Relationships  Discussion Forum

I am working as a team lead in a software firm. My project went live on a friday, some weeks back. That week was very hectic and full of tension and that friday night was the max of it all. Those who know can imagine. I came home late on friday night.
Saturday morning i really felt like staying in the bed till some time but had to get up for my 1 yr old baby. I was still tired and exhausted, needed a break, some refreshment in life. But i was there feeding the baby cereal. At last i gave it to my maid and laid in bed reading newspaper. Just then my hubby got up my mil got up and hubby asked me to make tea and breakfast.
i felt making tea was easier at that time than making the baby eat breakfast so i went into the kitchen. While making tea I was seeing my hubby relaxing on couch and reading paper and mu mil watching news on TV. None of them bothered. Why it is like that? I am also a human i too work and earn like him then why in India we are treated like that? In my office i manage 15-20 people in my team and if anyone is finished with his work, i balance it from other person' s work. If someone does work properly, I have the right to question. And here in house 2 people are relaxing and one is slogging always. And this is only in India, when my hubby goes to US he cooks washes vaccuums everything. Then i started thinking that may be this condition not change for us. But atleast i dont want my daughter to go through the same. What can we do so that this does not happen with our daughters?
We mothers of today are raising our kids especially daughters like princesses and we leave no stone unturned to make sure they get everything. But are we thinking of their future? Is this what we would be passng on to them also? I really dont want my daughter to be in situation like this. raj replied. Dear pareshan,
I fully get what you are saying.2things are apparent in your post-lack of communication and stress.
We dont get anyhting in life without asking for it.Do talk to your hubby.He may not have been aware abt how you are feeling.Please get this sorted out that you too feel stressed out especially during peak office times.
As for mil,depends on your rapport with her,here too a kind request may help and again maybe not.But if she sees your hubby helping out sshe may join too.I assume yours is a recent marriage(1 year old baby)Invest a lot of time in positive communiation with your hubby.I have been able to avert many problems by speakin up straight without anger,tears,and to the point.Of course he listens and that helps.
DOnt feel stressedd out.THis too shall pass
Ritika replied. Hi dear,

Ye tab tak chalega jab tak tum chalne dogi.

The day you tell your husband that you better start helping me in the kitchen..or rather - you make the breakfast today..I am dead tired because of my project...that day, you will get some relief.

Have you ever spoken up against this assumption in your house that you are going to make tea and breakfast (or lunch and dinner) for everybody?

Why is it that women try to be super women all the time?

I cannot imagine my husband sitting and reading a newspaper when I' m tired and need help. If he doesnt notice, I go and tell him that he better get off his butt and help me..otherwise I' m going and getting some rest, and he can cook breakfast for me for a change..

Truth is..if you dont ask, you wont get help. If you dont tell people that you are tired and need rest and CANNOT cook that day, you will not get any rest.

When you saw yr husband and mil relaxing and you slogging, why didnt you speak up?

You might raise yr daughter as a princess but she will learn her values and courage from seeing you and yr husband. If she sees that mommy is always slogging and daddy is always relaxing, she will think that that is the correct way...children learn more by seeing and watching than anything else...

So learn to speak up...if not for yrself then atleast to set an example for yr daughter' s sake...

I let my hubby know when I' m tired and need help. When I' m dead tired and cannot lift a finger...if he can cook fine, otherwise we do take out. If mil /my mother are there, and they want to cook, then fine, else we do take out. To be honest I' m a good cook and enjoy cooking, but when I' m tired and the only thing on my mind is getting some rest, then I let it go..after all cooking is not the end of the world and not the beginning or end of marriage life. My husband' ve love doesn' t decrease because I ask for his help or because I cant cook some days.

Take care and all the best!!