Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hi aa,
Apologies for a late reply. Have been a little busy lately. Things seem to be little serious at your end. The ILs have been troublesome, hubby favors parents and then you have a kid to take care of. Well, went through the little story that you have posted here. I want to express what I really felt after going through your post. I will not try to be biased nor favor you. I think you would agree to me if I say I have looked at the situation from a neutral perspective and then trying to suggest you per what I felt.
The way your ILs have behaved with you is indeed not right. You reacting to it is also natural. But on the whole, who is right and who is wrong is something I cannot decide from this place. I assume they started it, thats what ILs usually do till the DIL runs out of patience and reverts back.
You have apologised for overreacting, is one great thing I think you have done. I am sure they have never apologised to you (I must be kidding!)

Let´ s consider first scenario and I would suggest you to look back and see if you have been too overreactive, and doing things that should not have been done? You are the best judge for yourself. Have you gone to extremes at times, so much that the man decides to support parents rather than his family (who would be with him all life)? Or you have been a nagging and cribbing wife all the time and he is really p1ssed off with the whole situation?
Not all men can take the family issues and wife/mom´ s complaints for too long. When their patience runs out, they say what the heck, go to hell, and they stop thinking abt whats right/wrong. They just try to run away from whats bothering them more.

So that was - assuming you have been overreacive.

Assuming your hubby is indecisive. You have mentioned that they are coming to stay with you. I assume you and your hubby dont stay with them as of now. Aa, please take this opportunity to win your hubby´ s love. Be nice to him, apologise to him for your past mistakes (he thinks they were mistakes right? They may not be. But at times it pays to " speak what others want to listen" ). Dont nag, dont crib. Try n be his best friend. Match his interests and do those things - watch cricket with him or whatever. Let him find u interesting. Be creative in bed. Just win his heart and keep inlaws issue away for the time.
Then, depending on your situation, you can postpone their visit. May be you can say to him directly that you need time to settle with him and you will wholeheartedly welcome his parents with them. Or give some other reason. Depends on how mature and sensible your hubby is. Idea is to give hubby and u more time to get closer.

My whole attempt is to keep hubby and you together, as far as possible. Because if nothing else works out, we always have the last option with us. Let´ s atleast try and do out bit before going extremes. Right?

Now regarding staying with such inlaws. I would againsay same thing. Try n see if you can be little more accepting and accomodating. Why? Because we want to keep the family together. Because women are more adjusting and patient than men.
Because you would need a partner more when you would be 55 yrs, than today.

Because you have a kid and he needs a father equally as he needs a mother.

I would never suggest to accept tyranny and what is irrelevant. We women have our lif too and this is the time we should live it and not waste in tolerating people who are not worth it.

Last and most important.

Please talk to a counsellor before you decide to separate. Please take this
seriously. Dont take decision hastily and seen an expert´ s opinion.

Finally, you know the situation better and you would be the last judge and decision maker. We can only suggest on what seems prim facia.

Good luck and please keep us posted.

Well, still, overall I am not able to understand why the situation is so serious that you are thinking of moving out. Is that all that is making you take the big step? If so, then I would say, please reconsider.

Or is it that there´ s a bigger story behind and you have just expressed a pinch of it? May be, but that is why I request ladies to explain the whole story. Overcommunication is not harmful but it surely helps others understand the situation better.

Anyway. Your hubby is supporting the ILs. There cn be two reasons from a neutral perspective. Either is is upset for the way you have reacted, upset with the way you have dealt with the inlaws .... or he is a mama´ s boy and cant decide whats clearly right/wrong.

Dear friend be firm because once if you lower tour self esteem in front of such horrid inlaws they would even try to act smart.Are you working,try to be more constructive.show that you dont care for these people.Regarding your husband initially he may be irritated but when he will see your guts,he will subside.Even if he says he will choose his family he doesnt mean it heart in hearts bcos he has a son too.So be positive try some meditation and be very very firm.All the best have confidence in yourself..