Relationships  Discussion Forum

hi...i have been reading these messages for the past few months and finally decided tht i should opt for help frm u guys also when ever i have a prob & if i write it down i always feel light after it.......anyways i live wid my hubby my daughter, MIl & Sil. My SIL is 19 year old nd doesnt not goto college.....i am a working mother nd my MIL also works on & off so mostly my daughter stays wid my SIL.....thts not a problem atall as she luvss my daughter but the prob is tht she always shows to me tht she is doing a bigg time obligation on me in taking care of my daughter......whtever i talk to my hubby or my parents she tries to listen all of it and tell word to word to my MIL(when she is away at work).....sometimes i & my hubby fights in a jovial manner....just a light argument nd strt laughing but she portrays in front of my inlaws tht how baddly i was treating him.....if i tell my hubby to tell her abt all dis drama of her.....he says got 2 talk but i cant coz she takes care of my daughter when i am away at work so i dun want ki woh mera anger meri beti pe nikale...so i got to be her yes LADY.......my mil luvs her daughter a lotttt so she cant see ny wrong she does....nd she keeps filling my MILS ears too against me tht how badly i was treating my hubby....which is very irritating.......i want to be a gudd bahu but wanna teach a lesson to my MIL & SIL and dunno want my hubby to get involved coz if he says nything they still think tht he is taking my side nd ignoring his family....and i am making him do like this sooo more baddd for me....PLEASE help me but i wanna get helped in a peaceful manner....coz i luv my family Saheli replied. You have mentioned that you have issues with your SIL but you have given only 2 instances. From which it doesnt seem like a serious problem and just needs some management chanhes to handle. I want to try suggesting, hope it will help u.

If she shows that she is doing a big obligation, then use the rule \" khush hone do\" . Let her be happy, even praise her more. \" Say what she wants to hear\" . Bring her gifts. Take her out at times. She is 19 and should be easy to win with some management tricks like these.

If you dont want to do this, then remove your dependency on her. You cant get enerything. If you need her support, you will have to adjust and if she shows \" obligation\" , accept it. Or, get a day time maid for your daughter or move her to a day care. Or look for whatever option that suits you.

About the second issue - If she listens to your talks and tells that to MIL, try reducing talking to hubby when she is around. And in case she overhears something and tells it to your MIL, depending on seriousness of the matter, you can either ignore it, or clarify to MIL in short and cool words that ' that wasnt the case, it was just a joke that your hubby had started' , or if u think its serious, you can start clarifying like this at times, by which I am assuming your SIL and MIL will ' kind of' understand you are not liking it. And then when it happens again, you can again clarify and just change the track to different topic, by saying in a jovial manner \" oh mummy, dont worry, its just a personal matter between a husband and wife and things are not that serious. I am sure you and daddy too must have shared light jokes like these. Hey, why dont tell us something about your life when you came to this house? How were your inlaws? How were the relatives? How did you manage people? And how did you manahe home and kids together/ Must have been tough right? Tell us some stories please! I will also learn from this.\" .
I have seen this trick working with my MIL but I am not too good at it. My hubby does that. Whenever he sees his mom angry at anything, he does start talking about that topic but slowly turns it to something that mil will like to talk / will be happy about. Though she has not forgotten her anger, but the rule of \" khush hone do\" makes her eyes shine and she answers hubby' s question.

Overall, your sil seems to be a young and not so mature girl who is also having her personal issues and complexes. I dont know about her issues, but yes, some sacrifice, love, management from your side will make her cherish her home-memories for ever and she will always remember you as a wonderful bhabhi (howsoever she is) - she is anyways not a member of your house for long. raj replied. Hi Sahi,
having a younger sil at hoem is surely work on you.Why is your sil at home at 19 years?Encourage her to do studies work,voluntary work in our neighbouhood or go get some additional qualifications,find a job and keep herself busy.Stop relying on her to take care of your babay or atlest have a partime maid who will take care of your baby or leave her in daycare for some time,so that you are not dependent on your sil all the time.Once that is done,you can put her in her placce,you dont have to do yes boss all the timeAlos keep telling her gently htat it is not manners to come between husband and wwife when they are talking,keep telling her until she follows,try these ideas out and then please tell us on the board if it worked.
Raj