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Womens Issues:What should I do ?
2005-12-14
Name: Sheetal



My name is Sheetal & I am 17 yrs old.My problem is my mothers behaviour since the last few days.My dad works abroad & I stay with my mom alone.I cant understand why but we are not being able to adjust at all.It all started around a month ago when she sugessted me to go for a routine checkup to a gynaecologist saying it was necessary to be done once at this age.I somehow agreed to it though it was not required & it was when she said the name of the doc that I realised he was a male gynaec.I strait away said no to it & that led to a fight.She kept on insisting that he was an excellent doctor taking names of all the women in our area who had been to him.The list was long but I still was not ready as I knew I wouldnt be comfortable with him checking my private parts & all.I told her I was fine if it was a female but she was very stuborn so even I did not go to talk to her on this.After a couple of days sudennly she started saying that I did not trust her so that was the reason why I did not agree to come to the doctor.I couldnt understand where does trust come in this but still kept quiet & after that we did not talk on that topic.It was then that there was my friends brother's marriage to be held & me & my friends decided to go in Saree.My mom was very excited about this & got me a red saree by surpise but when I had a look at it all my excitement had become zero.It was a completely transparent one.I took it in my hand & I could see everything through it.I told this to her & she said when I wear it it wont look so.I said OK & then she gave me some old blouse to put on which was very loose.When I was going to the bathroom to wear it she did not like it.When I came out she asked me why I was feeling shy to wear it before her & I did not say anything.I was obviouly going to get the saree worn from her only but blouse I was not so comfortable wearing it before her.She made me wear the saree.It was very exciting till I saw myself in the mirror.The saree was really good & I was looking good in it.But there was a big problem.The region above my blouse & my whole stomach was completely visible.I told her this but she said it was OK.I was however not convinced & wanted another saree.When I said that she said she bought this pusposley for me since I had a fair skin & a good figure & so it would look good on me.I pulled up the saree till my blouse & it was fine.But then she insists on the fact that it should be worn down only.I have no idea still why she is saying so.Now I have seen so many females wearing saree up till the blouse or slightly below it & it doesnt look bad on them at all & I was doing it for a valid reason still my mom wouldnt agree to it.I got a blouse stiched from my measurement.The day came when I had to wear the saree I told her before hand itself to make me wear it above only but she didnt listen.I waited to see how it would look & then finally decided not to wear it itself.Everything inside the saree could be seen.This led to an arguement & I simply went to my room removed the saree wore a salwar kameez & decided to go.When I came out she was crying & when I went to talk to her she just walked away.I did not go to say anything then & when I came back she was absolutely fine.This happened just yesterday,I was taking bath & she called me from outside saying she wanted her soap.I didn't hear her very clearly so opened the door slightly to ask her.After knowing that she wanted the soap I turned behind and then she just walked in to the bathroom.I was stunned as I had not worn anything.She just took the soap & walked out.I felt like crying then & came out after some time.I didn't talk a word with her during dinner & not even today.I am feeling so odd now to even talk to her.I dont know what to do.I am feeling really sick of these things now.Please tell me what should I do.
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2005-12-22
#1
Anonymous Name: Reena
Subject:  Take it easy.



Your mom's behaviour is a clear indication of thefact that she is frustfarted over you regarding something.As far as the male gynaec thing is concerned you have every possible reasn to be angry about.If you are not comfortable you dont go for it thats it.But trust me if one really goes to see now a days the no. of people going to female gynaecs is the same as male gynaecs.Though I have been to a female gynaec.About the saree thing it is OK if you are not comfortable wearing a transparent saree but it is what is the latest fashion right now.And there is a way to hide your body something that your mom didnt tell you.You can take the pallu in your hand & hold it in front if you want to.I my self have a couple of transparent sarees & really dont find anything wrong with that.It looks great actually.However as you said pulling up the skirt up to the blouse it simply spoils the whole beauty of the saree itself.It looks bad.Atlast the bathroom scene well I support you completely on that I guess you should have spoken to your mom on that.

Finally all I have to say is keep calm its nothing but an understanding problem between the 2 of you now.So just relax & be good to her I am sure she will understand.
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2005-12-20
#2
Anonymous Name: amom
Subject:  Talk to her



Hi Sheetal,
Try to tell her that you are not her baby anymore and that you are concious of your body and don't want her to look at her. If you were a boy your mom would have given him the privacy right? Same way explain it to her. Also she should respect if you do not want to wear revealing clothes. I actually applaud you for that because most young girls these days have to be told not to wear revealing clothes.

Try to tell her the real reason and still do things with her like shopping and mother/daughter stuff. Tell her how you feel about Road-side romeos and stuff she will not feel left out or rather have some insight on what's going on with you.

Good luck
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2005-12-20
#3
Anonymous Name: chandrakant
Subject:  advice



hi sheetal i am not at all surprised at what you are going through. its only a passing phase of your life and mutual understanding. my advice to you is simply dont get deeper and invite psyco-trouble. try to bridge the gap so that you both should be comfortable....
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