
My brother's wives themselves offered me the option to stay with them. My mother has helped them in their deliveries. I told this to my mil and sil. I thought this will shut their mouth, but it didn't! I wanted to use this opportunity to visit my brothers, since i never did that after my marriage. It seems to be too difficult than i imagined.
2006-05-03
#5
Name: S M Subject: Hi Su!!!!!
Su if you can wait till your baby is born I could suggest you one thing.
Half your battle is won right now.
But plllleeeeeaaasse next time you want to visit your folks don't tell your in-laws ,if your husband has not asked you to ring them up and tell them then why should you do that,b'coz it only complicates matters.I mean i agree with HI on this .
Now to the main problem.Its just a matter of time once your baby is born.When you start spending your time with your hubby again,ask your hubby if your kid comes to know this about your in-laws and the fact that your husband does nothing about it but on the contrary yells at you how will the baby feel.
What kind of an impression does your husband want to create for your baby.
Does he want to show ur baby that no matter what your hubby will never stand for you is that what he wants to show,and even if you are on the right you should keep quiet and suffer not only your in-laws but also the fact your husbands lack of support???
You bet he would want to change his ways for the baby.That is for sure.And similarly many other questions you want to put to him.
At that time when he gets angry ask him to wait and get the baby and tell him to shout so that the baby knows his dad well.
This might 95% solve your problems.
All the best.
2006-05-02
#6
Name: Hi Subject: Hi Su
one more thing I want to add.
& You could have easily accomplished your visiting and staying at your brothers residences frequently during your pregnancy in a casual manner if you had just not said anything about delivering at yoru brothers residence..You MIL & SIL will have no power to stop this since even for Delivery your MIL is not coming!!!...
Now you have to fight and argue to do the same(visiting and staying at yoru brotehrs places)....and most of all you have let yout SIL and MIL express their opinion about your vists tehre.
Sorry if I am being very tough on you and even if You think bad of me it is fine but I somehow want you to understand the situation and become smart.
2006-05-02
#7
Name: Hi Subject: Hi Su
Hi Su,
I have answered and consoled to your queries before and again I want to answer you.
Listen Su...why do you again and again want to complicate your life by mixing up with your MIL's and SIL's views an opinions?...and by immediately bringin yoru brothers families in to this...
You have fulfilled/fulfilling your part
towards them and there are not giving anything in return.You MIL is not even coming for your delivery..You could have every easily used this fact to make her feel guilty and your SIL to shut her mouth...Now you have brought in this 'delivering at your brothers' residence and again done the biggest mistake!!!.You have lost control of the situation now and AGAIN given control to your MIL and SIL..
Your brothers' wives are all working and they have kids..Do you really think you will get better care there...Think about it..Since your MIl was not able to come your delivery, immediately you wanted to pull in your brothers into this to somehow prove that your side of people are much helpfull to you than your husbands' side...
The more and more you keep doing this more and more it is going to be difficult for you to mingle with your brothers families in life!!!...
If I understood correctly ..both your brothers' wives are working?..so how can staying there be a good idea???
Now all I can suggest you or give you idea is that 'please drop out the 'delivering in brothers residence' and make sure that you make your MIL feel very very guilty that she is not able to come for the delivery...Always take the situation in your hands and act smart...Please dotn take decisiosn fron heart instead of from mind and hence let others take the upper hand!!
If you had not suggested about your delivery option at brotehrs house then your MIL has nothign to say or order other than sit tight feeling guilty??..but right now by your hasty thinking you have given her a upper hand and she might talk to your husband about lot more things and take control....did u understand what I said?..
Be naive and very calculative..Not emotional and hasty like you are now..sorry Sum..but that is what I feel...
About getting physical comfort...dont worry you will be comfortable and relaxed and people will help you ..but only if you are able to make use of them very smartly...By being fast and emotional don't waste all the services and work that you have given them (SIL & MIL etc.,,,) and try to get it back from them
Goodluck with your pregnancy..
2006-05-02
#8
Name: S M Subject: Hi Su!!!!!!!!!
First of all you have done enough for your MIL and SIL.Stop it right here.
Nothing you ever do will be right according to them.For your sake please stop pleasing them it never helps.They only keep expecting more from you and then you will never be able to stop it once you get in this loop of pleasing them.
Most imp. aspect of all if your brother and his wife do not have a problem with you staying with them then it is nobody's business to stop you from doing so and even otherwise every woman who is pregnant always visits her mother's place in the 7th or 8 th month this is the Indian tradition tell this to her.
You have to get help during your pregnancy or it really gets difficult.
The next time your mil tells you that you are like her daughter tell her \";that being my mother you did not com to help me when I needed you the most\"; with a smile.
Please I have similar set of in-laws who used to tell everybody and my husband and me that I am like their daughter and make me work like a slave same and at the same time tell all their friends that I never lifted my finger at home ,after knowing this I felt like lifting my fist at them.
It always leaves you hurt and betrayed.
All the best ,my suggestion go to meet your brother and keep your relations intact.
next time if your sil suggests that you shouldn't be going to your brother's place tell them same should be in her case.
2006-05-02
#9
Name: wake up Subject: Wake up
Wake up my dear and realise that in-laws will always be in-laws. they will go out of their way to make your life miserable. Your family will be your family. Do your own thing. Be dependent on your close ones.And DONT EXPECT ANYTHING FROM YOUR INLAWS.
All tips on Relationships
You ever wanted in one place.
No need to go anywhere else.
& Answers to Topic : how mean?!
Subscribe to this conversation!
All tips on Relationships
You ever wanted in one place.
No need to go anywhere else.
& Answers to Topic : how mean?!
Subscribe to this conversation!
All tips on Relationships
You ever wanted in one place.
No need to go anywhere else.
There is no harm to make life exciting. There should be some spices. I have done threesomes with three couples and they are enjoying with more fun. So you should try it. My tg- hp2609. You can reach me... - Striker [View Message]
RE:Santhoshi mata's vrat.
Can I skip Santoshi mata fast for once this Friday? As its impossible in every condition to keep the fast as i am going to a remote place where such things can't be maintained? I've done more than 16 fasts with my pure heart. Will God forgive me if I skip this fast? Please reply fast. Its very urgent.... - Avika [View Message]
RE:Genuine Question
well priya its only natural to feel this attraction and lonliness. nothing wrong in it , only thing if any affair has to happen it will happen , if not , it will never happen. ... - rahul [View Message]
RE:RE:female or male sex capsules or some other assesori
I don't think would work. It would make one have garlic breath which could be a turnoff. I strongly feel that this is the time in their life to put down Kama sutra and take up some Yoga Sutra and religious books. Maybe she becomes like him too. More spiritual.... - Kim [View Message]
RE:RE:female or male sex capsules or some other assesori
Sm prolem here..what shoud i do..my huby dont listen anything... - Bindu [View Message]
RE:RE:female or male sex capsules or some other assesori
Hearfelt
one more thing
Name: su
questions
Hi Su
Family Planning
Pregnancy
Babies
Kids
Teens
Discuss
Community
Find Listing
Videos
More
