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i get very depressed because of my MIL

we went to party and if anybody was praising about me she cannot listen to that..i was there anf she immediately asked me to move from there and get some food for her...

if maid is not there i try to help her in her work but she never appreciates that instead start saying anybody can do anything for me. but on the other hand if its my jethani then to everyone she keeps on saying, that she helps her a lot.

i try to sit with her and ask about her daily routines but instead of replying me she start telling my jethani and ignores me..

i clened her dressing table and she told everyone that my superna(my jethani) did that, i immediately told her that mummy i did in front of you, and she said my making faces ya its her name on my lips.. :(

i asked her what to cook for dinner and she immediately run to ask my jethani that what shall we tell priyanka to cook..

i praised about her new clothes and she said that hers and my jethanis choices are very good...(and i know what clothes she wears)

i do a lot for her but she ignores and whatever my jethani do she is actually praising her in front of everyone...

then 1 day i start ignoring things, i spend most of time on my work and then in my bedroom, and my jethani took advantage of this and start saying things about me and they both started doing overacting and it makes me feel bad...

till now i do a lot for them but all waste...don't know how to get peace in my life ..getting into depression now.. saheli replied. we went to party and if anybody was praising about me she cannot listen to that..i was there anf she immediately asked me to move from there and get some food for her...

if maid is not there i try to help her in her work but she never appreciates that instead start saying anybody can do anything for me. but on the other hand if its my jethani then to everyone she keeps on saying, that she helps her a lot.

i try to sit with her and ask about her daily routines but instead of replying me she start telling my jethani and ignores me..

i clened her dressing table and she told everyone that my superna(my jethani) did that, i immediately told her that mummy i did in front of you, and she said my making faces ya its her name on my lips.. :(

i asked her what to cook for dinner and she immediately run to ask my jethani that what shall we tell priyanka to cook..

i praised about her new clothes and she said that hers and my jethanis choices are very good...(and i know what clothes she wears)

i do a lot for her but she ignores and whatever my jethani do she is actually praising her in front of everyone...

then 1 day i start ignoring things, i spend most of time on my work and then in my bedroom, and my jethani took advantage of this and start saying things about me and they both started doing overacting and it makes me feel bad...

till now i do a lot for them but all waste...don't know how to get peace in my life ..getting into depression now..

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Priyanka

I agree to fd. divide and rule is something ur MIL seems to be doing.

Same time, please dont think too much negative about those ppl. Imagine, they hv been living together all this time till u came. They know each other but u r new. They will obviously have some preconceived notions, some fears, some assumptions in mind. Their behavoir is just a reaction of those.

MIL must b unnecessarily having insecurity fear that now these 2 females wd be together and i will lose power. Jethani must be feeling, 'now this new bahoo will win MILs heart and i will lose respect in house etc etc' so she is trying to win MIL.

Problem is there for u, no denying. First, calm down. What you are facing is just another flavour of what many of us are facing.
Remember, for a joint family to be happier, it invites more adjustment and sacrifice from members than a nuclear family.

Now that u r in a joint family, be ready to do that without any expectations. This is your share of efforts and duties to make the family successful. Everybody in a family, holds responsibility of making a family successful, u do urs... and forget rest. Decide on ur personal tasks, priorities, preferences, and how far u will go to adjust with those people. Draw lines so that it is easer for u to decide (for example: I will never answer back to MIL, I will never stop helping in kitchen no matter what, and I will discuss openly with Jethani when she taunts me 3rd time ... something like that)

God is watching everybody.

And sometimes, it helps to be like a saint. Leave all moh-maya when it comes to those people. Whatever wishes u want to fulfill, keep them limited to ur room, ur hubby and children, and then, dont let anybody interfere there.

Also, I want you to analyse what exactly is ur problem/problems. Is it the MILs behavoir towards u, or MIL-favouring-Jethani bothering you, or u feel they are together and u r left alone, or may be u r feeling jealous of jethani as MIL praises her.

For any of the prob or combination of those (MIL+SIL), one attitude of yours would always hold true.
Be original, be good, be honest to yourself, and DONT EXPECT ANYTHING IN RETURN WHEN IT COMES TO JOINT FAMILY.

You dont need to compete with anybody, you dont need try to prove anybody that this new DIL is good. In doing so, u will be setting high expectations now and in later years when u become normal, they will say \" u r not performing like before, u r not respecting them like before\" . This is a common mistake DILs do.

Karm karo per phal ki chinta mat karo .. at least with those ppl.
If i want to clean MILs table, dont expect her to say thanks or praise u or anything. Dont worry on the way she has reacted.

One thing she also knows and u also kow ... that YOU have cleaned the table and not ur jethani.

If not once, twice, but third time if u do something for her quietly, m sure she will praise u, and moreover, respect u for ur patience and maturity.

all the best
wd love to hear how its going with u
saheli fd replied. Hey priyanka

Well from ur talks it seems that ur Mil is quite biased or having a prejudice with u.

Well there is also another psycology with MIL having two DIL. Its called divide and rule.

when they get the other dil for the younger son, Mil feels insecured that now both the bahus will be together and bitch about me. So why no make one of the DIL favourite and outcast the other. This way she will always have improtance in house and both bahus will never be together to badmouth about me or i wont be left out.

Well, but tell u what, if they are making u feel lonely, infact they are suffering from complex. I m surprised why ur SIL is not being wise and being good to u? she is really stupid if she is also so childish.

Anyways, dont totally ignore ur mil, but dont be so enthu to impress her. As she is purposely doing this to u, the more u try to please her, the more she will appreciate ur SIl to hurt ur feeling.

Be good and normal....dont clean her bedroom or dont praise her,....she dosent deserve that.

Infact next time, when u have to ask as to what to cook for dinner.....ask in front of both....and then let her ask ur jethani....why bother, say ok and start ur house chores.

let me know how is it going......keep ur cool and dont get depressed. Make some good freinds outside in ur neighbourhood. See good people never gets unrecognised....so dont worry, ur good side will always pay.