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Womens Issues:Help to save marriage
2006-03-23
Name: helpwithmarriage



I am married for 4 yrs..We both love each other very much expect for my parents issue.He takes care of me and I care abt him…

Our only problem is my husband is too sensitive regarding my relation with my parents. From the day Iam married we are happy but I used to miss my parents as I came got married in a very short time and came to US. At first he was ok with me to chat with my dad. but later I came to know that he started watching what I was chatting and also checked my emails. He always think that I am thinking about them ..he lost complete trust on me...I don’t understand this but in his own family his sister discuss personal matters with him ,his mom discuss everything with her brother but he will not like me to do the same. My in-laws are with old beliefs that once u marry the daughter she is out of the family and her parents shud not be involved .They can say this because they have sons who will look after them...but in my case I happened to be the elder daughter and I have two sisters. I don’t have brothers...does that mean my parents have to sacrifice all 3 of us and shud no more think of us...how can they think in such terms. our parents have done everything just like they would do for a boy..My husband and In-laws always think that me and my parents think them as village people..I don’t understand why he got such as idea.....I know my dad .. he is very gud with my husband and inlaws..he likes my husband and forgives everything saying that after all he is my son in law.. but these people cannot tolerate my dad. my husband doesn’t like me to share even the photographs of my daughter with them ,nor the clothes they bought for her.My husband did all the things when his parents came which he was not interested when my parents were here. ...my in-laws are those type of people who says nice things before me and again they will be supportive to my husband when time comes. I completely trusted my in-laws and pleaded that i am not doing anything wrong. I am only talking with my parents ..which he is also doing...my husband is so attached to his mom that he still behaves has a small kid with her .i really don’t feel comfortable the way he behaves with her sometimes . Iam always open to him ..i have no secrets. he don’t let me know the financial matters which my Fatherinlaw will take care BACK HOME. he hides personal things abt my in-laws from me...I have a strong feeling that someone has spread the wrong words against my dad or if he is possessive of me. Every fight he is linking it to my parents.He is involving his parents in our fights and they are questioning my parents.I am a stay at home mom, he always wanted me to do job...did he marry me because he thought i would earn money i don’t know. My dad wants me to be happy so he is maintaining distance with me. He reduced talking with his SIL.. The problem with my husband is he doesnot want to listen to wht I convey,he says it’s a nonsense talk and he has no time to listen, he and his mom says one thing and in practice does some other thing.and he uses harsh words against my dad which hurts me, he is split personality after long fights now he says that I can talk to my parents...he is least bothered abt it. he is no more thinking abt it. Then why the hell he is again pointing towards my parents for so small things in our life again. Please give me some suggestions.i wanted to save my marriage.

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2006-03-23
#1
Anonymous Name: hi
Subject:  be wise dear



dear friend

i can understand ur situaton. i think about 99percent of guys r like that only. they love us , but when our parents things comes......

anyway dear, from my experiences, what i'll say is the first thing for u to do is win ur husband's trust. because u sad u both love each other very much, except parents issues, then first make him understand that u love hhim and u two r a family and u two r more important in ur family than any other person.(u didn't mention about chldren)

anyway for every grl this thing happens. because we r our parents daughter and withn somedays we can't forget everything. we lived wth them. we can't even think about a day without them earlier. but suddenly one day we got separated from them. though we love our husband, we can't adjust first. but dear frend, this happened to me also. but after marriage we have to show our husbands that we LOVE them more than anything in the world.
now what ur usband have for ur father is simply jealousy. every guy has this i think.

so be bright. think and act wisely. never ever show ur complete love towards ur parents n front of ur husband. u can love ur parents. they know that. show that u love ur husband more, trusting him. win his trust. slowly, he also wll lose that anger towards ur father.

also about ur nlaws. they'll be lke that only. we cannot change them. so don't take anything serous about them. lovethem respect the,m ALSO KEEP THEM IN ASAFE DISTANT ALWAYS. otherwise our life'll become hell.
don't plead or cry. just act wisely. then ur husband'll notce u. slowly he'll cahnge(because hje love u)

n every relatonshp this jealosy problem s there. so deal wth t wisely. soyou know what imean.

always make ur husnab feel he s ther very mportant man n ur life. sure he'll change. these guys don't like that we always turnong to opur parents.

so be brave, wise and move on in ur life.

this marred life is a very misterious path dear frend, we have to move very wisely and cautously. take t easy. pray to god. he can change everything for good.
lots of luv
friend
(
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2006-03-23
#2
Anonymous Name: abcd
Subject:  dont worry



hey dont worry!
i am also in more or less same situation!!i think 90% of girls are!!!so u r not alone!!!u have to be patient&win ur husbands trust first!!!if ur hubby wants to read ur mail,let him!!coz u have nothing to hide....tell him openly that he can read ur mail whenever he wants coz u dont have anything to hide!!!dont worry about in-laws coz u have to sort out ur life first!!!so win ur husbands trust!!&slowly play ur way...All the best!
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