Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hi
i have been married for past 5 years and have a 11 month old girl. i quit my job after the baby was born hoping to take care of her. My in laws in the name of love interfere in the way i bring up the baby and make it a point to get things their way. for eg i feed the baby in high chair and they do it running all round her. so if i am doing some work they rush up and feed her . they make it a point to prove they are right. they want to feed her stuff they fed their babies despite having so many options now. i am really depressed. is staying seperately the only solution. ,my hubby doesnt understand this as he is travelling all the time. i feel i am under the microscope all the time. i stay with 6 others my fil, mil, sil who is a spinster , old granny and beleive me each one comments i feede, bathe, dress or even play with the baby and have an opinion to give me . i dont know if they are genuienly affectionate or whether they want it their way. even so i am feeling suffocated and since i can tell anybody only cry to myself.
somebody please help me
depressed depressed & worried replied. dear friend

i spoke to my inlaws in the presencde of my husband abt how they try and meet me atleast half way . their answer was we are like this only, we cant change, this is what we get for helping you, feel free to leave..for which i said we dont want to leave u thats why we are asking u to understand. it went on and on and finally they are giving me and the bnaby a cold shoulder except in my hubbys presence. they dont bother what i do this hurts me as i dont deserve it after being nice and decent. MIL cries to herself and sulks all the timeand drives me to feel guilty.tried talking to nhubby he says its all or nothing . u decide they interfere fully or they will be like this only
what shd i do
depressed friend replied. Hi Depressed,
Have you spoken to your in-laws about the problems you are facing. You can think about 'staying separately' as a last solution. Before that try to talk to them but in a polite and non-offending manner. Your husband can be your main help. Tell your husband politely about the concerned things. Tell him the reasons why you want to bring up your kid as per your way. You have said your husband doesnt understand this as he is travelling. So the best way to make him understand is to talk to him. Communication is a very important aspect in a marriage. But dont tell him as if its a complaint, he might feel bad, after all they are his parents. Tell him in a good and kind way. For eg. about the feeding issue, tell him that they run behind her all the time and feed her, that way she will be spoiled when she grows up and she wont sit in one place and eat. So you want to feed her in your way. And also gradually she will start eating on her own quickly. Im sure he will talk to his family about this.
Meanwhile, if he is not there with you now, then try some other way with your in-laws. Let them also get a chance with ur kid but keep a limit to it. Once in a while let them do as they wish but other times be firm and talk to them and tell them that you would like to feed her or dress her or bath her in your way. I dont think they are interfering in your way, they just love their grandchild too much and they are showing it in their way. There is a vast difference in everything in the older generation and our generation. In fact, your mother and u might also have certain disagreements in which none of you might be wrong, only the way you both see it might be different. Its the same way. Your in-laws have brought up their kids in a certain manner and you want to bring up in a certain manner and so there is a clash. Theres nothing wrong in it. Just be patient and let them enjoy too. But keep everything to a limit. After all you are the MOM, you have the most right to you kid. Whenever they give you any opinion regarding anything, just lisen and agree to them. But while actually doing it, you can do it in your own way. In this way, no one will be hurt. I remember after my pregnancy, my mom used to always tell me to have lots of ghee in my diet but my doctor had told me not to have much fatty things or else instead of losing weight, I'll again start gaining it. So just not to hurt my mom I used to say that yes I'm having ghee in my diet everyday but I never used to have it much. Just once a week or so. That way I didnt hurt her feelings and I also got to do it my way. So this is what you have to do. Hope this advise comes of some help to you. Keep writing and tell me if it worked and if you want any other help. Bye and good luck!