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Joint Family:Love or Arranged marriage???
2002-08-06
Name: Shruti



Hi, I'm in my final year of college and I often check this site and read about all the problems listed here. In a few years I'll be getting married. I would like to know everyone's opinion regarding love marriages and arranged marriages. Which type of marriage do u think is the most lasting and happy one? If its a love and intercaste marriage are there any problems faced by the girl?? Friends, please reply about this so that I can make the correct decision when the time comes. Thanks.
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2002-08-07
#1
Anonymous Name: A well wisher
Subject:  Love/arranged marriages



Dear Shruti

This may sound strange to many but there are no guarantees in either love or arranged marriages.....this means that marriages are all about survival and compromise and adjustments and somewhere in between one may even squeeze in Love! More than Love you just have to get used to living with the same person everyday and there are feelings and emotions and mood swings and everything that one has to cope with keeping in mind that one is sharing their life with someone else !

There is no right formula where marriage is concerned and its a very personal thing.You have to feel right about a person. You could have been in love with someone for really long and decided that this is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with and I know that he/she is the right person and then you get ,married and you get the rudest shock of your life.....and then you begin to wonder is this the same guy you married and is this the same person you were in love with and were willing to do anything for.....and all this happens because two humans have come to live with each other and the real nitty gritties about each other and revealed only when two people live together in a marriage......!

On the other side I do not want to sound depressing about marriage but I am trying to point out here that there are no formulas for choosing the right person and saying yes now I should not have any problems in my marriage. Go into marriage with an open mind be it Love /arranged and stop believing that marriage is a bed of roses because it never is and it is only what you make of it that it is. You can make it miserable or a bed of roses.....If you are smart enuff you will ensure that everything is smooth sailing and that way marriage will work beautifully for you.

Hope this helps........

All the best.

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2003-11-12
#2
Anonymous Name: S.K.
Subject:  No best kind of marriage- but the best kind of man



I agree with you, too. There are no guarantees on what can kind of marriage is the best, love or arranged.

I can tell you though that the best kind of man to marry is the kind that fears his Creator night and day. By that I mean, a man who fears God for his actions. That is the best kind of man to marry. He will take responsibility for his actions and he will not disrespect you to respect somebody else, nor do you wrong. This is the best kind of man to marry, and in particular the best of all God-fearing men are the Muslim men.

And this is what I have learned from my life experience from a Christain conversion now to a happy Muslim :) The men that treat you the best are the Muslim men who truly fear God (no not the fanatics!) , the men who fear a Lord unseen and are pious and humble, and follow the way of God as revealed to the last prophet and messenger, Muhammad (saw). In fact, one of the last words the last prophet said before he died (saw), was "and give women their rights." From what I know, he repeated that statement 3 times.
No wonder most of the converts to Islam are women, and Islam is the fastest growing relegion in the world. It is sad though that many people (Muslims) have fallen away from the true teachings of God, and oppress and don't give women their rights like they are supposed to.

But the majority of real God-fearing Muslim men I have come across in America -wow- They really know how to treat a lady, and will not overstep boundaries, such as disrespecting his wife to respect his family or vice versa.

In Islam, everyone who fears God benifits, inlaws and husbands and wives. And a God fearing man, a Muslim man particulary, is the best kind of man to marry, and the best kind of lasting, happy marriage to enter into God-willingly :)
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2003-04-20
#3
Anonymous Name: anjali
Subject:  I agree with well wisher



Good advice well wisher. I totally agree with your ideas. Marriage has nothing to do about love or arranged.
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