Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hi Saheli i request you to give a solution tomy probs as i like the way you tackle the probs.
Now my probs. is got recently married before 3 months & now i m 2 months pregnant & my hubby is marine engr. & he will be in land for three months & will be sailing for three months & now he has gone for sailing & will be coming back by the month of Jan' 08 & now i m living with my in laws & i m feeling all alone here & feel like going to work but again the probs is i want to spend the entire time with my husband wen he returns back as again he will go after three months & the pregnancy even makes me feel like i missing him lot.The proverb Ideal mind is Devil' s Workship is working for me & i feel like i m wasting my time sitting at home. Sometimes i feel like its really waste of going to work for three months as i want to quit the job wen my husband comes here & sometime i feel like working for three months as the work will divert my mind & will give some relaxation. Now wat do u suggest Saheli replied. Congratulations would be mother! You are about to step into a divine role soon!

Well, here' s what I feel and suggest-

- You have a loving hubby, you have conceived. You are lucky to be loved and to be a mother. Congrats again dear!

- Lets accept the fact once and for all that your hubby' s job profile is like that. You should start making up your mind and getting used to it. This will help you miss him less. Easier said than done, I know. Moreover you are recently married and conceived early.
Still, lets try and absorb that he would be away and you have to face things alone. Over the course of time, you would get used to it.

- Be patient and stop thinking about what' s hurting you too much. One way to overcome this is .. out of sight, out of mind. Second, as you have analysed, keep your mind busy. Thats the culprit.
Go ahead and join the job.

- The most imp reason I think you should join a job is for Yourself. Consoder this ... you have a loving husb and you are missing him. So thats a wife who' s missing hubby. You are pregnant and concerned about baby. That' s a mother.
But where is sweety? I think she is getting lost in being a wife and mom!
I wont say its wrong to be that.
But in a special case like yours where touring would be a routine, I think you need to have some individuality, identity and something constructive and productive to keep yourself occupied. You have your life too, its not just meant for awaiting hubby to come back or rearing the baby.
Job for you has many advantages. Keep you busy, give you identity, you would be doing something that will make u happy and this plays a very imp role, you would be getting out of the daily cycle and it will act as a refresher... it will keep you busy and you wont feel his absence that much. You will have a social circle, some aim, some challenges in life. You will have your own life.

- joining a job at this point is I think a right decision, from whatever you have told me. If you look at your issues and list them, I think you would put loneliness at the top. So address first things first. And make yourself busy by joining a job.

- As an option, you can join some hobby or learning classes as well. In case you want to study further, you can use this time to learn. Explore what you can do in this time of 3m. This will have 2 benefits - keep u busy and make u available when he is back.

Just see that you dont join something that you wont enjoy. Keep one objective in mind - to keep busy. (If you want to learn but u know u wont enjoy then keep it for later).

first find out what all options are available, considering charges and later stage of pregnancy and then decide. Consider hobby classes, cooking classes, yoga, preg exercises, lamaze (in later stage of pregnancy) .... check out pregnancy clubs ... kow details about pregnancy and baby by reading internet and books ... in your area ...
What more ..
check out if you want to do some social work .. like serve at an orphanage or something like that.

- Joining a job at this stage is also recommended. It will help you set up your foundation early in the job-line. The only catch is your maternity period.
Considering you are pregnant, I am not sure if they would accept you for a job.
Other side of coin ... if you join job now .. and when you return ... the overall pic would be like \" oh she has always been working, it was just a maternity leave of 3-4 months and her overall experience is so many months/years\" . Vis-a-vis assuming you join job only after maternity period, your experience will start from then. You know what i mean?

So just consider these aspects and take your own decision.

My FIL also had a touring job and my MIL has handled everything in the house with her 2 kids and has served as a govt school teacher. She has kept herself busy is what she says. She used to join different classes and knows so many things so well! She is fond of many things like cooking shopping vacationing partying clothing .. just name it ... I guess she developed interests in all these things and pampered her likes and thats what I think helped her keep busy and happy and going!

My baby is howling! Gotta go ..
good luck, enjoy ur preg and keep us posted!