Relationships  Discussion Forum

hi all,
i live in the US and have been married for 4 years. i just had a baby 5 months ago. i'm working part time right now. me and my husband has had our ups and downs. he physically abused me initially during the 1st yr and so v were seperated for 10 months. his parents and my parents had a huge fight coz of this as my parents wanted some kind of explaination from them for their son's behavior.
coming to our isssue , v finally got back he promised me never to get physical.
after that i got pregnant (9months after my return). he was changed to some extent but not completely....during those 9 months he wud've abused me twice.i cud'nt go back to anyone now as i cud'nt face them,i had vowed to everyone that he wud change.
but after i got pregnant he took care of me well.since then he's never abused me. all these years i've been working part time. thought v r married for 4 yrs now, he has a seperate a/c. he gets me whatever i ask for now. during the initial yrs i compelled him literally to make it a joint a/c but he said he will do it once he gains confidence. after some months i started this once again n he was like once u r pregnant, after 4 months of ur pregnancy i will. now i've had my baby it been 5 months, n i've finally stopped asking him. i've considerable savings out of my job. my situation now is, i'm finally going to get a promotion in my job the salary is alos really gud. my mom is here with me. she has a 10 yrs visa n she's willing to take care of the baby.but my husband is neither supportive nor discourages me. he's been fairly gud to my mom these 5 months. takes care of the baby well.
shud i take this promotion for my safety and the security of my baby?
sometimes i'm scared that my husband is gonna make me appear like a bad mom to my baby. as of now he still has'nt opened a joint a/c. but my money that i've saved i've opened it as joint a/c. i still feel he does'nt trust me enough.what shud i do? if i quit my job i've to be dependant on him.
please advice...........i need all ur help
confused wife confused wife replied. dear kavya, natty and kl,
firstly thank you all for your time. i really appreciate it.
i'm planning to take up the promotion......i wont be getting my posting for another 4 months........until then i'm still planning to work part time......which is very flexible now with the baby.
also i'm planning to help my mom financially when she stays with me. partly bcoz i feel guilty for they spent a huge amount for my marriage(4yrs ago) and they r still in debt.
i'm not going to ask my husband's permission regarding this. i'm only going to inform him. coz in the US even if u hire a nanny or leave the baby in daycare its gonna be more expensive and also u never know if the baby is taken care of really good like ur own parents.
i fell like i really owe it to my mom who has given her life to make me what i'm today.
thank u all once again kl replied. PLEASE DON'T QUIT YOUR JOB. Natty replied. hi friend,
what Kavya said was so right. take the promotion and put the money on ur child's name. why not, only on ur name too. why should u keep ur savings on joint account when ur husband does not trust u with his money. Dont feel guilty u are leaving ur child with ur mom. believe ur baby is in safe hands with ur own mum. Go ahead, all the best. God be with u. kavya replied. hi , ur doing great ok .You have been through alot....Please do not leave your job.Its good to be independent .Make savings in your childs name ..or may be insurance.U dont have to dependent on your husband .Open account in babies account.And save the money.Dont force him if doesnt want to make his account joint.Dont give him anything from yours.Its ok to be selfish when he does not trust you at all.
Im sorry if i am sounding rude.U have to secure the life of your baby and and yours also .Ur child will definitely know what ur going through emotionally .And she will never hate u.And you are very very lucky to have your mothers support and love.
Be strong and confident .Concentrate in your work.Take up your promotion with fresh enthuciasm.Ur doing great.Be Independent and stand on your own feet...
May God Bless You and your Child