Relationships  Discussion Forum

i have been married to two and a hlf year with one year kid. i am feeling so ow toady, mine was a love cum arrange marriage. my fil was against marriage initially but after pursuing him for 5 years he let us married. i have a BIL also who is also married with kids. after marriage i went to foreigh for one year. after that u come back and all this started. i have very good job, i have my own cars, an apartment which i rented out means i am financialy well. My Fil does not like this financial independence. Now all the time he refer previous 6 years and start shouting that i was not ready for that marriage. i listen this to one and a hlaf year continuously but now i said that if u were not ready u should have told earlier. now he want to ditch me out of house even for my son he said that he will not take care of him when i am on work so i put him in a day care, that too he does not like. now i stopped talkig to him. i make food and use to kept in kitchen to be eaten by fil, bil, co-sis, Mil etc. i can not take this humilation further all the time these people shout at me. my hubby is nice and once or twice he fight for me. now my fil and me are not on talking terms how ever i am ok with my mil. now u know what he did when my hubby was on tour he cut my AC wire three times and as i know little bit electricity work i used to correct it. but ab mujhe gussa aata hai iwant to cut all the wires in his room u know he accept also that he cut the ac wire he said that use cooler. li dont know what to do. par ab i start thinking to do same things with him, am i right. pls tell Sur replied. Now my FIL introduce a new thing in the family. separating the kitchen with my BIL and myself. he is really doing the devide and rule thing in the home. really but one thing is clear that now i can make good food for my hubby and baby. lets see how many days this solution works.
Saheli replied. I really hate to say this ... but cant find a better match .. that ek gandi machhli sarey talaab ko kharaab kar deti hai.
And I am pointing to the incorrect attitude of FIL .. not FIL himself.
People are never wrong. Their attitude may be.

I was really impressed with 2 things. One, that you care for your people. Mil, bil, fil, sil. Its good. Second, you tried to sort out things.

Well, you are right that there are issues in your house, and if you move out all that u hv mentioned can happen. But according to me, your staying in the house is not going to help much in factors like ... BIL' s financial condition, attitude of fil towards others and esp you.

Secondly, you need to think long term. Your career, your financial stability, kids, their education .. and most imp .. a peaceful life and a balanced mind. Yes, you need this for yourself, but also for your family. So you are not being selfish if you are thinking so.
Even if you not be selfish and decide to stay there. doesnt seem like its gonna work.
Move on, and try and help your people from there as possible.
I am sure you will find solutions.

Good luck. Radhika replied. Sur:

I think whatever you are doing is right. It' s good that you have stopped talking with him. I can understand, that you too are concerned about your MIL and BIL. That' s good! and am happy to know that your hubby too knows everything that is going on with you in your own house.

Well, dont do anything like your FIL. He is an old man and am sure its because of his oldage he is behaving like that. Even my FIL has a bit ego problem, but I jst ignore him.
If he cuts your AC' s wire, get the wire done by yoruself or call the electrician...take care if you are doing it yourself. Instead of talking loud about what your FIL is doing, calm down and think about the solution to the prob. there is no point in discussing this with your FIL who know s that he has done that... forgt it!

When he comes to know that you are not paying attention to his behavior, he may do something, which is not at all acceptable... and there you might get a final chance to seperate out. For time being, just go with the wind. Do try to defend evertime... there' s no point in doing that...He is not going to understand you...

I do not know how much of this would be acceptable to you, but i think this will work... atleast it worked for me :)

all the best Ritika replied. You and yr hubby are financially well off. Your child goes to day care. You cook all the food. FIL is making you even think of stooping to his low level.

Only solution I can suggest is - Move out asap. As Saheli said, this guy is not to be trusted. He seems to have a controlling nature and is hating that you are not really dependent on him.

Please consider the option of staying separately. Tell your husband about what all his dear dad has done and then MOVE OUT. Saheli replied. Have you guys considered moving out of that place and stay separate? You said you had rented out an appt, what was that about?

Considering what your FIL has been doing, I dont seem to trust this person. He seems to have old, Indian thinking and also seems to be jealous.

I would normally suggest to try and adjust with the family as far as possible. But the way he is reacting .. refusing to take care of kid, then cutting AC wires .. looks like he wants to put you in trouble and when he is not being successful at one, he is going to next level. May be an ego problem for him, may be he is expecting you to praise him, respect him, seva karo. That may massage his ego (has he been not too successful in life/career which is making him put you down?).

I wd suggest, dont do anything like cutting wires. No tit for tat. He knows what he has done and if you do anything like that, that will only worsen matters and create scenes.

He wants to see you bothered and sad and crying and when he is seeing u happy, he is getting irritated.

Rather than playing wicked games, look for a permanant solution. I dont think he will bend down or fall soft. Infact I am worried if he takes stronger steps to bother you.

(All this, I am assuming you hv validated the facts .. you sure that he cut the wires and not anybody else, not an incident).

Please talk to your hubby about this seriously, get him in confidence and discuss possible options.