Relationships  Discussion Forum

I have been reading the discussion between ladies here on cooking or having a maid. I must agree that you people really go thru some stress mental and physical and humanly is is not possible to manage all those things alone.
My wife is a working lady and we have a 10m baby girl. My parents stay with us. Before baby my wife cooked lunch and dinner for all. When she got pregnanct we hired a local maid who helped her cook in morning and evening. We were planning that after baby comes my mother will take care of baby and wife can continue to cook. My mother also seemed to agree though we never clearly talked about it. But after the baby came my mother kind of refused to take care of baby. I have never clearly talked to her about ths but i think she says she cannot do it. My mom also does not help in cooking too much. I have heard her once telling me daddy she cannot do it too.
I feel sad for not being helping to my wife. Its getting tough for her to manage everything. We cnnot keep a cook my dad will not accept. I really want to help my wife. Can you ladies suggest me some ways? Will be lot of help.
Thanks
Prashant PS replied. Good Job Prashant!! :) well done... prashant replied. Thanks to all those who have tried to help me. I talked to my mother and my wife both separately in details. Turned out that my mother was not comfortable in taking care of the baby but she said she was ok if there was a maid and she will supervise. But for cooking, she clearly said it was not her job now that bahu is here so she did not want to do it. I talked to my father also, I am more close to him and he is very open. Explained him the problems, he talked to my mother and she has agreed in supervising the cooking which will be done by the maid! My mother actually also like the idea as she did not like maid' s hand. Maid doind all extra work and mother doing just what required in cooking (tadka or whatever) so her ego is happy. I took time to solve this problem so late in replying. Thank you everybody you ladies have helped me solve a big problem. good replied. hi Prashant,
very good to know that u really care and thinking about ur wife so nicely...other also think but kind of not do much ..
there are some options first is maid .
other is u can help her out ,and one more can talk to ur mother so that she can take care of ur baby if she is not able to help ur wife due to her old age.
bye PS replied. Hi Prashant,

As others said, keeping a maid is the best option. That way your wife doesn' t get burnt out.

Incidentally till you hire a full time maid, why dont you help her out? In taking care of the baby as well as in the kitchen?

If you dont know how to cook, you can at least cut the veggies, stand and fry stuff (because this also takes time)...if your parents object to this saying \" men dont cook\" , tell them that Sanjeev Kapoor is the best cook in the world and he' s a man..:)

Anyways, just as you are getting ready to go to office in the morning, similarly your wife is also getting ready...so I dont know why she is expected to cook lunch for everybody...that' s not fair..

If your mom refuses to cook inspite of being at home all day, then your only option is to get a maid asap.

My parent stay with my brother and bhabhi a couple of months now and then...and whenever my mom is there, she is the one doing the cooking...since my sis in law is working...my mom says that that is the least she can do, otherwise my sis in law will have double load...working outside as well as inside...and they have a maid too who does the entire cooking when my parents are not there..

On weekends, all of them cook something together...like my brother will make one sabzi and my bhabhi will make pulao...they have a lot of fun that way...

Also, even though it might be tough to talk to your mom about it...but try to ask her in a nice way if she can take care of the baby sometimes...sometimes the straight forward way works best...

Take care... deepa replied. hi prashanth ,

it feels good to know that u want to help ur wife.
since u said ur wife is working.. even though she she try to finish all the house hold work takes care of the baby and gets every thing done without anybodys help..apart from taking care of the baby when she is away for the work....she will become really tired and vexed up at some point...
so keep a good cook or maid who will help ur wife.
please think of ur poor wife who will have so many things to take care apart from just cooking..which ur dad should understand.. she cannot always be busy doing work..even she needs time to relax..
if ur mother is not ready to take care of the baby ..then u keep a maid so that she can stay from morning to evening till ur wife come back..

see that maid cook and look after the baby ..and ur mother can supervise..because at this age they will be too tired ...and u said ur baby is just 10 months ..and after 1 year believe me it will become really difficult to manage her.. without help..
so try to convince ur father because he is not the one cooks nor will help ur wife..its ur duty to take care of ur wife.u should make a firm decision,

just keep a maid ..after some days he will be ok..
dont feel bad that ur mother is not ready to take care ..as saheli said ...she is rather not confident..

or one reason could be..she want to show ur wife that without her ur wife cannot manage ..
if u keep a maid ur problems will be solved..

apart from the regular work..some times u will have guests at ur hoouse ..then agaiin extra work..so try keeping maid.. if it doesnt work ..then u can think of other options..
Saheli replied. Thanks for the appreciation, Prashant. Here are my tips. I hope other friends here will also share more tips with you.

Your Mother:
As you are thinking, either ur mother doesnt want to do anything, or she is really not able to do it (and I think this must be the case. Doesnt look that your mother is avoiding work or responsibilities). At her age, its may not b easy to handle multiple things together. At that age, people start losing confidence, their hands shake, and they fear of failures. The problem is, they dont communicate. Instead of saying \" i cant do it for so and so reason\" they say \" i wont do it\" . May be that your mom is not very comfortable in handling a baby so small (and i hv seen mother-of-many saying that when they are old!). MAy be doing everything in kitchen in a short period is not manageable for her anymore.

So I wd say, dont think negative, try to find out instead.

Clear communcation:
I have seen this has a root cause in most famly issues. Parents say something, and our culture restricts us from questioning back (especially the DILs are restricted).
Talk to your mom on one fine day. Try and understand if she doesnt want to/cant. This will not only help you getting answers, but will also help you two open up which I think is needed betn a mom and son. So will help u in future also.

Take first decisions and execute them:
Depending on what your mom says, I have some suggestion that will help in either case.
I think with a small baby, it may not be right to ask her to cook any meal. Talk to your parents and tell them about your options. That either a maid/whatever will cook both meals, or, maid can cook with mom' s supervision, or, maid can do pre-cooking and mom can do the tadkas (as she is comfortable).
If they give IFs and BUTs, dont forget to mention that this is a temporary solution till baby grows up (throw cards one by one -)(so give options of maid cooking/mom supervising/mom doing tadka cleverly) .

If they resist, you have to put your foot down. If only you really care for your wife and love her :-)