Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hi,
This post is about my inlaws problems. My husband is the only son. My inlaws were good till our wedding, especially my MIL got so greedy after our wedding which took place in a grand way. My SIL has her own family problems but she is good in one way until my MIL greedyness and pushy character influenced her. we live in US and my husband is the earning member and supports my inlaws as my FIL dont have any pension and live at our house back in India. They spend too much on jewels and expensive things for my SIL and lied to my husband all these years and finally when we found out she cannot take it and always blames my husband who is so sweet and responsible as he is taking care of these selfish people after what they have done to us. They even refused to take care of our kid without any humanity. I cant digest this heartless people...All they care about is their daughter and her son. Even now they are lying to us and fleecing money from us. They always play the guilt game...She us a smart devil getting things done. She has no heart sitting at our house and spending our hard earned money month by month and dont want to help us with our new born kid. I should not be saying this but they are one clever devils eating us alive day by day. Suggest me what I should be doing to avoid them getting advantage of us...ofcourse its too late they ate all our hardearned money , have safeguader in the form of jewels for my SIL. Help us get thru this difficult people. Tulip replied. I am in the same situation. Whenever we call india, my S-i-l makes a scene that she needs money(even though she is rich)...or she will play a drama that my m-i=l needs jewels something...already we lost 15 lakhs my husband send it to them..they just say thy put in finanace and lost it. Everythime my husband spends 2-3 hrs to explain to them..(poor guy)..they make all th dramma to get money from him. What should i do?
Please help!!! saheli replied. which i shd hv done first!

Please see the post by sss with subject \" MIL and FIL\" , it has some 8 replies. Might help you. saheli replied. Are u guys giving fixed amt to inlaws? Or it changes everytime, or they ask you for money giving different reasons?
If its fixed, let it go to them and dont worry what they are doing with it. If its other case, may be u have a say.

How did you get to know in USA that they are using money for their daughter in India?

do u see the bills .. or SIL shows u jewelry and says mom got it ... or MIL indicates you somehow?

what i mean to say is ..
your hubby has seen it once that his parents are not so loyal as he thought. So it shd not be difficult to control things now. If u r sure they are doing this, then dont say anything to hubby (nagging irritates hubbies), instead show him the proofs. May be then he will realise and act.

But it wont be perfect at all .. some money .. here and there .. u ll have to accept.

And if you dont hv proofs and u r assuming all this, then you will have to first confirm it .. or look for other options to act on problem.

I generally believe in ideal solutions
(but they dont always work). In this case, it would be right to talk it out to MIL or FIL (whoever u think can understand more), politely, in a requesting manner, and after finding a right time and after building the right atmosphere to talk such issues, and without pointing out that \" you are doing such and such thing which is not right\" . Direct blame, even if polite, will never work. Instead, when u visit India take some magzines with you which have articles on how health of young people is affected these days due to the lifestyles and stressful jobs and show it to inlaws one fine day. Then later at some day, start telling casually the mother/father that now-a-days their son has to work harder in USA, he does overtime, returns late, is more stressed, is not happy with job, its tough finding job there, (indications that if he takes another job in india or aborad, he might earn less), etc etc.... and he does all this for earning more money for saving for home/child/pension whatever suits your case. Then again on another suotable day, talk to mil/fil about your doubts and request them to refrain from it telling how it will help their own son's health.
B ready for a big scene that your mil/fil might create if they dont agree/if they are smarter.
If u know that if MIL creates a scene then ur hubby will just be angry at u, u will have an argumnent and things wd be fine, then u can take this risk.

If u think inlaws are not understanding enough to talk about this, then consider talking to SIL itself.

Because open polite talks not only clears matters but also maintains relations, i believe.

I have given u 2 options i cd think of right now.

I am expecting other DILs here to give you more solutions.

Think wisely and act. All the best and keep us posted.

saheli